How many people get to see the end of the
You know when people change
They gain a piece, but they lose one too.
FUTURE ISLANDS, “Seasons (Waiting on You)”
Anywhere on earth can be the center of the universe.
BLACK ELK, Oglala Lakota
Part IDÉJÀ VU
LEAVING
They left town at dawn. They left behind his brother, the fires in the engine bays, the only life Ethan had ever known.
Finally.
Before they left, he took a look into the spare room, at the remains of his brother. He walked downstairs, one foot in front of the other. He stood at a wall of photographs his mother had created for them, years ago. Ethan and Carter, aged seven, dressed up as cowboys. Their picture stood next to a faded photo of their mother. Aged seven, same getup. Little Miss Annie Oakley.
How could any children have grown into the people they’d become?
Earlier in the evening, a tedious repair in the shop had occupied Carter—Ethan—for more than an hour. In that time, Hunter and his brother had been alone together, here in the house. They’d spoken about something, and at length. Ethan had heard the rumble of their voices through the wall, though he couldn’t make out what they’d said.
Now, Hunter descended the steps behind him. He looked at the wall of photographs.
Ethan said, “You didn’t give him this idea, did you?”
Hunter pressed a hand to his chest. The smoke was kicking up his lungs. “Let’s get moving.”
Ethan told himself he was imagining things. He knew better but pretended he didn’t.
The boys drove west, into the rising sun. They were driving to California. Everyone started their lives over in California. Ethan still believed it was possible then, to start your life over.
He knew better now.
Something was changed in Ethan. He watched all of this—all of the choices and breaks and self-deceptions that had led to this moment—and saw them honestly for the first time. Had he knownthat Hunter was dangerous before they left Ellersby? Yes. There had been times, these last six weeks, when folks around town had been fool enough to disrespect Hunter—or worse, disrespect Ethan—and a black fire had flared to life in Hunter’s eyes, the unmistakable signal of violence ready to break free. Once, when Ethan was on his way back from a solo trip to Walmart, Sheriff Powell had pulled him over.Wanted to give you a chance to talk one-on-one, the sheriff said.Just in case you’ve got yourself in a bind with a man you can’t handle.
Ethan had waved this away. Ethan had told himself that Hunter wasn’t a bad man, but of course, deep down, Ethan knew this was a lie. He knew it was a lie, and he hadn’t cared. That morning when they left Ellersby, Ethan hadn’t seen Hunter hurt anyone (not yet), but he’d always known that it could be done.
Ethan had also knownthis, even if he never admitted it: the shop wasn’t sustainable. The bank would reclaim it eventually. There was nothing left for him in Ellersby. He’d known for years that he would need to leave, and the thought had filled him with such fear he’d never once considered it possible. He’d held on. He’d scraped by. He’d put off the inevitable for as long as he could.
And then, when Hunter laid out his plan, Ethan realized he had his way out. That he wouldn’t be alone. He was ready, all at once, to burn it all down, whatever the cost.
Whatever the cost.
He killed families, Mister Cross. It was a specialty for Hunter.
Now, after swallowing the shard of the silver mirror, Ethan saw without delusion. His choices—his willful ignorance—are what got him into this mess. Looking at them honestly was probably the only way he was going to get out of it alive. Ethan watched himself watch the fire burning in the truck’s mirror. He accepted it all. He started to plan what he would do when they reached the motel.
Ethan watched himself, in the past, watching Hunter watch the sun. Ethan felt the roil of love and desire and fear that he suspected would always define the time he’d spent with this man. Ethan was so scared that first morning they left town, so thrilled at all the potential suddenly unfolding in his life, so desperate to pretend he hadn’t madean enormous error. Ethan had felt so young that first morning, in all the best ways and in all the worst.
Ethan reached out a hand for Hunter. “Promise you’ll always watch out for me?”
Hunter looked him in the eye. Gave his hand a squeeze. “?’Til the end of time.”
THE BORDERLANDS
