He laughed. “I’m shocked at how good it is.”
She wiped her eyes. “You know, this was the only movie death I could watch for years after my mom died.”
“Because they’re Muppets and not people?”
Ruby shook her head. “No, it’s because I know how the movie ends. This is just a dream.”
Rashid turned to look at her. “Can I ask you a question? You not liking doctors… does that have anything to do with your mother’s illness?”
Ruby sighed and paused the movie. She knew he’d ask that question eventually. “I don’t actuallyhatedoctors. It’s just that my mother had more than one doctor minimize her symptoms before she was finally diagnosed. She was told to lose weight when she complained of back pain or shortness of breath. Really, her breast cancer had already spread. Maybe they would have listened if she was white, skinny, or male.”
Rashid shook his head, eyes full of compassion. And a touch of anger. “Oh, Ruby, I’m so sorry. That’s horrible.”
“I know you wouldn’t do that. I mean, you listen to your patients, right?”
“I try to,” he said. “I know gender bias is a big problem in medicine. And racial and body-type bias, too. I believe all physicians have a duty to examine the preconceived notions that we bring to our practice so we can treat all patients with the same care and empathy. I sat on a task force in Calgary that was working on ways to encourage physicians to examinetheir biases. I know I can be… difficult in my personal life, but I work hard to be empathetic and nonjudgmental in my work.”
She believed him. Maybe if Mom’s doctors had been like Rashid, Ruby could have had more time with her. Maybe Mom would have suffered less.
They were silent for a while. Ruby had learned to sit with silence instead of always wanting to fill it, thanks to this man.
Finally, she smiled at him. “I think you’re one of the good ones. And I don’t dislikealldoctors. My surgeons in Montreal were fantastic.”
He looked at her with a curious expression but didn’t ask for more. Of course he wouldn’t ask why she had surgeons in Montreal. He was respectful of her privacy. But good friends should be honest with each other, so she wanted to tell him the truth about herself. If he was going to know her, he needed to know all of her.
“Mom’s cancer was genetic,” she said quickly. “We have the BRCA1 genetic mutation.”
His face fell. “Oh, Ruby, I’m sorry.” He was a doctor, so he would understand what that meant. He would know that her BRCA1 mutation meant Ruby had a much higher than average chance of developing breast and ovarian cancer, and a high risk of other cancers, too. Like skin cancer.
“I mean, it’s fine,” she said. “It’s not a big deal to me. And I mean that.” Ruby didn’t tend to tell a lot of people about her medical history—first, because it was none of their damn business, but also because she always got pitying looks for it. She understood that different people coped with things differently, and there was nothing wrong with that at all, but her genetic mutation didn’t have a lot of impact on who she was, otherthan the fact that her boobs were now fake. Losing her natural breasts was nowhere close to being as hard as losing her mother, and she hated being pitied because of her unlucky genes.
Rashid seemed to understand, though. He didn’t look pitying, just empathetic. “So, the surgery you had in Montreal was…”
Ruby smiled. “I had a preventative mastectomy with silicone implant reconstruction. I also had my fallopian tubes removed, since most ovarian cancers start in the tubes. I plan to get my ovaries removed in a few years. I never wanted kids anyway.”
He tilted his head. “Really? You don’t want kids? Like, ever?”
She put her hand to her chest with indignation. “Procreation?In this economy?”
He huffed a laugh. “Seriously, though. You’re great with the girls. You’d be a fantastic mother.”
Ruby shrugged. “I mean, I like kids. And who knows, I may change my mind and adopt, or go the IVF route. But I didn’t have the best childhood. After my mom passed, I decided it’s probably best if my bloodline dies with me. What about you? I assume you want a whole brood?”
He shook his head. “I don’t know. I used to. I wanted a wife and kids and all that. But I worked long hours for years, and I saw other doctors miss their kids’ music recitals or come into the hospital on their kid’s birthday, and I don’t want to be an absent father. I figured I’d wait until I had a private practice. But now…” He exhaled.
“It’s not too late for you,” Ruby said. “You’re fantastic with your nieces. If you want kids, you still can have them.”
“Yeah, maybe. I don’t know, though. I mean, the world is pretty messed up. I don’t know if itneedsmore children in it.I can be a favorite uncle instead. Or I can adopt or foster a kid who needs me.”
They were silent for a while. Ruby wanted to say that if he wasn’t entirely sure if he wanted kids, then he shouldn’t have any. She knew what it was like to have a father who didn’t really want a daughter.
But Rashid would never be like her father. She smiled at him. “Let’s finish the movie. Wait until you see how excited the bunny gets when Scrooge sends him to buy a turkey. You’re going to want to adopthim.”
After she put the movie back on, Ruby watched Rashid instead of the movie. She could tell he was really into it. It seemed her Christmas hater was on the road to his own Scrooge-style redemption. But on second thought, Rashid didn’t need a redemption. He was fine as he was. With Dr. Rash, you needed to get a little underneath his skin to see his warm and soft core.
After the movie, Ruby put a music playlist on, then put the kettle on for tea. She brought two mugs of oolong back to the sofa. “Do you want to watch another one?Love, Actuallyis controversial, but it’s also one of my favorites.”
He raised one brow as he took a mug from her. “What are you trying to do to me, Red? I’ll give the Muppets a pass because they’re the Muppets. But I have to draw the line somewhere. No Hugh Grant.”
