“Your order will be right up,” the barista squeaks before scurrying away.
“I’ve lost my appetite. See you guys there.” I pat Lenny’s shoulder before bursting through the doors and disappearing into the city.
Orion splits our time between the training grounds and the river. My time underwater has increased by seconds, which feels insignificant, but he assures me it is remarkable progress. I keep pushing the limit and going under; the need to be stronger, faster, andbetterconsumes me. Black dots dance at the edge of my vision, and still I remain. A burn edges into my chest and up my throat; the urge to breathe alarms my senses. Just a few more seconds…
Strong hands pull me out of the water. I gulp precious oxygen, chest heaving. “What the fuck are you doing? You’re going to hurt yourself!” Orion has his arms wrapped around my chest, my body flush with his as he pulls us out of the water.
“I’m fully capable of calling it!”
“You were about to pass out!”
“I don’t need you dictating what I can and cannot do.”
Orion plops us into the grass, his arms still wrapped around my ribcage. His voice growls in my ear. “It is my fuckingjobto keep you safe, Zellie.”
“Oh, so I’m a job to you?” I push his hands away, standing.
He runs his hands across his face. “Damn it, Zi. You are so much more, and you know it. Why are you lashing out at me?”
I brush the excess water off of me, distracting myself from meeting his eyes. He’s right, of course. I haven’t been able to shake this mood since earlier today. “I’m sorry, I’m drained. Let’s be done for today.”
“Tell me what’s wrong,” he demands as I stomp towards the pathway.
My body twists towards him, wet hair whipping into my face with the motion as my anger flares. Voice raised, I shout, “We’re not important! My life doesn’t fucking matter toanyone.No oneknows,Orion. They think it’s all a production.”
Orion strides towards me, cupping my face gently. “Your life matters tome.”
The words slip out of my mouth, laced with venom. I know I shouldn’t say them. I know there isn’t truth to them, but I can’t stop myself. I’m too far gone. “Yeah, so I can win this for you. Just another pawn.” His hand instantly drops from my face.
I turn away, shame replacing my fury. Orion lets me go without another word, but part of me wishes he had stopped me.
Forty-two
The last week before the third challenge, Orion enters my apartment with a solemn look on his face.
“Now what?”
“The Kosmos unexpectedly is hosting a ball this week. They pulled me aside to tell me how much they were looking forward to speaking with you. Any reason that may be, Zellie?”
I feel the color drain from my face. Do these people find out everything? How? Are they spying on us? “I may have had a brief outburst recently.”
“And you didn’t think to tell me?”
“I didn’t think it was a big deal!”
“Any outward display of opposition towards them is abig deal,Zi!” Orion rubs his temple. “I swear to the stars I did not think you would cause methismuch stress.”
“Oh, lighten up, Riri. I merely shared my opinion.”
“Lighten up?” Orion laughs, but the sound isn’t funny at all. He pinches his nose—does he regret being my sponsor yet? The internal damage I’ve caused him at this point is irrevocable. “You’re supposed to be flying under their radar.”
“My temper got the best of me.”
“Again.”
“Again,” I repeat, picking at my nail bed.
“You’re lucky your temper is one of your most redeeming qualities.”
