“I wish it was any other time,” I said.
He turned back quickly to face me. “So, you’d just leave the Bloom? Let down the team, and our chance of winning? I thought the Bloom was important for your career.”
“Winning the Bloomwouldbe great for my FIT application. Meeting Christopher Chan, going to New York, it would all be ahugeboost. Even mentioning the Bloom in my application would help, I think. But this opportunity? This is aboutvisibility. This is more about my whole career than just getting into FIT.”
“Sounds like there’s no decision here. You’ve already made up your mind.” His jaw was tight.
“Ihaven’tmade up my mind. Not yet. I’m going to talk to my parents and Nilusha about it first. I might be able to do both. Maybe if I can convince Matteo to come up right after the Bloom closes, then—”
“Don’t even bother.”
I met his eyes. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
He crossed his arms over his chest. “It means I should haveknownthat all this was temporary. It means Iknewyou were only slumming it with us country folk, waiting for a better deal to come along. Honestly?You told me about five minutes after we met that you didn’t want to be here. I don’t know why I thought anything had changed.”
I blinked. That hurt. He was right, though. I had said that. But he knew I didn’t feel that way anymore, right? I’d told him how much he, and Juniper, too, meant to me. All of Bakewell meant something to me. Whatever choice I made was going to hurt a friend, and he had to know how hard that was for me.
I shook my head. “Rowan, don’t be like this. Youknowme. You’re driven, I’m driven. You’re trying to make something of yourself to prove you can be the best at what you want to do, and I am trying to do the same. That’s why I’m considering this. Not because I don’t want to be here. Not because I don’t care enough about you.” I sighed as I ran my finger over the flower design on my chai mug. “I admit, I do feel like this summer has changed me. It’s going to be so fucking hard to leave Bakewell in two weeks. It’s killing me that I might have to hurt you all right now. But that doesn’t mean I care any less about my goals or my Plan than I did when I got here. I am still going to make my dreams come true.”
He frowned, blinking.
And really, that was it. As much as my world had turned upside down and as much as I felt so different here, he was right about one thing: thiswastemporary. Just a summer job. No matter what, I was eventually going home. Old Tahira—Toronto Tahira—wouldn’t have had to think twice about this; she would have just gone to the photo shoot. Was that who I was going to be when I was back in Toronto in a few weeks?
But one part of me that had not changed, thatwouldnever change, was that I still wanted my dream. I wanted it so bad I could almost taste it. There was nothing else I could imagine doing with my life but designing fashion.
And achieving success meant making hard choices sometimes, right?
Rowan didn’t say anything, but he looked disappointed again. I hated that look on him.
I stared at my now-cold chai. “I don’t know if I’ll go,” I said. “But if I do, you still have my design. The frame is done. Leanne can take our place on the team, mine and Gia’s. Leanne’ll probably be stoked to be back with you and June. You can still enter...stillwinwithout me.”
“Leanne can’t take your spot. She’s going to a rabbit show on the weekend, remember?”
My heart sank. Damn. I’d forgotten. If I left, Rowan and June wouldn’t have enough team members. They’d have to drop out.
“Then...”Ugh.I didn’t know what to say. I thought for a few seconds. “I need to talk to my parents and Nilusha. I’ll figure something out. Maybe I can—”
“Don’t, Tahira.” He ran his hand over his face. After closing his eyes briefly, he shook his head. “Just don’t. I don’t want to be the reason you don’t do this. If this thing is that important for your career, then you should go.” His gorgeous eyes were so sad and resigned.
“But the Bloom is important foryourcareer!”
We stared at each other for several long seconds. Finally, I spoke quietly. “I know this is a decision I have to make by myself. When I couldn’t face all the stars in the sky, you held my hand, and I...I’m so grateful to you for that. But now I need to face them alone, with my eyes open.” I looked down. “Matteo is calling me this afternoon. I’ll call you and let you know what I decide.”
Rowan nodded. “I’m working late tonight. To make up the time I took off for the Bloom.”
“I’ll call you anyway.”
He nodded. “Okay. Have a good day, Tahira.” He got up and walked into his house. No hug, no kiss, not even a goodbye.
But that was good. Because I didn’t want him thinking of this as a goodbye. I wasn’t ready for that yet.
After Rowan was gone, I had a few minutes before we had to leave for the store, so I called Mom. I told her the whole situation.
“That’s excellent news, Tahira!Dasha Payne!All that hard work is really paying off. I’m so proud of you.”
“So you think I should come home for this? I’d be disappointing my friends.”
“If they were really your friends, they’d understand how great this is.”
