‘Is my boyfriend. We got together when I was twenty-four or so.’
‘And he makes you happy?’
Beth pauses for a moment to adjust Jude on her boob. ‘Very.’
Did I ever envisage my sisters with all these kids, boyfriends and husbands? In my mind, I always thought at least one of us would bag Zac Efron.
‘Can I ask a question, B?’ I mutter.
I take a deep breath, almost too scared to hear the answer.
‘Sure, hun.’
‘What have I been doing in the last ten or so years? Am I still with Josh? Is he coming to see me?’
Beth’s face tells me the answer. ‘Josh Reid? That footballer you used to date? The one with the acne and the Vauxhall Corsa?’ I can’t tell if she wants to turn this into a joke or play it seriously. ‘Luce, no.’
As soon as she says it, I feel a crushing sensation in my chest and exhale deeply, my bottom lip quivering.
‘Oh, Luce… I’m so sorry. I don’t know how else to put it. You and Josh broke up before you left for university. He wasn’t kind to you at the end.’
That part feels like an arrow to my very soul. What did he do? Zahra looks over at Beth to tell her to maybe stop. I loved him. I’m pretty sure he gave me a ring. Like, not an engagement ring. It may have been from Argos but I’m sure we were destined for something more. He looked like Beckham. Even if he was prickish to me, why do I feel so sad? Because I don’t know what he did. It’s like my heart being broken for a second time by the same person.
‘So, did I have a boyfriend? Kids?’
‘Not exactly. You have friends. Lots of them. Out of all of us, you are busy. You work and party hard. You have… fun.’
I look at her quizzically. ‘Are you saying I’m some sort of slag…?’ I ask her, almost aghast.
Zahra tries to intervene. ‘Lucy, I’m going to start washing you. We have the physio coming in a bit. I can come back later if you want to finish your conversation?’
‘Nah, you’re good,’ I say, studying Beth’s face. ‘Go on, you were telling me I was a bit of a ho.’
‘Not that at all,’ Beth says, trying to backtrack. ‘You just… out of all of us, you’ve almost shied away from that traditional relationship stuff. You worked hard at your career, you’ve spent most of your twenties at university, doing courses.’
Zahra undoes my gown and slips a flannel down my back. ‘But my career? I thought I was some sort of second-rate party princess. That doesn’t sound like I’m doing much with my life?’
‘You do all sorts. You do a lot of auditions, you’ve been in a lot of musicals and shows. I saw you inRent. You were brilliant.’
‘Oh… so basically I bed-hop and work-hop and have nothing stable or of any concrete value in my life. Do I own a flat? A house?’
‘You live in a house share in Herne Hill.’
‘Do I have a car?’
‘No. You failed your test five times and your instructor said after that you may be a lost cause.’
‘I remember him, his name was Robert. He said I was good at driving.’
‘You gave him a concussion after a touch of road rage where you drove into a Domino’s delivery moped.’
‘I don’t remember that.’
Beth goes silent as Zahra holds my gown up, trying to protect my modesty. I peel it off completely.
‘Please, she’s got her boobs out, what are two more?’ I say. ‘You join in whenever you want, Zahra.’
If you have four sisters then you’re not really allowed to be shy. You have to embrace the nudity in enclosed spaces and all the body hair, tampons, farts and screeches over shared lip balm that come with it.
