I couldn’t see Matteo from here, but I did see Gia’s impatient face in the passenger-side window. “Thanks for these,” I said, indicating the flowers. “And for, you know, coming to see me.”
Eyes serious, he reached out and put his hand on my cheek. The calluses there, they gave me shivers like they always did. His hand was warm in the late-summer sun.
He leaned forward and kissed me gently. So soft. So right. I wanted more.
But of course I had to leave. I squeezed his hand. “I’ll be back on Sunday,” I said.
“Goodbye, Tahira. Go be amazing.”
I was almost okay when I reached Matteo’s car. Rowan wasn’t angry with me. He was supportive. Maybe everything would be fine between us. I said nothing to Matteo as I got in the car, hoping he’d do the same.
Annoyingly, he didn’t. “So, youareseeing that guy from your Insta?”
“Yes.”
“How long has that been going on?” There was plenty of challenge in his voice. Asshole. He was the one who cheated, not me.
I don’t know how I expected to feel the first time seeing my ex after our breakup, but I didn’t expect what I was feeling now. Nothing. No hatred, no anger, no disappointment. A touch of annoyance, but that was it. He didn’t even look that hot to me. I mean, yeah, he was good looking in a generic kind of way. Mediocre—compared to Rowan, at least.
Hallelujah. If nothing else, how great was it that I was already completely over this douche?
He snorted. “Giving you flowers. What is this, the nineteen fifties?”
I held Rowan’s bouquet close.
“Heworkswith flowers,” Gia said. “In fact, he and his sister do the sweetest thing—they pick flowers based on their meanings. What do those flowers mean, T?”
It didn’t matter, but Rowan had picked these particular flowers for sentimental reasons, not for the meaning behind them.
But then suddenly, I wondered, and I quickly pulled out my phone and searched up the meanings of the three flowers.
“They probably have the most romantic meanings,” Gia said. She was laying it on a little thick for me, probably because she could see how annoyed Matteo was. “He’s telling her how much he cares, and how he can’t wait for her to be back so they can be together again.”
Matteo scoffed.
I looked at the flowers. And no, that’s not what these meant. There were literally a ton of flowers that stood for love. Red roses. Or tulips, for that matter.
But these ones? Rowan had chosen these flowers because they promised friendship. Respect.
This wasn’t a bouquet of love or passion. And in retrospect? That kiss hadn’t been, either.
It was over. Rowan was telling me it was over.
I leaned back in my seat and closed my eyes.
24
AWKWARD DRIVES ARE AWKWARD
Ididn’t say much on the drive to Toronto. Matteo and Gia caught each other up on family gossip, but I played mindless games on my phone or watched the farms pass by out the window. I wasn’t regretting this trip—I still totally understood how important it was for me—but that didn’t mean I wasn’t allowed to be miserable about all I’d lost. I was certain I’d never feel as comfortable and content as I did staring at the stars with Rowan.
I sat up straight, scolding myself for that train of thought. Everything would be fine once I was back in Toronto. The tall buildings. Busy sidewalks. Street art. It was enough for me before, and it would be enough for me again.
We reached the city, and Matteo drove Gia straight to her salon for her hair appointment.
“Thanks,” she told Matteo, jumping out of the car. “I’ll take an Uber to my parents’ when I’m finished here.”
Matteo leaned back to look at me sitting in the back seat. “You want to come up here, or you gonna make me drive you around like I’m a chauffeur or something?”
