“I hear that, man. What’s going on?”
I’m not one to beat around the bush, so I ask, “Why didn’t you tell me about Dad’s casinos?”
He’s quiet on the other end. “How’d you find out?”
“When Dad asked me to run one for him in Vegas.”
He lets out a low whistle. “That man has some balls, dude.”
“Yeah, no kidding.”
“What did you say?” he asks.
“What choice did I have?”
“So it was a yes, then,” he says flatly.
“It was a yes with negotiations.”
“Still a yes.”
“Yeah. So how do I get out of it?” I ask.
He’s quiet for a beat, and he sounds surprised when he asks, “Why do you want out?”
I clear my throat. “You’ve heard about the kid by now, I assume.”
“Jack? Yeah. I heard.”
“It’s him,” I say. “Well, and also…it’s not just him. The woman I hired to nanny for him, we got married, and I’m falling in—”
“Wait, Ivy’s friend, right? Can you explain why you married her? You know, just between the two of us.”
“It was a contract,” I say. “She just got out of a reality show thing, and I needed to look a little more wholesome. You know, that whole thing. So we agreed to get married since it had benefits for both of us. But then I went and caught feelings.”
“Damn. You? Feelings?”
“I know. I didn’t think I was capable.”
He chuckles. “But she’s caring for your kid, right?”
“Yes.”
“Is it a good idea to get involved with the person who cares most for your son besides you?” he asks.
“Isn’t that traditionally how these things go?” I point out. Mom. Dad. Kid. It’s a pretty simple equation.
“Yes, when it’s two people who love each other and create a new life from that love. Not when it’s someone who doesn’t do relationships. You can’t fuck up the balance when that poor kid already lost his mom.”
Maybe the equation is traditionally simple, but I’ve never been very traditional.
Throughout this entire journey with her, she’s held me to a higher standard. One I’m certain I can’t measure up to. Yet I keep measuring up for her,showingup for her, and I like who I am when I’m with her.
But my brother makes a solid point here.
I don’t do relationships. I never have, and this is my first. First tries don’t normally pan out the way people hope they will. It’s why it’s called afirsttry. The assumption is that there will be more.
I’m at a point where I want to say that I don’twantto try with anybody else. But that doesn’t mean that this will automaticallywork. While I’m doing my best to meet the standard she sets for me, I have a history. I have patterns. I have a father pushing me in one direction. I have a career pulling me in another. And I can’t escape any of that.
