“Not today, Satan!”I bellowed as I caught sight of her heading for Herbert.I threw myself sideways, grabbing Rosie as she lunged toward Mom and Holly.I caught only an edge of her shirt, however, and ended up face down on the grass.I was stunned for a few seconds, but managed to lift up my head, spit out a bit of grass, and yell, “Mom!Protect Herbert!”
“Come on, my dashing Earless Erica!There’re innocent people to save!”Corbin said as he and Amy hurried down the side, moving up behind the woman.My mother, who once did a six-month course on personal protection, calmly pulled out a (no-doubt highly illegal in England) bottle of pepper spray and showed it to Rosie.“I will spray you if you take one more step forward,” Mom threatened.“This is gel, so where it lands, it stays.Trust me, you don’t want pepper gel staying in your eyes.”
The woman stumbled to stop just as Amy and Corbin grabbed her by either arm.
“A knife?Don’t you dare touch him!”My aunt’s voice rose above the general sounds of fighting from Fang, Leander, and now Devon, who had somehow been absorbed into the tangle of flailing men.
Kathie was clearly already fired up by the attack on her husband, and took offense.
“That’s my new nephew-in-law, and he’s a vet.Do you know how valuable it is to have a vet in the family?He’s worth his weight in gold!”she shouted from atop a chair, and tried to jump on Leander’s back when he managed to get to his feet, but Iain caught her in midleap and swung her around to safety.
“Cool,” I heard Clara say.She grinned when Kathie grabbed Iain’s hair and pulled his head down for what appeared to be a hell of a kiss.
“That’s a rather nepotistic attitude,” I heard Corbin tell Amy in a whisper.“Fang is worth more than just his profession.”
“You’re not a pet owner,” I told him, having caught my breath enough to get to my feet before yelling my reassurance to Fang that I was fine.Iain and Devon were holding the bastard Leander back, while Fang lurched to the side to sit down hard on a chair.
“We are, actually.We have three dogs, but I admit that Amy is the one who usually deals with vet visits,” Corbin said with a sheepish expression.
“He’s squeamish when it comes to the dogs,” Amy told me.“People can be splattered all over the place and he won’t turn a hair, but a blood draw at the vet has him hyperventilating.He’s too empathetic.”
“Mm-hmm,” I said, withholding judgment, although I couldn’t help but feel a bit smug about Fang.He really was the most perfect man.I rose and turned, intending on telling him that when a scream from behind me had me spinning around.
Santana, who’d gone after Bess and Monk, now rushed into the garden.Rosie used that as a diversion, allowing her to escape Amy and Corbin’s hold.
Santana tried to jump on Holly as Rosie shoved Mom aside, sending her tumbling into a thankfully not too dense shrub, before swinging at the nearest person, who happened to be Amy.That resulted in Corbin shouting and rushing her, while Amy danced backward, her phone in her hands as she filmed.
“Mom, are you—”
“I’m fine,” she said.The only thing visible of her was her legs and one hand that waggled wildly.“Get the bird!”
“You are the best mom,” I told her, and spun around to help Holly.
To my horror, Santana had pounced on Holly and was trying to wrestle Herbert from her hold.The words that came out of my mouth had the volume of a randy bull yelling for female companionship.“Don’t you touch a dear little feather on that pigeon’s head!Holly is a former nun and will defend him with her life!”
Holly shot me a quick startled glance before wrenching back the pillow bearing the now-awake and slightly squawking Herbert.
“I don’t care who she is—I just want our birds back, and your group of terrorists in prison!”Santana said in a snarl, and lunged again at Holly, who leaped backward directly into a planter.
She shrieked as she tipped to the side, almost falling.Marla, hearing Holly, abandoned trying to help Devon tie up Leander, and vaulted over the chairs that stood between us, screaming, “No one touches my wife!”
Before I could do more than take Herbert from Holly, Marla grabbed the woman threatening us, and flipped her with so much force she bounced into a bed of some sort of fuzzy blue flower.Evidently it was planted there for bees, because the second the woman hit the (relatively) soft flower bed, she scrambled away with her left side covered in bright-yellow pollen.“What is—ack!Pollen!I’m allergic!GET IT OFF ME!”she yelled as she slapped at all the pollen blotches on her black pants before running into the dining area, where I could see her dunking napkins in a water pitcher and wiping off her clothes.
Mom emerged from the shrub looking a bit leafy, but no worse for wear.
“Here, take him.Guard him with your life,” I said, shoving Herbert at her before turning to face Fang.“We should call the police.These people are bad—hey!”
Rosie had been arguing with Devon, Iain, and Kathie, but when she saw Mom holding Herbert, she headed straight for her.
I leaped in front of Mom and spread my arms.“No one hurts my mother, my friend, or sweet little Herbert.”
To my utter surprise, the woman halted, giving me a puzzled look.“Hurt him?Why would I hurt him?I want to save him from you terrorists.”
“No one here is a terrorist,” I said firmly, continuing to stand in front of my mother, although I did lower my arms.“This is my wedding, and I’ll thank you to back the fuck off and let us party in peace.”
“Emily,” Mom said in the mildly disapproving voice she keeps for the f-bomb.Not that she didn’t drop one on occasion, but she preferred to pretend she didn’t.
“You seem to think you are the main character here,” Rosie argued.She stood with her hands on her hips, now looking annoyed more than angry.“You are not.I am.Or rather,weare.You stole our birds for some heinous purpose—”
