“Bohemian? Sana, this isn’t the 1960s. They’re beingridiculous. How you dress doesn’t mean you’re not serious.”
I turn to look at Cara. Maybe she isn’t the right person to talk to about this. She’s dressed…conventionallyagain. Jeans and a polo shirt. I don’t think I’ve seen Cara in all black once since Hannah came back to town. I hope she’s not dressingconservativelyfor Hannah.
Anyway, I just need to put the whole Miles and Sarina situation out of my mind. “Hey, do you want to go to Kensington Market tomorrow night?” I ask. Neither of us is working tomorrow. “I’m sure I can find something for prom there.”
Cara shakes her head. “I’m not sure Hannah would be into that.”
I don’t recall inviting Hannah, but okay. “If she’s not into shopping, we could meet up with her after? How about dumplings in Chinatown?”
Cara doesn’t look at me as she flips through dresses. “No, I mean I don’t think she’s into us all hanging out.”
I blink. Is Cara telling me that her girlfriend doesn’t like me? Which… fine. I’m not a huge Hannah fan either. “You can come without her, you know,” I point out. “You two don’t have to do everything together.”
Cara shrugs. And is still quiet. I don’t even know what to say. Is Cara notallowedto do things without Hannah?
Cara is so, so happy to have Hannah back in the city. I’d ruin our friendship if I told Cara that I think her girlfriend is controlling. Although at this rate I’m probably going to lose Cara as a close friend either way, since Hannah doesn’t seem keen on Cara hanging out with me outside of work. Cara is such a great friend, I need to say something. Maybe Cara can’t see what’s right in front of her face.
“Cara, does Hannahlet… I mean, is sheokaywith you doing things without her?”
Cara looks at me, irritation all over her face. “Of course I can do things without her. We’re a couple. We want to spend time together. You would understand if you…”
I exhale. I would understand if I were in a relationship.
For a moment the only sound is the rustling of clothes as we swipe through our respective racks, until Cara says calmly, “We’re fine. Hannah just likes spending time with me alone, that’s all.” Cara takes a beige off-the-shoulder gown off the rack and holds it up to me. I cringe and shake my head. I am not a beige person.
She puts the dress back. “Back to Sarina and Miles,” Cara says. “Sarina’s been in Cosmic more than once. I don’t think she looks down on your wardrobe. And Miles… why do you even care what she says to him? You guys are friends, now, right? He wouldn’t be more influenced by someone he just met over his actual friend.”
He might if he had feelings for Sarina.
I sigh. I’m not going to tell Cara that my own feelings for Miles go way beyond friendship. Because maybe if I never say it aloud, the feelings will go away. “I don’t want him to think less of me.” I pause. “I admit—Sarina brings out my insecurities. I thought it would be fine if I saw her without Dad or Noureen, but maybe I’ve internalized everything Noureen’s said about Sarina being better than me in every way.”
“Well, that’s ridiculous,” Cara says. “Your stepmother is wrong about you.”
“Thanks.” I smile sadly. “I’m probably overthinking. I hate being in a funk. This prom situation is getting to me. Imean, I’ve been looking forward to prom forfouryears, and I’ve been planning it since September, and now here I am days away and I don’t have a date or a dress. Pathetic, right?”
“It’s not pathetic, Sana,” Jenn says, making me jump. I totally hadn’t noticed that she’d joined me and Cara at the formal dresses. She was probably listening to our conversation. “Sometimes life throws us curveballs, that’s all.”
I don’t have pity parties very often. In fact, I pride myself on being a positive person, on finding the upside of every situation. But these days I just haven’t been feeling like my usual sunny self. I exhale. “A few weeks ago I thought the fact that Priya didn’t want to go to the dance with me anymore was anopportunity. I wassoexcited to find someone new. Didn’t quite work out, did it?”
Maybe Miles is right… Maybe society does place too much importance on romantic love. Maybe if it didn’t I wouldn’t feel so crappy about my lack of a love life.
Neither Jenn nor Cara says anything. I guess they aren’t used to dealing with a pessimistic Sana. Heck,Idon’t know how to deal with it.
“Enough of this,” I say. “I need to thinkpositively. The perfect dress is here. I can feel it.” I scan the dresses on the next rack. There’s a bubble-gum pink dress that could work. I pick it up. It’s clearly not my size. Cara cringes and shakes her head at the dress.
Jenn finally holds up a dress for me. I’d seen it on the rack and hadn’t looked twice at it because it’s not my style. I’m into big, puffy, and vibrant. This dress is dark plum satin and… slinky. It’s sleeveless with a halter neck and a slit up one leg. It is gorgeous… but it’s sonotmy usual aesthetic.
Before I can even say no, Jenn says, “Try it on. It should fit—I think you’d look stunning in it.”
I nod. She has a point—how can I know it won’t work without trying it? I take the dress to the fitting room, put it on, and come back out to look in the mirror.
The dress fitsperfectly, except for being a little long. My butt even looks fantastic. I turn in front of the mirror. I still look and feel likeme—just a different me. An older me. I exhale. It feels weird. Like, I said that prom is like thebookendto my teen years, and this dress somehow feels like a peek at who I’ll be in the future. I can still beme, even if things change and look a little different. I smile at myself in the mirror.
Jenn comes up behind me and pulls my hair back. “Get a blowout so your hair is sleek. And just wear earrings… no other jewelry.”
“You’ll look stunning,” Cara says. “I think this is the one.”
“It’s long,” I say. “And there isn’t time to send it to a seamstress.”
