Don’t be ridiculous,I told my inner doubt.You knew going into this that it was just a little fling. You need tofind a more permanent job, and he clearly needs someone who can spend her life with him. You can’t have it both ways. Either you accept the relationship for what it is—a pleasant diversion that may have the side effect of giving Alden a bit more confidence with women—or you stop it now. What’s it going to be?
I got up and went into the bathroom to tidy up, not liking the path my thoughts were taking.
Chapter 10
Our pleasant interlude seemed like it lasted days, but at long last we realized that it was still early evening, and we were hungry.
“We could go out for dinner,” I told Alden after we got dressed again. “Go to that pub you mentioned yesterday.”
“We could, but I’d feel bad about leaving Lisa at the mercy of Vandal.”
“Oh, I meant that we’d take her, too,” I lied, feeling immediately guilty that I hadn’t even thought about what Lisa was going to do for dinner. Here I’d been selfishly thinking of having Alden to myself, and he was being a considerate and thoughtful host.
He rubbed his face, his whiskers rasping in a way that sent a shiver down my arms. “We could do that if you like.”
“Sure.” I slapped a cheerful smile on my face. “Do you think we should invite Fenice and Vandal, too?”
“Why?” he asked, narrowing his eyes on me. “You don’t... er... you’re not...” He made an oddly abrupt gesture.
“You pick the weirdest times to get tongue-tied,” I told him, leaning in to kiss him. “Here you’ve been chatting away without so much as a twinge, even while doing the most intimate things two people can do, and whammo! One mention of Vandal and you’re Mr. Hesitant. Do I need to askyouif you’re jealous?”
“No,” he said quickly, straightening his shoulders. “Of course not.”
“OK, then,” I said, and opened the door of his bedroom. “We’ll ask Fenice and Vandal to come with us.”
“Fine,” he said, following me as I headed downstairs. Silence accompanied us until we were just outside the kitchen, from which voices could be heard. I put my hand on Alden’s arm and stopped him. “Alden, I feel kind of odd.”
“Odd how?” His brow wrinkled. “Sick? Or sore from...” He waggled his eyebrows, but stopped when a thought obviously struck him. “I wasn’t too rough on you, was I? I know I got a bit carried away at the end, but I assumed you’d tell me if I did something you didn’t like, or that hurt you—”
“No, nothing like that,” I said with a reassuring smile, and a little bite on his chin. “Thatwas fabulous. Especially you being enthusiastic. I meant that I feel like I’m using you, somehow. It’s like you have this magic button, and I press it, and hey nonny-nonny, you can talk. Do you... does it irritate you when I do that?”
“Press my magic button?” His lips twitched. “Far from it.”
I smacked his arm. “You know what I mean. When I kiss you to distract you from feeling weird. Is that abusing you? Should I stop? It’s almost like I’m taking the choice away from you, and I don’t want you thinking that’s what I’m doing.”
He looked thoughtful for a few minutes. “I don’t feel used. And I don’t think you’re taking my choice from me—if I didn’t want to talk to you, I wouldn’t, no matter what you did.”
“Does it help you when I refocus your anxiety away from the situation?” I asked, still worried that I wasn’t doing him any good by bypassing his social awkwardness.
“I think it does,” he said, still thoughtful. “It’s not so much that you’re refocusing, but reminding me that I’m getting caught up in frustration when I don’t need to be.”
“Oh, good,” I said, relaxing. “I really do want to help you, you know.”
“I know,” he said, and gave my butt a little squeeze. “And I appreciate it. You’re the only woman other than my mother with whom I’ve felt this comfortable.”
“That’s slightly creepy considering what we were just doing upstairs, but I’m going to ignore that, and take it for the compliment I’m sure you meant it to be.”
“Good,” he said, and opened the door for me. “Because that’s how I meant it.”
“That’s how you meant what, darling?” drawled Lisa, now perched on one of the kitchen stools while she picked at a clump of grapes.
Alden stopped, and looked mildly appalled.
I smiled, and went over to the counter next to whichLisa sat. “Alden was just talking about his mom. Fenice, we were thinking about going to the pub for dinner. Would you and Vandal like to join us? And you, too, of course, Lisa.”
“Pub?” Fenice, who was flipping through a well-worn vegetarian cookbook, looked up eagerly. “Sure, so long as they have something I can eat. And Patrick is probably already there. He said something about needing a pint after the classes today.”
“Thank you for such athoughtfulinvitation,” Lisa drawled, her words as pointed as she could make them. “But I’m having supper with Lady Sybilla.”
