There seems to be pain in her eyes that I don’t remember that weekend; obviously it was special in some capacity.
‘I don’t. I’m so sorry, lovely. Tell me about it though. I want to know what we did.’
‘Well, I live in the Lakes and it’s pretty quiet so you showed me all the fun side of London. We saw a couple of theatres where your mates worked and we went to Camden and Borough Market and we ate ramen in Soho. It was really cool,’ she says. She gets her phone out and shows me photos. I’m not discreet in any of them. My midriff is out, the jeans are tight and, amidst all that fun, we spent a lot of time taking selfies where I’m either pouting, sticking out my tongue or throwing up peace signs. There’s joy in those photos and, from the way I have her in a headlock, a complete love for this girl. Well done, me.
‘Did we stay up way past your bedtime?’ I ask.
Tess nods. ‘You tried to get me in a club, for dancing, not drinking, but apparently that’s a secret I need to take to my grave.’
‘Well, that’s what aunties are supposed to do, no?’
‘That’s what Aunty Lucy does. Aunty Emma buys us personalised journals and gift cards,’ Eve whispers. ‘I’m waiting for my weekend. I want to book that in now.’
I laugh, my gaze looking over at all these nieces. God, I want to have mountains of fun with all of you. Line you all up and teach you how to dance to TLC. I need to get to know all of you again, immediately.
‘Well, little Fanny… we will book that in when I’m better.’
Both their faces pause for a moment when I say that. I guess, on the outside, I’m nearly there bar my dodgy hair regrowth. I am walking, talking and breathing but there’s a look of fear that I will never get better, that they may have lost me if I can’t get my mind back, and this angers me more than anything, to be letting these girls down, to have them think they need to mourn me. Goddamn, Icanremember how to be fun again. Teach me how to be fun again.
‘So you girls need to fill me in on stuff because my sisters are very diplomatic. Tell me about Jag. Good uncle?’
‘Better than that melon, Simon,’ Eve says quite directly. ‘He wears Jordans so he’s super cool. Have you met Max yet? He’s all right too and you’ll like him because he’s covered in tattoos. Maya and Cleo have said he’s nice.’
I love the camaraderie between all these girls. I can’t but wonder where they learnt that from.
‘And how’s school for you two? Any boyfriends?’ I ask, digging for goss like a good aunt.
‘Tess likes a boy called Callum, he always waves at her on his paper round,’ Eve tells me, retching slightly at this revelation. Tess has no hesitation in hitting her around the head.
‘He’s at my school. He’s friendly.’
‘But is he cute?’ I say matter-of-factly. ‘Do you want to snog the braces off him?’
Tess’s face rises to a blush. ‘Well… look, don’t tell Dad because I think this will freak him out. When people talk about his girls going out with boys he always talks about buying a gun.’
‘That’s what dads do. But you won’t have to worry about your dad if I’m around because if this Callum treats you badly, I will jump on a train and kick his face in, yes?’
They both smile. This feels more like the aunt they know and it’s good to see that parts of me never left the building. From the rear, Joe suddenly appears and scuttles past us at demonic speed and Eve chases him down to help Will, who is still weighed down by his rucksack. She catches him and throws him up in the air.
‘What are you two gossiping about?’ Meg suddenly says, appearing at my shoulder.
‘Your daughter’s first tattoo. Has she not shown you?’
Meg’s face blanches even if she knows that to be a complete lie.
‘It’s on my back,’ Tess teases and skips away to find Maya and hold her hand.
‘Meggsy, they’re kinda awesome, eh?’ I say, my gaze drawn to the way Eve walks, just like her mum.
‘They are. Good gene pool.’
‘The best.’
‘If she gets a tattoo though, I will kill you. Actually maim you with a brick.’
‘I love you too, sis.’
‘Here… We got you a gift,’ Meg tells me, handing me something wrapped in tissue paper. I rip it open to find a shiny gold badge with the words ‘Birthday Bitch’ on it.
