“I don’t mean any disrespect when I say this, but why doyouhave to be ready? You’re hardly home with the kids anyway.I’m the one at home with them all day. So having this baby would be on me, not you.”
“And onmypockets,” he answered without looking me in the eyes.
While I had been successful in not crying like a baby before, what he just said made the tears fall along with sobs. I saw the sympathy in his face when he heard me crying. Though we already had two children, they were older. I felt like at the age of twenty–seven if I didn’t have another child then, I probably never would. I had never experienced having a baby and being happy about it. Essence and Elijah were mistakes,beautifulmistakes, but mistakes, nonetheless. There was no celebration, no congratulations, and no baby showers. There was only scolding from our parents for having babies so early.
I felt like this baby was my last chance to have a happy pregnancy. This was our chance to experience a happy birth of one of our children and raise it right. We had finally gotten to a place where we could afford to live and get our kids whatever we wanted. I wanted to be able to give our child what it took our first two, too long to experience.
When I found out that I was pregnant with this baby, I actually smiled. That had never happened to me before. Every time that I got pregnant before, it was a depressing realization because, at the time, I was too young to have a baby.
But now the timing was perfect. We were engaged to be married, and Rah and I were financially comfortable.
“Baby, just give us a little more time,” Rah said as his thumb stroked the back of my hand.
I tried to look away, but he softly tugged at my hand to get my attention. “Listen to me… I’m not saying no forever. You know I want us to have a big family. But not right now. It’s not about me not wanting it. It’s about making sure when we do it, wedo it right.” He squeezed my hand a little tighter, like he needed me to feel his words. “I’ve got money moving in places you can’t even imagine, and all of it is about building us up. I’m putting everything I can into Moses’ career, into setting up our life so that when we do decide to have another baby, we’ll have no worries. I hated watching you struggle through our first two pregnancies. I don’t want that for you anymore. I want to be able to give you and our kids everything you deserve from day one. I care too much about you to bring a baby into a situation where I’m still grinding this hard, out late, and hustling to get us where we need to be.” He looked at me briefly and smiled in the way that always made me blush. “Of course, I want to have as many kids as I can with the love of my life. You know that. But I want to do it when you don’t have to lift a finger because I got it all. And we’re almost there. I just need you to trust me a little longer. I promise, I’ll make it up to you a thousand times over. I love you to death, Solae. You’re my forever. Just… let me make sure we’re set before we take that next step.”
When he lifted my hand to his mouth and kissed it, I let it go.
I appreciated the love that I felt right then. Between how much I worked, the kids, and how much time Rah spent at the bar and the studio, we didn’t spend much alone time together. And though we were on our way to a somber moment, having him there to hold my hand was reassuring.
RAH
Between wiping Solae’s crocodile tears all night, sneaking back to the hospital to stay the night with Aaliyah and the baby, and taking Solae to the clinic this morning, I never made it to divvy up the money from the bank robbery with Nell, Lavell, and Caine. But we were heavy on text securing a spot to stash the cash from the robbery. Now I was on my way to meet up with them after dropping Solae off at the crib.
I felt a hell of a lot better now that she wasn’t pregnant anymore. One more kid just wasn’t in the cards for a playa. Hell, it wasn’t in the cards for me nine months ago when Aaliyah got knocked up, but, after having two miscarriages, I couldn’t talk her into going to the clinic.
Solae needed to focus on the two kids that she had anyway. Essence was in her teens, and she was maturing into her mother’s physique. I’d caught her and guys on the block giving each other googly eyes and shit. Elijah was clumsy as hell. Every other week he was bleeding from somewhere or breaking something. He stayed in the emergency room.
Solae didn’t need any more kids right now; she needed to keep an eye on the ones she already had.
“Damn,Pops, you need to wrap that thang up before one of your women finds out about the other and leaves you,” Caine told me with a laugh as I showed him pictures of Junior.
Me, Caine, and Nell were at Caine’s spot out in Lansing. It was actually his mom’s crib. Lavell couldn’t come through because he had to take care of some things with his baby’s mother.
I met Caine and Lavell a few months ago through some homeboys. Eventually, they asked me to give them some work at the bar so they could make some bread. Though we were the same age, they both looked up to me like little brothers. They were those kinds of niggas that never really did anything for themselves. I used them as security at The Black Room just so they could have a couple dollars in their pockets. Nell was in the same predicament, except he was my cousin. That’s why when I told them about hitting that lick at the bank, they were all for it, for little or nothing. I promised them a cut in exchange for doing the dirt for me.
They were only able to get roughly one hundred thousand out of that bank, though. So, after giving them their cut, I was left with about fifty thousand dollars. That was only enough to pay off some bills and have a little left over to finance some studio time and videos for Moses. At this point, the robbery seemed worthless. Sure enough, I could eat off fifty thousand dollars for a minute. The holidays would go over a hell of a lot smoother now. The point wasn’t to eat though. It was to floss. Not much flossing was possible with a measly fifty thousand dollars. I was forced to put it to the side until I came up with another scheme to get more cash.
“My bitches aren’t going anywhere,” I said slyly as I slid my phone back in my pocket. “I ain’t gotta wrap shit up. They do need to get on some birth control, though.”
Caine simply shook his head at me.
“What I need to know is how in the hell y’all left out of there with only one-hundred thousand.”
Caine shook his head again, as if he was disappointed in that too. Nell walked out with a chuckle, since he didn’t have anything to do with that. He was outside waiting in the driver’s seat of the getaway car when it all went down.
“Them bitches was movin’ slow as fuck,” Caine told me. “We didn’t have time to get to where the real money was. We had to get out of there fast, man! And, luckily, we did, because one of the customers who had just left heard the commotion and doubled back. We had a shootout with him while we tried to get to the car.”
With frustration, I shook my head just as Nell walked back in with my cut of the cash secured in bundles wrapped in rubber bands.
“Put it in a bag or something, fam! You want me to walk around with this shit?!” I shook my head, in disbelief of his stupidity. “Dumbass!”
They were stupid. All of them. They were peons. They didn’t know how to do anything for themselves. That’s why they depended on me. And that’s how they ended up with a murder on their hands all for a measly couple grand a piece.
“Now, how y’all end up killing that old man?”
“Man, we were on our way outta there and he just started shooting! I had to pop back,” Caine said defensively.
Handing me a fake Gucci duffle with the cash in it, Nell nodded in agreement. “He’s right, fam. I was watching throughthe doorway. They were on their way out of there, and the old man pulled his piece. I couldn’t believe that shit. Buddy was on some super cop shit.”
