“They won’t be now that you’ve taken some,” I say, playfully punching him in the arm. I reach for a handful before Harry slaps my hand away out of nowhere.
“Please go do something very far away from here,” Harry instructs us. We can tell he’s joking, but you wouldn’t think so unless you knew him.
“It was good to see you, Harry,” I tell him.
“Yeah, yeah, you too.”
Harry gives us a small smile and waves his arms to signal it’s time to leave, so we head out. The sun is bright above us, causing my eyes to hurt. Kai is armed with his headphones and a towel, while I’m ready to hit the waves.
I kickmy legs to get further out into sea. I bring myself up so I’m sitting on top of the surfboard. I’ll stay here until a better wave comes. This is where my soul is happiest. The sensation of rising and falling is calming, and the waves give me time to think.
I think of my Mum. Does she think I’m doing the right thing? A fresh start? When I went to Uni, I was living my life, but I wasn’t alive. I don’t want to live like that, but dying isn’t an option. It never is. I learned that on the roof of my student accommodation. I can’t let it get that bad again.
I didtryto live my life. I met a boy that I thought I liked, but he just used me. Now he haunts my dreams at night and it’s painful because it feels so fucking real. I was so stupid. We went out on ‘dates’- if you could even call sitting in his house a date. I thought I loved him with everything I had. But he never felt like that towards me. I was just an object to him. A body to pleasure him. He used me.
I need to stop thinking about Jonathan. He’s not going to ruin my life. He can’t hurt me anymore.
Okay, a wave is coming, a big one. Let’s see if I can actually remember what I’m doing. I turn around, facing the beach, and lie chest down on the board. I start kicking my feet and sweepingmy arms in and out of the water in big circle shapes. I gain momentum in time for the wave. The wave hits the bottom of the board and I jump up on my feet. It feels alien because I haven’t done this in a while, but I’m balancing! I haven’t fallen! I haven’t?—
Shit
I crash into the water. My back hits the ground before I begin to rise again. I reach the surface and breathe in deeply to regain my lost breath. I can’t help but laugh at my failure. I can’t think why. I guess sometimes you just have to laugh at yourself. I spot Kai sitting down on the sand. He pulls his sunglasses to the top of his head as he struggles to hold back his laughter.
Dickhead.
I stick the middle finger up at him. He sticks both of his middle fingers up at me, his smile so big I can see it from here. I pull on the rope connecting me to the board so I can grab it. I begin walking out of the sea. I feel the water surround my feet, then rush back again. I spot my bag and Kai, now noticeably closer to the tide than when I started. I take my wetsuit off down to my hips, the air now surrounding my torso. Kai takes his headphones off and wraps them around his neck. He flashes me a smile.
“Someone’s been working out,” Kai says. I look down at my stomach and instantly feel self-conscious.
“Fuck off man,” I sneer, digging into my bag and hunting for my phone. I fish it out and turn it on. I have a missed call from Arthur. I can phone him back later though.
“I’m serious! Just look at those muscles! You lifting weights?” Kai asks, standing up and brushing sand off their jeans. Kai is the only person I know who wears black skinny jeans to the beach.
“Yeah, actually, I may not have abs, but I’m pretty strong,” I say, flexing my biceps.
“Oh my god, don’t you dare start flexing out here,” Kai shouts, throwing a pile of sand at me. We start laughing until my phone vibrates.
It’s Kai’s Mum.
“Hey Demi, how are you,” I say with the phone pressed against my ear. I take my board and Kai takes my bag, we start walking down the beach.
“Hello my lovely, I’m alright. I was just giving you a call to see how you’re getting on,” she says. Should I be honest? She’ll see right through me if I lie. How does she even know I’m home?
“I’m great!” I say enthusiastically. Probably too enthusiastic there, Noah.
“Please don’t lie to me,” she says, worries rising in her throat. “How are youreally?”
“It’s been hard. But for once, I actually feel confident.”
“About what?” She asks. It’s a valid question. I don’t feel confident about many things, but moving here is different.
“Moving back home. Having a fresh start,” I reply, trying to sound hopeful. It’s how I feel, but it’s mixed with a tinge of sadness, and I can’t stop it from happening, no matter how hard I try.
“I think this will be good for me, Demi.”
“I think so too, son. I know you haven’t had it easy…” she trails off, not wanting to continue, but I knew where she was going with it. Mum’s death was a kick in the teeth. Someone up in the sky must despise me.
“Isabelle was my best friend. I miss her, but… well, it’s hard to… you know. We all deal with grief in different ways. For you, a fresh start might be just what you need! Fresh starts don’t come around every day. They can give people a second chance when they need it most. And that’s special.”
