And what about Anil? Jana had no doubt he was with the rest of them. He was probably laughing. Maybe talking to Tim and Jerome about their plan to come back next year to climb Kilimanjaro. Or silently rolling his eyes to Marc about Shelina. Maybe he was playing chess with Nicole like they had in the Serengeti. Or maybe he was sitting at the bar with a beer in his hand, chatting with the storytelling bartender as if they’d been friends for years.
He’d always been like that. Standing out and yet fitting into a crowd. Being so damn personable that people just brushed off his past mistakes and he still came out on top. Jana hadnoticedAnil long before ever getting involved with him. Partially because he was extremely attractive in the exact way that appealed to Jana. Popular, charismatic, intelligent, and magnetic. He’d always seemed so much more…alivethan anyone else in any room. It was like seeing one lone lily in a field of wild grasses. You couldn’t help but see Anil in a crowd. Or at least Jana couldn’t.
They may have been mismatched personality-wise, but once upon a time, Jana had been so sure she’d found something special with Anil. Her soul mate. She’d talked to him about things she rarely talked to anyone about. About her relationship with her parents. About feeling like the odd one out with Kamila, Shelina, Rohan, and Zayan. She’d even told him about being alone with her father when he’d had a heart attack. He’d wiped her tears when she cried about it, remembering that awful day.
Jana sighed. She didn’t need to be dwelling on the past now. She stood, looking out the window at Mount Meru in the distance. Jana was restless—maybe she could check something off her “letting loose” list. She pulled out her planner. There were two things left: have a long conversation with a stranger and wear a color. She had worn colors here—the sari at the sangeet, for example. Plus, the hot-pink bikini. Although technically, those didn’t count because the list said to wear a color she picked herself, and she had not picked those clothes herself.
Where was she supposed to find a stranger to talk to? Her mind wandered again to what the others were doing in the lounge. For the first time in probably Jana’s whole life, she felt a bit of FOMO—fear of missing out—about a social situation. She wanted to be there with the others. Maybe not to join in the conversation but to witness it. She wanted to be with them all.
And she wanted to be in Anil’s orbit the most.
But that was preposterous. This is what she’d been afraid of—that being around him would bring up everything she’d buried beneath the hurt and resentment. Feelings that were more than just the physical attraction she’d had for years. She wanted to talk for hours about their work or Imani, or she wanted to sit in awe of him as he explained to others why it’s important to educate girls in villages first. She wanted to watch him braid their daughter’s hair.
But based on the way he’d been avoiding her since she left his tent in Tarangire, he didn’t want any of that. Maybe he realized Jana’s feelings for him were changing, and he was wisely keeping his distance. Anil wanted to repair their relationship so they could be better parents. He wanted to befriends—not more. And if he realized that they were getting too close—holding hands, sleeping in the same bed, even reminiscing about the past—maybe avoiding Jana was his way of putting a stop to all that.
If so, he was right. Whatever path they were on right now wasdangerous. She wasn’t sure she’d forgiven him for the past. The last thing she needed right now was a crush on her daughter’s father. She’d been beyond destroyed when she’d lost him last time. She couldn’t let that happen to her again.
Eventually, Jana turned off her brain and took a long bath, hoping to wash off this unsettled weirdness. She scrubbed, shaved, and moisturized, luxuriating in the ability to take more than ten minutes to bathe for a change. She blow-dried her hair, giving it a healthy shine instead of the frizz she’d sported for most of this trip. She put on the nicest dress she’d brought—a thin-strapped cream belted dress covered with vibrant flowers and leaves, with a full skirt and a long slit going up one leg. This would be the last night the wedding party would be all together. Jana wanted to make it a night she wouldn’t forget.
She found the party in the lounge area near the front desk of the hotel. Jana wasn’t the only one who’d put on her nicest clothes for this last night. Kamila looked stunning in a jaw-dropping magenta-and-teal dress with her hair cascading in loose waves down her back.
“Yay!” Kamila said, hugging Jana. “Look at you, Jana! That dress is to die for. Come—let’s get you a drink.”
Jana smiled, joining the table. Yuriko and some of the others left to change for dinner, and Jana ordered a drink from the waiter and sat with her friends. Jana noticed Anil, of course. She always noticed Anil. He was in a pale green dress shirt and charcoal pants, and he didn’t even look at Jana when she sat at the table. Things were back to how they were before—back to their nonrelationship.
That was fine. Jana didn’t need the attention of Anil Malek to feel like she belonged in this group. She sipped on her cocktail and chatted. Eventually, they were all brought outside to a beautiful gazebo walled with mosquito netting. A fully decorated table was set there with glimmering china, sparkling crystal glassware, and candles with flames dancing in the light tropical breeze. Jana found herself seated with Yuriko on one side of her and Nicole on the other. Anil was not sitting near her. He was smiling and talking to Jerome, and it looked like he was having a great night. The waiter came with the first course—a pureed potato-and-spinach soup, which was delicious.
“This was such a wonderful idea,” Asha said. She was wearing a bright orange belted jumpsuit with her wild curls pulled back from her face. “Hey, Jana, did you see the giraffe outside your window?”
Jana shook her head. “I was in the bath.”
“Mmm…the bath in our room was spectacular,” Kamila said. “Right, Rohan? Big enough for both of us.”
“The last few days have been so chaotic I was glad to have some alone time,” Jana said.
“Just like old times, then?” Anil said, finally looking at her.
She raised a brow at him. “What do you mean?”
He smiled, swirling the wine in his glass. “I mean, you’ve always preferred to be alone.”
She didn’t take his bait. Didn’t glare, frown, or scowl but put her new smiling, social face on instead and asked Marc if he’d ended up taking a walk on the grounds.
The rest of the meal was delicious. Jana thought the fish she chose looked the tastiest, but the real standout was the ginger-cinnamon Napoleon pastry for dessert. And the Tanzanian coffee served with it.
After dinner, Jana escaped for a moment to call Imani, who was having fun watching movies with Shelina’s kids. After the call, Jana considered just going back to her room. Everyone had gone back to the lounge for drinks, but she was feeling off. It was Anil’s comment about her preferring to be alone. Why bother finding a new element if people wouldn’t let her change? Wouldn’t let her find a new normal?
She’d been having a great night until he said that and sabotaged everything. But she wouldn’t let him win. She joined the others on the low, plush seats in the lounge and ordered another old-fashioned, determined not to let her overthinking get in the way of having fun.
“We should play a drinking game,” Kamila said.
“No thank you,” Jana said. She did not play drinking games.
“Yeah, I agree with Jana,” Anil said. “We had enough of that in college.” He grinned at Rohan. “Hey, remember that guy everyone called the ‘game master’? What was his real name…the one who used to wear that velvet blazer everywhere? We played that drinking game about slasher movies with him.” He looked at the others. “You had to take a drink whenever the pretty girl did something stupid.”
“Ugh,” Asha said. “So sexist and juvenile. Let me guess—this ‘game master’ guy wore a fedora.”
Jerome chuckled. “Come on, Asha. Should you be judging others on their misspent youth? I’ve heard your stories. What about that time you got drunk and stole a tiger?”
