“I just want to talk. Nothing more. I promise.”
She bit her lip, took a deep breath and hit the buzzer. She wished her heart and her head would be in sync when it came to Lucas. His footsteps echoed in the hallway while she waited for him in the archway of her apartment door. When he approached, the sadness in his smile worried her.
“I’m not going to stay long,” he said.
He sat at the kitchen table and she sat across from him, watching and wondering about the thoughts weighing on his mind.
He alternated between looking down at his hands and up at her face, while the corner of his mouth twitched. “I’ve been thinking a lot about us. I miss you.”
Tears immediately filled her eyes and sadness tugged the corners of her mouth downward. She missed him so much, but couldn’t verbalize the sentiment because of the struggle to keep her emotions in check.
“We’re still friends. I wish we were more. But I understand. We got big plans ahead of us, and we’re going to be spending a lot of time together. I don’t want it to be awkward. I want you to know that I’m not going to pressure you for anything. I can’t help it sometimes. I think with my heart. That’s the way I was raised. We show our feelings in my family. If you care about someone, you don’t hold back. You let them know how much they mean to you.” He reached across the table and took her hand. “I care about you. My feelings for you are strong. You mean a great deal to me. Everything that’s happening to me. To us. To Prodigy. It’s better because you’re part of it. I never shared so much of my heart with someone before.”
She squeezed his hand, afraid to look up because she knew the tears hanging on her lower lids would fall.
“It’s hard to hold back how much I want to be with you,” he continued. “I’ve never felt this way about someone. But I understand your mindset. And you’re right. It’s all about timing, and it’s time for Prodigy to shine. The band has to come first right now.”
She finally looked up at him, her heart caving in on itself.
“Maybe in a few months, when things settle down, we can try again.” His voice was still incredibly sad, but held the slightest bit of hope.
She knew things weren’t going to settle down, though. They were going to explode. She nodded, even though she knew there would never be a right time.
“I hope you don’t find somebody else. I know that’s selfish and a terrible thing to say. But . . .” He lowered his head for a few seconds, hiding his face. When he raised it, his gaze remained on the table instead of looking at her, and his voice was a pained whisper. “I don’t want to think about you with anyone else.”
Her stomach twisted, not just for the hurt that shadowed Lucas, but at the idea of Lucas moving on. She didn’t know how she’d handle it if he got a girlfriend. She couldn’t expect him to be celibate, but the idea of him with someone else crushed her.
“Don’t feel bad,” he said, seeing the torment in her face and caressing her hand. “I’ll understand if it happens. I just want you to know how much I value our friendship. As long as I have that, I’ll be OK. If that’s all we can be right now, I’m OK with it.” His words were encouraging but the tone in his voice and the expression on his face portrayed pure anguish. He withdrew his hand and placed it back in his lap. “That’s it. That’s all I wanted to say. And that I’m happy to see you in this apartment and moving forward. Great things lay ahead for you.”
“None of it would be happening if it weren’t for you. You taught me so much. I’m grateful that you’re in my life. Tessa and Mason, too. I’ve never had friends like the three of you. I’ve never met anyone likeyou, Lucas. I know I’ve thanked you a hundred times, but thank you. Again. You saved me. You could have left me in that storage unit. But you didn’t. You sent Tessa to get me.” Her voice cracked as the words came rushing out of her mouth. She barely paused for a breath, afraid that if she did, her voice would fail completely. “I don’t know what would have happened to me if I didn’t meet you.”
She watched him as he lowered his gaze and stared at the table, his mouth pressed into a thin straight line, then bowing down at the corners. When he looked up, a sheen of moisture covered his eyes, and when he spoke, his voice was low and barely audible. “I’m gonna go.” He stood and slipped out of the apartment without saying another word, taking her heart with him.
He left so quickly, she sat dazed at the table while the door clicked behind him. She opened her mouth ready to call him back and tell him to stay, at least for one more night, but he was gone.
She went to the front window and watched him walk to his Hummer. Just before he opened the door, he looked up at her – a flash of blue reflecting in the moonlight – before he lowered his eyes and drove away. She stared at the empty space where his vehicle had been parked, hoping to see it speed down the street and return to the spot, but it remained barren. After a long while, the curtain slipped out of her hand just as a lone tear streaked down her cheek.
Exhausted, she went to her bedroom and flopped down on the air bed but sleep was the last thing on her mind. Her eyes shifted back and forth, and she blinked as she tried to stop the tears. She spotted a pretty shopping bag sitting against the wall closest to her. A gift from Tessa, no doubt. With her heart a little lighter, she ripped the envelope off the shopping bag and read the card.
A little something to remind you of our time as roomies. Congrats on the new apartment! Love, Tessa xoxo
The bag contained the lavender-scented pillow and the chenille blanket that she loved so much. She needed this little bit of comfort right now, and she thought her heart would burst from the love she had for her best friend. She rested her head on the fragrant pillow and brought the soft blanket up to her chin, just like she’d done so many times over the last few weeks. But the calmness that they usually brought eluded her. Thoughts of Lucas swam in her head. The joy and the heartache, the ups and downs and the turmoil that made up their relationship left her insides a jumbled mess of emotions. She wished Lucas was with her right now, celebrating the first night in her new home, because there was no celebration without him. Tears came quickly as she remembered the beautiful things he said to her earlier, and she sobbed heavily into her lavender-scented pillow.
