“We only talk about gaming.” I found it comforting that he didn’t know me, or my baggage.
Since LostAxis and I had started gaming more regularly over the summer, I’d felt like ... I don’t know, my own person with him. Not Devin’s girlfriend. Or Devin’sdumpedgirlfriend. Not Cass and Aimee’s friend. Not the top student in the grade.
I was just me. GreenEggsAndSam. An excellent Light Mage. And that seemed to be enough for LostAxis.
“Did you send him a real picture, too?” Aimee asked.
I shook my head. “He didn’t ask me for one.”
“He probably thinks you’re a fifty-year-old housewife,” Cass said. They paused, thinking. “Do you want me to ask my friend Carol for a pic you can send him?”
I laughed and shook my head as the bus stopped.
“You know what?” I said as we climbed off the bus. “It doesn’t matter who either of us really are. I’m not interested in him as aguy, just as a gaming friend. In fact, I’m reclaiming the brain space that thinking about guys takes up in my head. Female-presenting and nonbinary folks are all I’m going to concern myself with from now on.” I looped one arm in Cass’s and the other through Aimee’s after we got off the bus. “Maybe I’ll join a convent.”
“You’re Muslim,” Aimee said, laughing. “You can’t be a nun.”
“Fine. Send me to my grandmother’s then. That’s just as good.”
“I’ll be honest, Samaya,” Mrs.Singh said. “I was surprised to see you’re behind on your community service hours. You’ve always been steady and reliable.”
“I was supposed to be a volunteer counselor at a math camp, but I had a difficult summer,” I said. Understatement of the century. We were in Mrs.Singh’s office, and she had my open student file on her desk. I’d come to our appointment right after meeting my advanced functions teacher and getting my locker for the year. Our school was semestered, so I had four classes right now, and we had a two-day schedule, which meant I had functions first period every other day.
Usually, I was called into the guidance office to talk about some new scholarship or academic competition that Mrs.Singh found for me—something that “has Samaya Janmohammad written all over it.” This was the first time I’d been to the guidance office for something I’d donewrong. Although it wasn’t entirely my own fault that I was behind on my community service hours. It was Devin’s fault, too.
“I’m a little confused about that. You were supposed to volunteer as a counselor in a math camp, which would have given you your hours, right?”
“Yeah, but then I couldn’t go. I broke up with my boyfriend right before camp.” I was surprised Mrs.Singh didn’t know this. She must be the only person at the school—staff or student—who didn’t follow Earl’s Whispers.
Mrs.Singh looked puzzled. “Aren’t you dating Devin Kapadia? He’s such a bright student. He finished his hours last year.”
Yes, Devin was the perfect golden boy at this school. I tried not to roll my eyes. “Yeah, we broke up. We were supposed to go to camp together. But then he went with his parents to India for the whole summer instead. It was for a family wedding, but he wasn’t supposed to go.”
“I’m not following,” Mrs.Singh said. “Why would that mean you couldn’t go to camp? You needed that experience for your scholarship applications.”
I sighed. I really didn’t feel like telling her the whole story. What had happened was that when Devin dumped me, he made the camp admin switch me to counselor-in-training for the six- to eight-year-olds instead of the thirteen- to sixteen-year-olds that I was supposed to work with, so he and I wouldn’t be working together. And because Devin had pretty much everyone wrapped around his perfect little finger, they gladly moved me to the less desirable age group. But I couldn’t face a summer teaching simple arithmetic to kids while watching golden boy Devin work with teenagers on more complex equations, so I quit the job before it started. But then Devin changed his mind and joined his parents on their planned trip to India, so he didn’t even go to camp, either. I’d tried to get my job back when Devin left, but they’d already filled the vacancies with counselors from the other age groups. And they wouldn’t pull strings for me. I had no doubt they’d have done it for Devin.
So instead of even teaching simple math to kids, I spent the first week of my depressing summer in bed and the second watching movies in my pajamas. By the third week Mom was driving me up the wall with her disappointment that I wasn’t making good use out of my time, so Igot a job I hated in the ice cream shop near the mall. I ended up with a strong scooping ice cream bicep on my right arm, but without the community service hours I needed to graduate high school.
“It’s complicated,” I said.
Mrs.Singh looked at me skeptically. Like she wasn’t aware that Brown kids ever let heartbreak get in the way of achievement.
“Well, I hope you’re ready to apply yourself now,” she said. “I know you intend to apply for some scholarships. Your mother tells me you have your eye on the Schaaf-Hanke leadership award. You know we had an Earl student win one last year.”
Of course I knew. Mom wouldn’t shut up about Tina Patel. Word around the school was that Tina’s parents had paid a small fortune on an “achievement coach” to help with Tina’s applications. My mother didn’t believe me about that, though.
Mrs.Singh started listing similar awards, other scholarships offered by independent organizations, but she also talked about ones offered at universities with top math programs.
I’d heard all this from Mom before, so I zoned out a bit and looked through the window behind her desk, which faced into the quad. The quad was the unofficial grade-twelve chill spot in the school. I’d waited three years to be able to hang out there—and now I wasn’t sure if I was ever going to. Not if Devin was there. Everyone would stare at us—especially after that Earl’s Whispers post this morning.
I scanned the crowd. Aimee stood near the door talking to Jayden and another of Devin’s friends, Omar.
Mrs.Singh was still talking about scholarships. “They’ll be looking for excellence in STEM, and at your leadership experience, too. Winners must be resilient, well-rounded students who others look up to. Role models.” She squinted at her computer. “Your grades are good enough. You already have three grade-twelve credits. Well done. Now, let’s see. What are you taking this semester?” She glanced at her computer. “Data management, physics, advanced functions, and English.Good. But what about extracurriculars? You could use some leadership experience. Have you ever taken a lead role in a club here?”
I cringed. No, not really. Devin was more the leader type. I told Mrs.Singh about my idea to create a game-dev team and enter the National Youth Developers competition I’d read about online.
“That’s an excellent idea, Samaya. You can run it with Devin.”
