“I was sure, too,” Anil said suddenly. “I mean, on my wedding day. She was the most beautiful person I’d ever seen, and it felt like time stood still whenever we were together. But I was nervous because Ifeltthe fragility of the moment. Like maybe it was all an illusion.” He chuckled, rubbing his face. “And considering how my marriage ended, my nerves were warranted. Maybe I knew.”
Jana looked at him. He saidhow my marriage ended. He was talking about Nadia, not about his marriage to Jana, which never existed anyway.
Anil’s carefree smile returned to his face. “But look at us now. We’re closer than we’ve ever been. The best of friends. We’re so much better for Imani like this. And we’re happier, right?”
He saidhappier. Not happy.
Why was she reading into everything he said?
“Well,” Dr. Lopez said. “I, for one, admire you both for your maturity. It’s no wonder you both work in development. Isn’t that what we do? Work for the greater good? I love to see that you practice that in all areas of your life.” He looked at his wife. Or ex-wife, technically. “Shall we turn in, too, my dear? Another long day tomorrow.”
Chapter 17
Anil walked Jana back through the curving paths to her hut.
“Thanks,” Jana said as she reached the doorway.
He smiled. “I couldn’t let you walk alone. There could be lions around.”
She snorted. From this vantage point, she could make out the armed guard who patrolled the resort at night. They were safe from lions. She tilted her head. “What would you do if I was attacked by a lion?”
He shrugged. “I’d probably run like a scared squirrel. But I could at least tell the others what happened to you.”
She chuckled. “That’s not what I was thanking you for, anyway.” She was thanking him for…letting them be closer today. For not mentioning their argument yesterday. For playing in the pool with her and Imani. For not questioning or chasing her when singing ABBA gave her an anxiety attack. For continuing this farce, or whatever this was.
And she was thanking him for challenging her. For forcing her to admit all the things that were so hard to say yesterday.
She didn’t want to voice any of that out loud. But she was pretty sure he knew, anyway.
“Did it bother you? The stuff I said about weddings?” he asked.
“No. We need to make this lie believable, right?” She cringed at the wordlie. She wanted to ask him if that was really what his marriage to Nadia had been like. Did he know it was fragile even at the beginning? But Jana didn’t ask. That was breaking their unsaid rule.
Actually, she should be honest with herself. It was breakingherunsaid rule. Because he’d mentioned Nadia several times. Jana wondered if that rule had held her back. If they’d talked about what he’d gone through, about how he’d felt when Nadia abandoned and betrayed him, maybe Jana would have been able to forgive him sooner.
“Are you going to speak to your mother?” Anil asked. “I mean later. After we’re home. If you get this job, then eventually Sam Lopez will learn the truth, won’t he?”
Jana cringed. Yes, there was no way she’d keep lying to him if he hired her. “Yeah, but it willcrushMom. She’s going to see him around socially.” Jana sighed. “I hate disappointing her, but Mom’s being so weird with me lately. Like what she said about my swimsuit. Why are families so complicated?”
Anil chuckled. “Our parents are immigrants. They literally came from a different world than ours.”
“Yeah, and I guess it’s hard to make the jump from seeing your daughter as a child to a fully independent person.” Jana knew she would struggle when Imani started school in a few months. “Anil, promise me you’ll knock me upside the head if I don’t let Imani grow up.”
He nodded. “That goes for me, too. I’d hate to become one of those fathers who talk about protecting my girl with a shotgun. But I get it. I kind of want her to be my little princess forever.”
“I want her to be strong and independent and smart but still need me.” Jana smiled. “Maybe the fact that we’re having this conversation means we’ll be good parents? Better than ours?”
“We arealreadygood parents, Jana. And I think we will be no matter what happens in the future.”
Jana agreed with that. Anil may not have been her favorite person for years, but honestly? There was no better father for Imani—and Jana was grateful she’d had her baby with this man.
They were both silent for a while. She wondered if Anil realized that was one of their first ever face-to-face conversations about parenting.
“Jana, you may not believe this,” Anil said softly, “but I’ll always want what’s best for you. And not just because you’re Imani’s mother.”
“I do…I mean, I do believe you.”
He didn’t say anything for a few seconds and looked at her with an unreadable expression on his face. Finally, he spoke. “Do you think you’ll ever feel like that?”
