"I check my phone because I'm waiting for the text. The one that says it's over. That you figured it out, and the team's folding and my contract's done and—" He was moving around the room now, not sitting. "I deflect because if I make it funny, maybe it won't hurt as much when—"
"Hog."
"And now I've told your niece I'm gonna marry you and she's gonna ask about it next time and what if—"
"Stop."
He sat on the edge of the bed. Finally quiet. "What if I'm not enough? After hockey. When the noise stops."
I sat next to him. "I don't know," I said.
He looked at me.
"I don't know if you'll be enough. I don't know if I will either." The words felt sharp in my mouth. "I don't know what happens when the season ends, when your body gives out. When we have to figure out what we are without the game."
We sat there. Not touching. Both of us breathing too carefully.
"But I said yes too," I said finally. "To Mae. In my head. When you said it."
He reached for my hand. "Yeah?"
"Yeah."
We fell into bed with our clothes still on. No urgency, only presence. Hog's weight was solid next to me.
"Tomorrow's practice is gonna be hell," he said. "Coach is pissed about Tuesday."
"You can take it."
"Yeah, but I'm getting too old for this." He squeezed my fingers. "Starting to think maybe the after isn't as far away as I thought."
"Scared?"
"Terrified."
"Good. Me too."
Outside, Thunder Bay settled into the winter night. Snow kept falling. The Sleeping Giant kept watch.
And in my bed, with his stuff scattered through my apartment, Hog's breathing evened out first.
I lay awake a while longer. Thinking about family dinners, kids who asked about marriage, and sisters who tested everyone to see if they'd stay.
Thinking about the after.
Hog's weight pinned the blanket. His elbow dug into my ribs. His knee knocked against mine every time he shifted, and he took up too much space—every time.
Eventually, I slept too.
He was here.
And neither of us was leaving.
Chapter fifteen
Hog
The coffee urn wheezed, and nobody was touching the muffins. In twelve years of locker rooms, I'd never seen guys ignore free food unless someone was about to get cut.
