“You know where I came from tonight?” she asked.
He shook his head.
“A BRCA peer support group. I didn’t actually go to the group, but I had coffee with the facilitator before it. I talkedabout my surgery, about this weird new pain I’m having, about how scared I am about my future. About my health.”
Marley talked to a stranger?Amazing.“What new pain?” he asked.
“It’s normal—apparently nerve regrowth. I think that it’s some sort of metaphor… because I do feel like I’ve been growing new feelings lately. That’s cheesy, right?”
“I love cheese.”
She chuckled. “Jaime—that’s the facilitator—she was cool. It was weird to hear her talk about her health and her surgery openly. But she was so accepting of her body and her ongoing risks. She has all these people that she leans on when she needs them, and she supports others when they need her. I think…” Marley paused. “IknowI’ve been scared to open up to people because I’m afraid of being a burden.”
“You’renota burden.”
Her face scrunched in annoyance. “This is hard to say. Let me finish.”
He smiled. “Sorry. Yes, go ahead.”
“But now I’m realizing it’s not just about being a burden. I’mterrifiedof commitment. The fact is, even with all these preventative measures, I could still get sick. And I will need more surgery. I thought I was too defective to be in a relationship.”
Nikhil shook his head. “That’s ridiculous.”
She smiled. “Yeah. Because I am a whole entire person, not just a broken gene.”
He chuckled. “Isn’t that what I’ve been telling you for weeks? That Jaime person sounds like a miracle worker.”
“I needed to hear it from someone who’s gone through this. Do you remember when my Maryam Aunty was sick when we were in high school?”
He nodded. Marley had been hurting so much back then. It was heartbreaking. He remembered a day in chemistry when he looked over at her and saw she was crying while taking a test. That day he decided he would make her smile at least once a day. “Yeah.”
“She was put into hospice right after prom. She died before graduation.”
That, he didn’t know. “Fuck, Marley. I am so sorry I wasn’t there for you. I was such an idiot back then. I should have talked to you.”
She shook her head. “No. I mean, I didn’t tell you why I left school. The past is the past. You had to go to LA, and I didn’t want to talk about it, anyway. That’s not why I’m saying this now. I’m telling you this because my aunt’s husband left her when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. That’s why she lived with us when she was going through treatment.”
Nikhil’s fist clenched. “Asshole.”
Marley nodded. “It’s pretty common. Jaime said not everyone has the bandwidth to be a caregiver, but Jaime’s more generous than me. I agree with you—he was an asshole. My aunt was alotlike me. She was very stylish. Loved clothes. She used to take Ruby and me to luxury department stores to look at the fashions all the time. Everyone used to say that I should have been Maryam’s daughter. She was also very reserved. Some people called her cold… especially compared to my mother, who can be a little in your face.” Marley sighed. “When my uncle abandoned her, I wondered if I was capable of making someone love me enough to stay if I got sick.”
Nikhil wanted to laugh. He wasobsessedwith Marley at the same time she was wondering if anyone could love her. Heshould have told her then. “I think your uncle deserting her was an uncle problem, not an aunt problem.”
Marley nodded. “Jaime said that when it came to relationships, she saw her BRCA mutation as sort of a blessing because it helped her weed out the duds. She’s engaged. Her fiancé was there with her through her surgeries. He was just her boyfriend then.”
“I would never, ever walk away from someone I love because they were sick.”
She nodded. “I know you wouldn’t. It’s not in you. You told me so many times—not just with words but with your actions—that you would stand by me. Youdidstand by me. You said you were all in and I should have believed you. I’m sorry, Nikhil.”
He couldn’t stand being so far from her anymore. He got up and sat next to her on the sofa, and she immediately rested her head on his shoulder. He leaned down and inhaled deeply that citrusy floral scent. Weeks ago, he’d thought her perfume was so posh. That it added to the unattainableness of her. But now it was the opposite. Now it was comforting and… home. He kissed her soft hair.
He had no idea what any of what she said meant for them. Even if she’d realized that he would never walk away because her health made things difficult, therewasa reasonsheshould walk away from him. A bigger and completely reasonable reason.
His life. His career.
“I can’t make any promises about my future, either,” he said. “Things have been rough for me lately, but, Marley, Ilovemy job. This is it for me. Acting is what I want to do.”
She nodded. “It’s what you’re supposed to do. Iwantyou to make your dreams—all of them—come true.”
