‘Would you like to hold him?’ Holly asks me.
I nod. Hell, come here, kid. Come sit with Lucy. He sits on my lap, facing me, and wraps a hand around my finger.
‘Hey.’
He sits there quietly and takes it all in, looking me in the eye.
‘I’m Lucy. Nice to meet you.’
His hair is curly, just like mine when I was that age. I pull at one of his blond curls and make a ‘boing’ noise to make him giggle.
‘Bounce high, little one. Bounce high.’
After some brief conversation and baby cuddles, Holly, James and Oscar don’t stay long and we wave them off as they stroll into the sunset, into the crowds of Westminster Bridge. As they leave, the emotion is far too much for Meg, who bursts into tears and I have to sit there holding her, which to be fair is a bloody liberty as I was the one who nearly died and also the one who was supposed to be sharing a moment with my biological child.
‘All good?’ asks Grace, from behind us. ‘Meg, we told you to be here because you’re the strongest, why are you sobbing?’
Beth gets tissues out of her rucksack and hands them to Meg, who blows her nose noisily.
‘Because it was amazing. Look what she did, she made that family so happy and that baby is just adorable.’
Emma hands us both cups of coffee. ‘We kept our distance so they wouldn’t think we’re descending on them en masse to stare at the baby. They’d think we were trying to steal him,’ she explains.
‘It’s all good. I got to meet him, time to move on,’ I say.
‘Are you OK though?’ Grace says, all the sisters glaring down at me, thinking the moment may have triggered some emotion or even regret in me. How do I just move on from something as life-changing as that?
‘I’m perfect, that baby is with the right people. He’ll be grand.’
Emma gazes over at me in a weird way that almost speaks of some pride though she’ll probably never say that out loud. Beth looks like she knew there was good in me, somewhere about my person. Grace’s face speaks worry, concern. When you found out about Oscar, you stroked out, don’t do that here, again.
‘We have a question though…’ Beth asks. ‘Why did you never tell us? You tell us everything.’
‘Not everything…’ I say indignantly.
‘Luce, I feel that I know everyone you’ve had sex with quite intimately and I’ve not even met a tenth of them in real life,’ Grace tells me. ‘You used to describe their penises to us.’
‘You want to know all the things I’ve done for money…’ I tell them.
‘No!’ Emma shrieks. ‘What have you done for money? Please not that…’
‘Ems, seriously? I do have some class about me…’
The sisters all look a little dubious at that statement.
‘I knew some of you would have your reservations about the ethics. Maybe I didn’t want to be talked out of it. It felt important, like a good thing to do.’
Beth puts her head on my shoulder.
‘But what if it’d gone wrong?’ Emma asks me. ‘You were put under sedation.’
‘And I put your name as an emergency contact so I’d have been fine.’
‘So why was he pinned? As a note?’ Beth asks me.
‘To remind me occasionally of something good in my life. I have plenty good but when I’m at a horrible audition, I’m waiting in the rain for a bus or I’m having to scrub a theatre toilet because a punter’s had too much Merlot then the note gives me a little boost.’
I get up and urge the sisters to walk with me. It’s too nice an evening not to at least have a promenade along this place. Emma and Meg lead the way, linking arms, while us younger three follow closely behind like ducklings.
