“Twenty. Rohan was twenty-five.”
Asha shook her head. “Typical desi parents. Who grounds a twenty-year-old? I know you told me you were a wild child, but I honestly can’t see it. You’re nothing but the hustle now.”
“I was a hot mess. I used to swear like a sailor and sneak out to meet men in parking lots. I was not the good Indian daughter Mom wanted.”
“I can’t see it.”
“Everyone thought I was a delinquent. Shelina, Zayan, Mom, my parents’ friends…but not Dad, of course. But that summer I thought Rohan saw more of me, too.” She chuckled. “Plus, he was so hot back then. He was way out of my league.”
“He’s still hot, and not out of your league. When did you kiss?”
“My parents weren’t home, and Shelina and Zayan were in her bedroom, of course, and I thanked Rohan for actually, you know, not treating me like I was a worthless kid. I don’t know—there was something in his look after I said that…so I jumped him.”
“And he let you.”
“I think he froze a second—but then he most definitely kissed me back. Hard…” Kamila blushed, the memory of that night warming her core. It was so vivid…that moment. The way he kissed her. It was nowhere near her first kiss, but it had felt so electric. It had felt like it meant something. “We kissed for a long time.”
“Second base?”
She shuddered. “No. Thank god, no. Mom and Dad walked in on us.”
“Shit.”
Kamila nodded. “We separated quickly, and Rohan went home. My parents didn’t say anything that night. But the next day we were in the car—Mom, Dad, and I—and Mom started yelling at me. That wasn’t new—she was always laying into me about something, but she was extra vicious that day. She said I couldn’truinRohan—he was good. Smart. Going to be a big success. I was a slut. A seductress tempting him.” Her voice lowered to a whisper. “Rohan was a lawyer…The last thing he needed was a run-in with a girl like me. I told them it didn’t mean anything, that we were fooling around, but she kept calling me names.”
“And your dad?”
“Dad stood up for me. Healwaysstood up for me. He told Mom that maybe if she’d treated me better, I wouldn’t rebel like this. He told hershe’druined me. They had a huge argument.”
“You were in the car for this?”
“Yes. Mom was driving. Yelling at me and Dad. Then we got into a car accident.”
Asha sat up straight. “Holy shit—was that when…”
Asha knew that Mom’s heart attack had been a week after they had been in a serious car accident. Mom’s side of the car was hit head-on. The car was completely wrecked, and airbags and seat belts had saved their lives. Mom walked away without a scratch but died of an unrelated heart attack a week later. Dad told the story many times as a cautionary “you never know what life will bring you” tale. Kamila herself rarely spoke about it though.
“Yup. Mom wasn’t watching the road. Dad broke his wrist. I cut my arm.” She showed Asha the scar. “Which pissed Mom off even more. She said, ‘I can’t handle the drama all the time, Kamila,’ when she saw the blood. Mom basically stopped speaking to me after that. Until…”
“Her heart attack.”
“The next time I saw Rohan after that kiss was at Mom’s funeral,” Kamila said. “We’ve never talked about what happened. He doesn’t know the accident was because of a fight about him. And he met Lisa when he started working at the law firm.”
“After your mom died, that’s when your dad got sick, right?”
“No. He’d obviously had depression before that, but it got a lot worse. Mom had been helping to hide it from everyone. He finally got a diagnosis and meds then.”
They were quiet for a while, then Asha put her hands over Kamila’s. “You aren’t to blame for your mother’s death. Or your dad’s mental health.”
Kamila nodded. “I know.” She did—and she had therapy to thank for that. She knew her mother didn’t take care of herself. She knew there was a history of heart disease in Mom’s family. She knew Dad’s depression was an illness and not caused by his difficult child. And Kamila knew she herself had more value than her mother had believed.
But she’d spent enough time blaming herself that the scars were still there. Just like the scar on her arm.
Asha squeezed Kamila’s hands. “I didn’t know you then, but Kamila, what your mother said, that you would have ruined Rohan’s life, that’s also not true. Hedidsee you back then, like he does now.”
“We had one innocent make-out session on the couch. Neither of us wanted more.”
“But what about now?”
