“About the competition we’re forced into with one another… the consequences of it.” He gazes back out at the water. “I thought Caius served the Goddess above all else, and maybe he believes he does, buthe wasted no time in trying to serve himself by coming here. And he has no interest in sharing success. He’ll turn his Thorn Guard on us at some point. If we find the reliquary, he’ll present it ashisprize. And if we don’t… well, maybe he lets us live and lays the blame at our feet.” When I don’t respond, he continues. “No ‘I told you so’?”
Oh, if only I felt like teasing. My chest tightens. Tempestra-Innara. Osiron. Caius. Nolan… I feel like a needle spinning around a compass, unable to orient.
“Not to draw unfair comparisons, but… weren’t you still planning something similar?” His silence returns, a sudden, brooding stillness. “We’d set terms in our deal,” I hurry to add. “Find the reliquary, then…”
“Yes… then we renegotiate.” The way he says it, I almost wish hewereCaius, all ambitious transparency. A minute passes. “Wereyou?” The question creeps out. “Planning to turn on me once we got the reliquary, I mean? Or…” he continues, with even more caution, “is that particular part of our agreement no longer beneficial to either of us?”
My stomach manages to find a new way to twist, wringing out what little resolve had pooled there. I turn away, as if considering it, afraid Nolan will spot the newly discovered truths in the purse of my mouth, the tightness of my eyes. “I’d… like to think we’ve both learned it’s better to have someone watching your back than not.”
“You’re not just saying that to keep me off guard?”
“Of course I am.” Keeping my voice light feels like trying to lift a dead cow. “In truth, I’m conspiringwithCaius against you. We’ve fallen for each other, you see, and plan to live in Belspire’s castle together, with a pet drooling princess and ancient Arbiter to keep us company.”
Nolan’s features soften. “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather be dumped overboard at sea?”
Humor. My innards twinge again.
“A toss-up, really,” I say. “Okay, no renegotiation. Getting the reliquary back to Lumeris… that was always the job, and we were given it together.” A lump grows in my throat. “Tempestra-Innara can sort out who deserves what after that.”
Relief. He doesn’t even hide it.
“How do we handle Caius?” I say, before he can say anything that might further stir up what’s roiling in me.
“He’s handled… for now. But we need to find the reliquary and get off the island before he returns… if we even can at this point.”
His doubt hits me off guard. The way he’d pushed Caius, bought us time… I might know tonight’s meeting is futile, but from his bleak tone, it’s almost as if he does too.
“If there’s no hope, what are we even doing here?”
Nolan’s mouth turns up in a frail, amused smile. “Giving up isn’t an option, Lys. Failure might be, but not giving up.”
I don’t like the new note in his voice, one that sounds less like defeat and more like honesty. It echoes, sinking into the depths of me, mingles there with the guilt growing like mold. I’ve never been truthful with Nolan. But after everything, somehow, there’s a part of me that wants to be. We both started this endeavor so determined, so sure of our direction.
And now?
Now I have the chance to upend the world, just not in the way I thought. And Nolan seems more and more like a sword left in the dirt, growing dulled and pitted. He hasn’t had a chance at success since we first stepped onto this island.
“It’s not failure.” A half truth. A tainted one. “Sometimes… sometimes you can do everything as right as you possibly can and it still doesn’t turn out the way you want.”
Finding the reliquary. Becoming Executrix… or avatar. I don’t need to specify what I mean. All must seem nearly impossible to him now. Nolan might not be giving up, but there’s a part of him that’s giving in.
“Okay, new plan: If we make it back, we blame Caius foreverything. It’s what he deserves for butting in where he wasn’t wanted.”
A laugh. Quick, but true. “I guess there’s that. And…” He takes a deep breath. “And the Goddess’s favor isn’t necessary to serve them, no matter where one might end up.”
It certainly helps, though. “Look on the bright side: If anyone is going to get shipped off to waste away in some forgotten corner of the Lands, it will be me.” I lean back. “Hey, maybe I’ll even get tossed back to Cyprene.”
“Maybe both of us will be sent here.”
“Would that be so bad?” I mean for it to lighten the mood, but as soon as it leaves my lips, I want to take it back. Not because of any lie.
Because there’s a taste of truth.
And maybe Nolan senses that too. He turns fully toward me, almost luminescent in the low, dusty light of evening.
“I mean, I know it would be bad,” I say quickly. “The Goddess’s light—”
“Still reaches here, as faint as it is.” A flash of longing crosses his face, there and gone, replaced by something else. Understanding. Acceptance. “Low service is still service. A service that is a punishment is still service.”
