“What the hell are you talking about?” Rupert asked, leaning forward to hear the answer over the sound of the engine roaring to life.
“We’re not getting nearly enough camera time. That daughter of d’Espry is hogging all the attention, and if she thinks I’m going to put up with the antics of an amateur, she can think again. Either we get the bulk of thefilming, or I’ll leave. My agent has leads on a couple of new reality shows starting up, so I don’t need a show where I’m hardly seen.”
The car lurched forward to the waiting crew, who were sending racers off in five-minute intervals. We took our place in line, Rupert and I exchanging glances while Kell outlined a plan that was frankly fantastic. “There’s a town named Rudsville that we’ll pass in the afternoon. While we’re there, two men are going to pretend to rob a petrol station and will speed away. We’ll hop into action and chase them down. After calling d’Espry to let him know what’s going on, of course, so he can be sure to film us in pursuit.”
“Are you out of your mind?” I asked him. “That’s the most ridiculous setup I’ve ever heard. Who did you find to agree to that?”
“Two mates of a friend of mine. They won’t really rob the station,” Kell snapped. “You don’t have to get all holy on me. God! If I’d known I was going to be forced to be part of a team that had no idea what it’s like to be on a reality show, I’d never have agreed to this.”
“I don’t think Dixon is out of line questioning this plan,” Rupert yelled as we hit the motorway and Kell shifted into a higher gear. “What do you expect to get out of that plan?”
“Camera time. I thought I made that clear!” Kell bellowed.
“But what’s it going to look like?” I asked, also yelling. “We chase down a car, and then what? We can’t arrest the people, and I doubt if these men are going to agree to being arrested just to make you look heroic.”
“They’ll get away. We’ll express our regret that we couldn’t do more and then will continue on our way—an example of British justice at its best.”
“Whatjustice?” Rupert asked, but Kell didn’t answer.
We drove on. I tried to make notes on the scenery, but there wasn’t much that elicited interest. By the time we hit Ohio, I was contemplating throwing Kell out of the car.
“Maybe that would give him the camera time he wants,” I complained to Rupert while we were stopped for Kell to have a toilet break behind some blackberry bushes alongside the road.
“I hear you, Dix. Maybe if we talk to d’Espry—”
“It won’t do any good,” I said wearily, looking up when the white Thomas Flyer sailed past us. From the back of the car, an arm shot up and waved. I smiled and lifted a hand in return, even though I knew that Paulie wouldn’t see it.
“What’s this?” Rupert asked, cocking an eyebrow at me before looking after the car. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say that was a smile of a man who was interested in a woman. That was the suffragette car, wasn’t it?”
“What are we going to do about this mad plan of Kell’s?” I asked, blatantly changing the subject.
Rupert shrugged. “Nothing we can do to stop him if he insists on doing it. Best I can say is that we stay out of it if he does bring the cameras in to watch us. That way, we won’t look like the fool he will most certainly appear.”
“I don’t know why he can’t be content with focusing on the race. There’s enough here to keep us interested, especially once we get done with this timed business and can truly race.”
“I heard a rumor that we won’t be doing the part through China,” Rupert said, taking his place behind the wheel when Kell emerged from behind the bushes.
“Why? I was looking forward to seeing China, even if we were only going to be there for a few days.”
“Word is that the visas that Roger had applied for are not coming in. Something about the government not wanting to give permission for the film crew to be there.”
“What’s this about the film crew?” Kell plopped himself down in the backseat and took up his phone, glancing up and swearing under his breath when the Italian car passed us, the camera car right behind them. “Dammit, get going! Let’s not waste any more time.”
“You’re the one with the weak bladder,” Rupert said, but obediently started the car and pulled out into the traffic. “Kim said we might be skipping China.”
“Who’s Kim?” Kell yelled.
“Production assistant. Blond. Big tits. Visa trouble with China,” Rupert recapped at the top of his lungs.
“Oh. Good. Never wanted to go there in the first place.”
An hour later, Kell insisted we pull over to the shoulder. We’d just passed the Thomas Flyer at a roadside stand (I assumed it was stopped for a restroom break), and all was well until Kell became agitated. Reluctantly, I pulled over, surprised when he shoved me out of the seat. “Just going to call d’Espry and tell him we witnessed a station robbery and are in pursuit.”
“Kell, don’t do this—” I started to say, but Kell held up an imperious hand and proceeded to tell Roger a tissue of lies. “Roger! It’s Kell! Where are you? Good, you’re ahead of us. You’re not going to believe this, but we’re at a petrol station just outside of Rudsville, and two men ran out of the station with guns waving and hopped in a car to race off. Clearly they just robbed the place, and we’re chasing them now. If you get a camera crew up here, you should be able to get some exciting footage!”
“For the love of god,” I murmured, and moved to let him take the driver’s seat. I looked straight at the camera on the windscreen and said loudly, “I want a record that I’m dead against this deception.”
“Me too,” Rupert said, leaning over the backseat. “It’s a mad plan.”
