“He isn’t though, thankfully,” Teddy says before we sit down again.
“I might need to,” I choke, before reaching for an empty bottle of wine. “I should get us some more wine,” I tell them, trying to appear as happy as can be.
“I could give you a hand. You just gonna grab a couple from you and Kai’s flat?” Elijah asks.
You and Kai’s flat…
Oh my god.
It was nice while it lasted, right?
I need to remind myself why I’m doing this. I’d rather give up my happiness and have them all live. Either way, I end up alone and miserable. But at least if I leave, they’ll live. They’ll move on. They’ll forget about me eventually. Everything will work out for them. I know it will.
“Nah, it’s alright. I’m sure I can handle carrying a few bottles of wine. I won’t be long,” I tell them as I grab my coat. I look at all my friends as I reach the door. They all smile and wave as I leave the flat for the last time, not knowing what I’m about to do.
“I won’t be long,” I say, as if forever isn’t a long time.
Igo to Kai’s and pack my bags quietly. No one can see me leave. I won’t give any warning. I’ll just leave. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I’ll leave, and they can forget about me.
That will be easy, right?
They can just forget about me and move on. Then no one will get hurt. I’ve already booked a taxi from here to the train station. I shove everything I need into a bag and struggle to get it shut. I fight with the zippers, then throw the bag at the wall, cursing loudly as it crashes against the wall.
Keep calm
Keep calm
Keep calm.
I pick the bag up and try to zip it up again. I eventually get it shut just as I hear the door open.
“Hey Noah, do you need a hand carrying the wine?” Elijah asks from the front door. I listen to his footsteps as he inches towards my room.
“Are you here, Noah?” He asks again, which causes my heart to stop beating.
“Uh, yeah,” I choke out. I need to go through with this. I can’t give up now. I need to keep them safe. I grab the bag and head out of my room without saying anything.
We both look at each other for a moment before saying anything.
“Now, I know you said you didn’t need help, but the more we thought about it, it’s not very fair for you to carry all the wine yourself, so I thought I’d come give you a hand,” Elijah says, then he glances down at my bag. “That seems a little excessive, no? A couple of bottles would have been fine, man,” He laughs, pointing at the bag in my hand.
“I’m leaving,” I say deadpan. Elijah stops laughing, and his smile droops into a frown.
“What? You can’t leave. Why are you?—”
“I’m sorry, but I have to,” my voice cracks as my eyes well up with tears. I go past him and head for the door.
“Are you serious?” He asks, as water begins to collect at the bottom of his eyes. His bottom lip trembles. “Why must you do this now? I thought we became really good friends. And I mean Teddy, oh my god, what am I supposed to tell Teddy? Why are you doing this?”
“Because I have to,” I cry, wiping away runaway tears. “I have to leave because I don’t want any of you to get hurt.”
“We won’t… what are you talking about, Noah?”
“I’m sorry I have to go,” I whisper.
“What about when Kai wakes up? And hewillwake up. What do I tell him? He’ll be devastated, Noah. You can’t do this to us,” he cries as I walk around him towards the door.
“I’m sorry. I’m doing this because I care about you all.”
