“What? The fame? You gotta want it, Travis. You gotta bleed it. It’s gotta consume you. Like you can’t live without it. Otherwise, this business will eat you alive and turn you inside out.”
There was a long pause before Travis spoke again, and when he did, his voice was a low sad whisper. “Ithink it already has.”
The words cut into Derek. Travis was young, probably barely over 21. Although Derek wasn’t much older, he’d been prepared for the limelight, and worked his ass off to get to the top. Nothing was going to stand in his way. Or Brandon’s. Or Alan’s. Or Jeremy’s. They had all wanted the spotlight and the ups and downs that went with it. Travis didn’t seem to behandling the pressure well, and Reckless was still climbing the ladder. They hadn’t reached their plateau yet. If Travis cracked, slipped and fell, it was all over for his band.
“Thanks for hiking with me tonight,” Travis said. “I’ve only taken one other person up to the Hollywood sign before.”
Derek knew the place held significance for Travis, and he felt special thatTravis shared it with him. “Thanks for showing me how beautiful it is. Who was the other person?”
“Anthony Landis. My best friend in the seventh grade.” Travis was quiet for a long moment. “I wonder what happened to him.”
“I guess you lost touch when you graduated elementary school?”
“No. I moved away. Never saw him again. I never really stayed in the sameplace for a long time. I got shuffled around a lot.”
Derek waited for Travis to elaborate, confused by the remark about getting shuffled around. He wanted to ask, but didn’t want to pry. The low hum of breath on Derek’s chest and the slackened arms around his waist indicated that Travis had fallen asleep. He pondered the complex, confused man in his arms, so full of questions anddoubts, and seemingly too sensitive for the rough-and-tumble world of a rock star.
Derek’s eyes grew tired and he dozed off, resting his head on Travis’.
“We’re at the hotel, sir.”
Derek opened his eyes at the sound of the driver’s voice, and met the sunlight brightening the sky to a warm mix of magenta and lilac. He nudged Travis, still sleeping peacefullyon his chest. “We’re here.”
Travis stretched, squeezing Derek around the waist. “What time is it?”
“Early. Late. It depends on how you look at it.” He patted Travis’ leg. “Let’s go inside. The bus is heading out before noon.” Derek threw some cash onto the front passenger seat of the SUV and they headed into the hotel.
“Another day. Another city.” Travissighed. “We just finished our first tour less than two months ago. We didn’t expect to be out on the road again so soon.” Travis’ voice was lackluster, without the excitement and awe of being on tour. He sounded like a seasoned musician who had spent the majority of his life on the road missing his family, not a guy whose band had just made it big and was enjoying newfound success.
Bulletproof had been touring for almost a decade, and Derek still loved every minute of it. Each city was an adventure, another crowd of fans, and another chance to do what he loved on stage in front of 20,000 people. “You sound like you’re not enjoying it. Didn’t you want to finish out the tour with us?”
“Yeah. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful. This is a killer gig forReckless. I wouldn’t have passed it up for the world.” Travis extended a friendly arm over Derek’s shoulder. “It’s an honor to be on tour supporting Bulletproof. I appreciate the opportunity. I mean that. Really.”
The touch, and the close proximity of their bodies, made Derek’s pulse quicken. As they stepped onto the elevator, he wondered if this night meant as much to Travis as itdid to him. “We’re glad to have you guys on board.”
After a small squeeze of appreciation, Travis’ hand slipped from Derek’s shoulder and fell to his side. There was silence until the elevator stopped on the 12thfloor. “This is me,” Travis said, staring at the open doorway without making a move to exit.
“I’m up in the penthouse,” Derek replied. “I’ll, um, see you later?”
Travis held the elevator doors open, while a small smile crept onto his lips. “Thanks for listening to me in the car on the way back here. I don’t really have anyone to talk to about shit like that. I keep it all bottled up inside me and . . . I guess it all just came out.”
“What do you mean? Can’t you talk to your bandmates?”
“No. Not really. We’re not thatclose. Ricky and Mark can’t stand each other. The rest of us have a working relationship. We don’t socialize or see each other outside of band stuff.”
“I can’t imagine that. Me and Brandon and Alan and Jeremy have known each other since junior high.”
“You’re a lucky guy.” Travis glanced down the hallway. “Well, thanks again. Goodnight.” He smiled again, and his face brightened.“Or good morning.”
“Anytime.” If anyone ever needed a fucking hug, it was Travis right now, and it made Derek’s heart ache. He took a step forward, wanting to embrace the lost soul in front of him. He longed to feel this man in his arms again, and wanted another gentle kiss. He hesitated only because Travis made no move to bridge the space between them and because of the remark earlierabout people only wanting sex from him. Derek decided he was going to dispel that myth, and wrapped his arms around Travis. The guy clung to him. Travis dug his fingers into Derek’s shoulder, pulling Derek’s T-shirt into his fists and burying his face into Derek’s neck. The intensity took Derek by surprise and overwhelmed him with compassion and empathy. He held Travis tighter, melding theirbodies together, and shouldering whatever burdens lurked inside this passionate man.
After a few long moments, the elevator doors buzzed from being held open too long, interrupting their embrace. Derek looked deep into Travis’ eyes, waiting for an invitation to go back to Travis’ room, but none came.
