“I couldn’t go light. I needed to get my anger out, and football is the outlet.”
“If I say practice is light, that means the goddamn practice is light. It doesnotmean you get to do what you want. You put at least two players in danger and injured one, and that’s absolutely unacceptable, Dex. You’ll stay here while the rest of us travel to New York.”
“Coach, no! Don’t do this. You need me. You know you do.”
He shakes his head. “No. I need ateamplayer. Someone I can trust. Someone who will put their personal shit on the back burner and focus on the task at hand. And right now, that’s not you.”
“I’m sorry. What can I do to change your mind?” Why do I keep asking people that? They’ve already made up their minds. Nothing I say will change it, so why even bother?
“Nothing. Don’t do anything stupid this weekend. I’ll expect you in here Monday morning, win or lose, ready to run extra solo drills.”
I clench my jaw. “Yes, Coach.”
“You’re dismissed from practice today.”
I grind my teeth, but I don’t say anything at all. Instead, I get up and walk out of his office.
Well, that was a shitty practice. Maybe the shittiest one of my life.
I head to Asher’s place to pick up Jack since Desi’s watching him, but I text her ahead to let her know I’m on my way and I left practice early.
It’s not like I can stay at their house this weekend when I’m in town and Asher isn’t, so I grab my kid and head home. I’m sure Asher will fill her in on the stupidity that landed me here.
It was my fault. Again. It’s all my fault lately.
And as I get Jack out of the car seat once I’m back home in my parking garage, a new realization dawns on me.
I’m glad I get a little extra time with Jack. It’s rare it’s just been the two of us, and while I know I’ll struggle my way through it, it’s good for me. But the truth is, we shouldn’t have this time. I should be packing for New York, and I’m not.
I don’t just need to get my shit together. In order to do that, I need to figure out exactly what my shit is, and I need to figure out what it is I want out of life.
Because this right here? Getting suspended from the first game of the season as a direct punishment from my coach and not getting to travel with the team…this isn’t it.
CHAPTER 48: Dex Bradley
Can I Stay at Your Place
I manage to feed and bathe my son thanks to the note with the schedule on it that Ainsley wrote for me months ago, and he’s currently playing on the floor as I contemplate what to do next.
And as I wander over to my thinking windows, the place I’ve stood so many times contemplating all sorts of problems and complexities as I looked out over Las Vegas Boulevard, her words seem to come back to me.
Unless you give up the lounge, which I know you can’t…well, then it’s over.
Give up the lounge.
The words echo in my mind.
Give up the lounge.
It’s not something I ever truly considered before. I think it never occurred to me because it was always assumed I’d just do whatever my father asked. That’s how he raised us.
But if the choice comes down to my father or Ainsley, it’s not my father who will come out the winner.
Give up the lounge.
It’s walking away from the legacy. My father might disown me, but I’ll still have my siblings.
For just a moment, I wonder if Archer has known about this underground shit the whole time. Is that why he was shunned from the family? Is that why he ran to Vegas and never looked back? Because, man, I tried that. I tried to leave and never look back, but our father somehow has this hold on me that keeps pulling me back in.
