9
“Well, it certainly won’t be dull with those gentlemen around.” Frances told Meredith as they climbed the stairs after dinner. Suzannah and Kit had gone home for the night, but Darius and his remaining friends were in the billiard room, smoking cigars and drinking brandy. The sound of warm, masculine laughter coming from below blended with the sweet scent of their cigars. It was strangely comforting.
“I suppose it won’t. I do like them all immensely,” Meredith confessed.
Frances chuckled. “I can understand that, my dear. They are very handsome and intelligent, and they seem like the right sort of trouble.”
“The right sort of trouble?” Meredith stifled a giggle, which made Frances laugh. It was a wonderful sound, as though Frances was used to laughing often. Meredith liked that about her. Frances wasn’t afraid to live and take up space in the world. It was the way Meredith wanted to live someday.
“Oh yes, certainly trouble. But splendid trouble, the sort that brings out parts of us we might otherwise keep hidden. Mr. Petersham was very much like Mr. Wyndham, quiet but undeniably charming. It’s hard for a woman to resist a man like that. Seeing Mr. Wyndham brings back memories of my husband.”
“Do you miss him?”
Frances paused at the top of the stairs, her gaze growing distant. “With all my soul. But that’s the strange thing about grief. Our hearts keep healing and growing even after the reason for living has gone. Human hearts are quite stubborn things, you see.”
Meredith gently squeezed Frances’s hand. The woman patted her fingertips.
“Someday you will feel that you have grown around the grief you feel from losing your uncle. That pain will feel less because you’ve added more new joy to your life. But you must work at it every day in order for that moment to come.”
Meredith thought of Darius and the joy that he gave her, the quiet rush of excitement she felt when she first saw him in the morning, the flashes of exquisite heat whenever his hands touched her. And then there was his kisses…those created infinite feelings of joy that defied measurement.
Frances hesitated. “Which reminds me… I believe we should speak privately.” She led Meredith into her bedchamber and made sure no servants were lingering before she closed the door. She grasped Meredith’s hands in hers. “I’ve noticed that you seem drawn to Lord Tiverton. Are you in love with him?”
“I barely know him,” Meredith said perhaps a bit too quickly. “We are strangers?—”
“Lightning can strike between strangers,” Frances said in a knowing, but gentle voice. “Tell me truthfully, child. If you could have anyone as your husband, would you choose him?”
Meredith didn’t answer right away. There was something in the way Frances had mentioned lightning striking between strangers. It wasn’t that she’d loved Darius at first sight, no, but she’d sensed that he could become the greatest love of her life, if she dared to let it happen. And the more time she spent with him, the more certain she was of that future. It was strange. She had lived a life not knowing she could ever find someone like him, yet she had. She knew too well that she would never get to truly have him.
She searched her heart for a long moment before she answered with a nod.
Frances’s face softened. “Very well. Then we will work to make that happen for you.”
“But what if he doesn’t feel the same about me? If he married me, society would punish him dearly for it. The nature of my birth is too much of a scandal for a duke.” It was terrifying to admit these fears aloud, but Frances needed to understand where she was coming from. Someone like her could only hope to be a mistress to him, and she had come to believe she deserved more than that.
“You are young, Meredith. Even with all you’ve experienced in your life, you are still innocent in the ways of men and love. Out of all of the men flirting with you tonight, only one looked at you in the way that mattered. As if you were the only person in the room. That was Lord Tiverton.” She gently touched Meredith’s cheek in a motherly way, and Meredith’s eyes prickled with tears. Frances chuckled. “And he seemed rather jealous of the way the others acted with you.”
“But that doesn’t change the nature of my birth,” Meredith pressed. “It will forever be an obstacle.”
“Has he said that to you?”
“No…”
“Then consider that it may not matter to him at all. Give the duke a chance before you throw your own happiness out of the window, because Lord Tiverton seems to look at you as if you are his entire world.”
Meredith’s heart wildly leapt with hope at Frances’s words. Maybe…maybe she did have a chance, however small, to capture happiness. If that was the case, she desperately needed Frances’s advice and therefore needed to trust her with what had happened with Darius, at least a little.
“Frances, if a man kisses you, does that signify a promise?”
Her new chaperone eyed her thoughtfully. “It depends upon the man. If you have been kissed by Tiverton, then I would think it might well mean a promise. But you still need to hear the words from him. Be careful. Some men will take whatever a woman is willing to give them and do not always understand that what you give them is precious and cannot be given a second time.” Frances gave her a hug. “Now, be safe, my young friend. Remember, never give a man what you aren’t willing to lose. That includes your heart.”
“Thank you.”
Having someone to talk to, someone who would not judge her, was such a comfort to Meredith. She’d realized how alone she’d been until now. Mrs. Todd in Yorkshire had been sweet but had kept the barrier up, because she saw Meredith as part of Uncle Ben’s family and not staff.
“Goodnight.” Frances gave a smile that showed she was ready to retire for the evening and left Meredith alone in her bedchamber.
Nell came in a short while later and helped her change into her new dark blue velvet dressing gown. She blew out the candles and was asleep within minutes.
