I muttered swear words under my breath.
After Joy and Dillon exchanged pleasantries, I said, “Grace and Dillon, leave. Joy and I will be out in a minute.”
My siblings were giddy, closing the door behind them.
“If you don’t want to go out there,” I said, “there is an emergency exit at the end of the hallway. My siblings might be too much.”
“Your family loves you. You can’t fault them for that. I can handle them.” She cinched the ties on her sweater more tightly. “But Duke? Once we walk out of here, we can’t kiss like that again or do anything else, for that matter.”
Her words felt like nails she was hammering into me, but she was right. I had my reasons to stay away, and I was more than curious about what hers were and why she’d changed her mind. After all, at the gym, she’d said we should fuck to break the sexual tension. But if I probed, then I might be obligated to share why she and I could never be.
I gave her a slight nod as we made our way to join the party. I felt like a dead man walking. I wasn’t prepared for the curious stares or my sister’s suffocating excitement.
I wanted to retreat, scoop Joy into my arms, and tear out of there. I didn’t want to sit and make small talk. Or listen to Jade drone on and on about her sister, Savannah, like she had when I arrived. Or hear Grace titter on about how lovely Joy was for me. Or my brothers telling me to throw caution to the wind, that it was time I settled down.
Denim was all about throwing caution to the wind. During our talk the other night at the club, he’d encouraged me to go for it with Joy. “Tomorrow is never promised,” he’d said. “No matter if you had a happy life or not.”
A dining table separated the living room from the kitchen, where nine plates were set, and everyone else was seated, leaving two seats open on the end, facing the fireplace.
I pulled out the inside chair from the end for Joy.
She gave me a knee-knocking smile. “Thank you.”
Brian chuckled across from me with a knowing look. I refrained from throwing him the finger.
Denim rose at the other end of the fancy decorated table. “Now that we’re all here, I want to say how grateful I am that we are finally together as a family.” He stuck his gaze on me.
I was waiting for Grace and Dillon to chime in, but they didn’t.
Instead, Jade joined Denim and snuggled up to him, her green eyes lasering on me.
Whatever she was about to say involved Savannah, and I was kicking myself in the ass for being here.
I bounced my knee, my body tense, my throat constricting, my jaw in pain.
Joy placed a gentle hand on my thigh as if to say,I got you. It’s okay.
Then Jade spoke. “I wish Savannah were here. I know, Duke, you loved my sister in your own way. It warms my heart that you have a special place at Linwood Cemetery for her. I don’t blame you anymore for her death.”
I wasn’t one to run, but I couldn’t handle this. I was tired of Jade’s constant reminders of Savannah. I’d been in my own hell since she was murdered. I had enough guilt to fill the three-thousand-square-foot penthouse.
Jade doesn’t know that, asshole.
I excused myself and trudged down the hall, needing air, anything other than sitting at a table where I didn’t belong. I made it to the emergency exit when heels clicked on the floor behind me before Joy came around the corner.
Pity was stamped on her pretty face.
I growled like a wolf in the wild. “I don’t want consoling or for you to feel bad for me. Everything that happened to Savannah was my fault. I own up to that shit, but I don’t need anyone shoving it down my throat for the last four years.”
Joy kept her distance from me, watching in concerned fascination while I popped my head against the wall adjacent to the emergency exit.
Smart woman. If she touched me, I would devour her.
“It was wrong to come here today,” I continued as though someone had turned on my emotional switch and I couldn’t stop the words from coming out. “I’m fucking exhausted.”
“Jade is hurting, Duke,” Joy said softly, looking like an angel in that cream sweater that seemed to bring out the sparkle in her eyes. “But I think it’s not just Jade who’s bothering you. You’re wound tight, Duke. Maybe that’s your nature, but I don’t think so. Whatever it is, though, you need to talk to someone.”
I regarded her as if she were the one who was crazy. “A shrink?”
