“The situation with the steroids was already in progress,” he continued. “Your involvement with him just complicated everything and made it that much worse. It had already been brought to my attention that he was supplying steroids to some of the players. Not the Bucks. My guys know better. It was to other NFL teams. Which shows you how stupid he was. They were the opposition. I was trying to put together a sting operation to expose him without my name or the Bucks getting involved in a steroid scandal.” He held up a fist. “I wanted to bring him down! I wanted to beat his ass! But the minute I found out you were involved with him, I needed to get him out of there. I sent him for a random drug test. He got busted, and I was able to get him ousted. I found the drugs in his locker.” Her father huffed. “The fucking idiot. I confiscated them because I didn’t want my team involved. Don’t you understand that my job was on the line too? As the team’s coach, I’m responsible for almost everything. I wasn’t going to let a steroid scandal happen on my watch. Neither was a sex scandal with a teenager who happened to be my daughter. I could have been canned for all of it.”
She couldn’t process everything. Her brain was overloaded. Her heart was a shattered mess. “No.” She stuck her fingers in the roots of her hair and shook her head. Her voice cracked. “No. You’re lying.”
“Why would I lie? Why would I risk my career by framing my star kicker? I was saving my career. And my daughter. He was a wolf. He had girls coming and going at all hours of the night when we were away.” His voice softened sympathetically. “Even when the two of you were dating. I’m sorry, Amber. I never knew that you felt this way. I never knew you thought I was involved in distributing steroids and purposely ruined someone’s career just because I didn’t want him near my daughter.” Hurt and pain muddied his expression with grief. “I never knew you thought so little of me. I just thought you were angry about Lang. I never—ever—meant to hurt you. You were a kid.Mykid. I did everything to protect you.”
Tears were freely streaming down her face now, and she couldn’t speak. Even if she could, she didn’t know what to say. Robert was next to her now, practically holding her up, listening to everything with a stunned look on his face. Her chest felt heavy, and her gut twisted with embarrassment that he witnessed the tsunami of dysfunction that was her family.
“You were so angry,” her dad continued. “I didn’t know what to do, so I just let you be angry. That’s my fault. I’m not exactly one to coddle or sympathize. I said some terrible things in the heat of an argument. Things I regret. But so did you. How do you think I felt when you changed your name? You basically denounced me as your father. You broke my heart too. I was devastated.”
Her chest felt as if someone just stabbed her with an icepick. She never felt such raw, physical pain, emotional or otherwise, and she regretted everything. She blamed her father for something he didn’t do and had resented him for no reason. It was her fault that they were robbed of a relationship. He was a man worthy of her respect. He had a career that spanned decades and brought multiple teams to victory. He lifted failing teams and brought them to the top. She suddenly realized that she belittled his career and never gave him the recognition that he deserved—the exact thing she accused him of doing to her.
The sobs came hard, and she needed to bury her face into Robert’s chest because she couldn’t look at her father. She was ashamed of herself for thinking he could be the vindictive bastard she made him out to be.
Robert hugged her tightly and continually ran a soothing hand up and down her back, but still hadn’t said a word during the entire altercation. She couldn’t imagine what he was thinking.
Her sobs slowly dissipated, and she realized that her father stopped speaking. She looked up and found him and Robert glaring at one another having some kind of silent exchange. Their expressions morphed into a multitude of expressions—shock, defiance, anger, and, ultimately, acceptance and defeat.
Before anyone could say anything else, the bell started ringing nonstop, followed by a pounding on the front door again. “Open the door, Amber!”
Amber didn’t expect her mother to show up, and she was grateful. She ran to the door and opened it. “Mom.”
“Are you all right, sweetheart?” Her mother cupped Amber’s cheeks in her hands, squeezing her face as she read her eyes. “Oh my God. You’re not.” She pulled Amber into a protective embrace and held Amber’s face to her chest. “What did you say to her, Vic? I’m done staying out of this riff between you two. This is our daughter, and it’s time you start treating her like it.”
“Why am I the bad guy here?” Coach barked, sounding more hurt than angry. “I explained what happened. The same way I explained it to you. And it took you long enough to get here, by the way.”
“How dare you?” Amber’s mother held her tighter and, thankfully, kicked the door closed. “I’ve kept my mouth shut over the last decade because it was easier than arguing. Because no matter what I said, you always had to have the last word. I’m done, Vic. We’re your family. Your wife and your daughter. We’re not men in a locker room. Shouting at us doesn’t get our attention. It alienates us. If you can’t start treating us with some common courtesy, you’re going to lose the both of us. For good.”
Amber stood stock-still in her mother’s arms, aghast at her mother’s defiant words. With wide eyes, she peeked up at her father who looked more vulnerable than he’d ever looked in his life.
“Cathy, I’m a coach,” her father explained. “That’s all I’ve ever been.” He raised his hands, pleading for understanding. “I guess I didn’t know how to be a husband and a father. I tried. But I obviously failed.”
Her father looked from face to face. Amber, her mother, and Robert were standing huddled together while her father stood in opposition across from them, but things had shifted for Amber.
“It wasn’t easy for me,” her father continued. “I was used to being around men all the time in the locker room and on the field. Then I’d come home to a wife and daughter. I wasn’t used to being around women, and I guess I didn’t realize how sensitive you both were. I always thought you two were overreacting. I didn’t know how to relate to your emotions. I guess I should have tried harder. What can I do to make it up to you? Do you want to go to counseling? We’ll go if you think that’ll help. I love my family. I don’t want to lose either one of you. I’m sorry if I ever made you doubt that.” He took a step forward, hesitated, and then stopped.
“Oh, Vic.” Amber’s mother let out a breath, and she relaxed her hold on Amber slightly, but she still didn’t let go.
Her father rushed forward and wrapped his arms around the both of them in a powerful hug. A kiss landed on top of Amber’s head, then on her mother’s cheek. “You’re my family,” he said, quietly, as if he needed to reaffirm his claim over them.
Overwhelmed by everything, Amber started to cry again. “I’m sorry, Dad.”
He stepped back, but still had a hand on her shoulder. “For what?”
“I should have confronted you. All these years, I thought you purposely destroyed a man’s career because of me. I felt so guilty. I thought it was my fault. I thought you were . . .” She could barely get the word out, and when she did, it came out on a sob. “Unscrupulous.”
Her mother tried to pull her closer, but her father pulled her into his arms. She found comfort there for the first time since she was a little girl.
“It’s OK. I understand how it looked. I’m sorry you thought you couldn’t talk to me. I’m sorry I shouted so much. Hell. That’s all I ever do. Yell and scream. I don’t know how to talk in a normal tone of voice.” Her father shook his head. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
He’d said nothing she expected and everything she wanted to hear. A decade of emotion broke free, and she hugged her dad tightly. Regret made her let out a small sob. “I’m sorry I said I hate you. I don’t. I was just angry.” She couldn’t describe how much love and respect she had for him. That’s why she craved his approval and why it hurt so much, and she realized it was about time she told him how she felt. “I love you, Dad.”
“I love you too, sweetheart.”
A heavy sob wracked her as soon as she heard the words she longed to hear for more years than she could remember, and she clung to him. He ran his hand over her upper back and soothed her, the way a father was supposed to. She’d longed for this moment. Fantasized about it. Even prayed for it. The moment was surreal. Happy tears continued to fall down her cheeks as she stayed in the warmth of her father’s embrace, neither making any move to let go.
Her mother’s voice broke the silence and addressed Robert. “Well, young man, I’m very sorry you had to witness our dirty laundry. I’m glad to see you’re still standing here and didn’t run for the hills.”
Robert!Amber hadn’t fully comprehended that he’d been in the room while her family fell apart and got put back together again, and she’d never been more embarrassed. “Oh my God,” she whispered. She turned toward him, her hands covering her mouth. “I’m so sorry.”
