Waylon: Because they’re dipshits.
Harlow: Clearly. One guy asked me how long it took to get myself off. I didn’t know how to answer, so I lied and said five minutes.
I furrow my brow, confused.
Waylon: Why would you have to lie about that?
Harlow: Because I’ve never been able to.
Waylon: Not even with a vibrator?
Harlow: You think I have a toy? Please. I wouldn’t even know where to buy one.
Holy fuck, she really is pure and innocent to the core.
Waylon: There’s only like a dozen sex shops within a fifty-mile radius and hundreds of online ones.
Harlow: I’m not gonna order one to my house! I would die of embarrassment if my parents saw that. Perks of living at home.
I laugh at her upside-down smiley emoji.
Waylon: I guess you’ll have to use your hand like the rest of us mortals.
Harlow: Ha! I’ve tried…I just don’t know what I’m doing. Maybe you can teach me?
I blink twice to make sure I read that correctly.
Waylon: Teach you? How?
Harlow: Tell me what to do so I can get myself off. That way I don’t have to risk my mother opening a package with a sex toy inside.
Waylon: I don’t know if that’s a good idea.
Harlow: Why not? Save me from the humiliation of my father somehow finding a rubber penis in the house.
Christ. I can’t believe I’m about to agree to this…
Waylon: Fine. But only because I don’t want to give your old man a heart attack.
Harlow: On behalf of my family, we thank you for your service.
I snort at her salute emoji.
Waylon: Put two fingers together and then rub circles over your clit. Play around with the pressure and speed to see what you like or what helps get you there. You can also thrust them inside yourself and when you’renice and wet, rub the pad of your thumb over your clit to help you finish.
When she doesn’t respond immediately like she has all night, I panic.
Oh God.
That was fucking creepy, wasn’t it?
She’s gonna think I’m a sicko.
I bang my head against the back of the sofa until she finally replies three minutes later.
Harlow: Wow, that almost worked. I got close but like…lost the sensation? But that was helpful, so thank you. I’ll keep trying.
How is she talking about masturbating so freely like we’re discussing the weather? This is a new one, even for me.
