“You’re useless if you keep drinking,” Laith snarls at me, his face swimming in my vision as he sits on the couch next to my chair.
I feel myself sway as I turn in the chair and try to look at him head-on to say, “Shhhhut the f–fuck up.”
“You’re fucked-up, Chino.” He may be smiling or he has indigestion, I can’t tell by the way his face goes in and out of focus. “But I can admit one thing, no matter if you run off and tell your master and it gets me killed, I can’t wait for her to really fuck you guys up for what you’ve done.”
So he was smiling then, the bitch.
“He’ll kill you”—I belch, the sound echoing around the open space—“if he hears you say that.”
Speaking to Laith about my deceit only makes me feel worse because Genni is still here inside these corrugated metal walls. This is where I taught her how to shoot, where I kissed her for the first time, and the moment I realized I had fallen for her. She owned my heart after that day, but this club owns my soul.
How do you choose between your heart and your soul?
One keeps you alive but the other is your very essence which lives on beyond death.
I chose my soul in spite of the way my heart raced at the sight of her dark hair and midnight eyes because loyalty is everything to me. I trusted Jaeger and now I must live with that.
“You’re feeling it too, aren’t you?” I hiccup. “You feel like you betrayed her too.”
“I do in a way,” he agrees as he leans forward. “But I didn’t make any promises to Genni because I didn’t know what the fuck was happening. If I did, things would be different. I would’ve protected her from all of you and Hell’s March at all costs.”
“Shhhe’s fucking your brother,” I sneer, the words cutting a hole through my heart.
I can see the wince as his face contorts with his emotions. Malik Charles stood behind Genni as she set our world aflame, as if she was leading him. Diego Montez was the same, standing behind her and waiting for her to decide our fate.
Jealousy immersed me like a tidal wave at the sight, filling my lungs with its intention to pull me under the tide of despair.
“He’s charming, like a viper, luring you in until it’s too late to escape his venom.” He falls back into the chair, his hair disheveled and his beard untamed. He runs his fingers through the coarse hair as he mumbles, “You can’t discount that face either, it’s fucking gorgeous.” A choking laugh flies from my mouth and instantly I’m hit with more guilt, cutting off my laughter at once. What happened to her there? How was she treated? How often did she laugh? “You’ll have to face it,” Laith says as he leans forward once more, his elbows meeting his knees. “She’s not the woman we once knew. Hell’s March isn’t like the Steel Dragons. They’re lawless, sadistic heathens. I would know firsthand how they operate, and when I tell you I’m surprised she survived, I mean it.”
“But what did she have to sacrifice to survive?” My question comes out in a pain-filled whisper, the inflection saturated with agony.
“Her lighting up our clubhouse like it was the Fourth of July was just the beginning, brother.” His hand lands on my shoulder, the fingers giving it a firm squeeze. “I think one day soon, we will know exactly everything she’s been through.”
“You think she’ll come back to us?” Even I can hear the hopeful lilt in my voice and I cringe at the sound, my hand slapping against my face in exasperation.
“Back to us?” He chuckles at my question, making me feel worse as his hand drops away from my shoulder. “We lost the first battle, but this war is just beginning. What I meant was, some of us project our pain from our eyes, willing anyone to see it and empathize, but then there are some of us who wear it like armor, enduring the pain to grow stronger, then projecting it with a tough exterior.”
“Genni is the second one,” I murmur as I tip up the bottle, letting the burning liquid scorch my throat. “I could see how much stronger she looked.”
“Yeah.” Laith’s head hangs between his shoulders, his fingers interlocking together between his knees. “That’s how we’ll learn what she’s endured because she’ll project it in the armor she wears.”
The brothers have made this place as much of a home as they could. There’s a pool table in the center and a makeshift bar in the corner. Chip is standing behind the table and washing some glasses in the large basin. The music plays, but it’s not at its typical volume, everything feels more subdued, save for the headache ripping through my skull.
I eye my cot nestled into the far corner and long for a dreamless sleep, to finally rest my fucking body. Only I know I won’t find it tonight, and probably never will. Not that I deserve to rest.
The bottle of whiskey finally slips from my fingers and hits the floor with a loudthud,making Laith raise his head to look at me. I shake my own in response, trying to relay what I’m feeling without words because they’re trapped somewhere between my heart and my mouth.
“Where’s Jaeger?” he asks, his eyes roving over the brothers, searching for our new leader.
“Lost.”
With a single word, I’ve not only described my best friend but also myself. I’ve been lost since the night I backed down from Malik Charles as he carried my heart over his shoulder.
I watch as Quinton shoves up from his seat, his legs wobbling with each step as he staggers toward the beds we have set up in this filthy warehouse. He falls on top of the thin cot, his feet covering his cut and hanging slightly over the end.
I don’t know the last time he bathed or brushed his hair or drank a fucking glass of water, but it’s all starting to worry me. It feels like our club is tearing apart at the seams, the thread no longer strong enough to hold the deceit and betrayal inside its stitching. I had my suspicions about the story he and Jaeger told the club about that night, but I was clinging to the hope that I was wrong.
I loved Vic as if he were my own father and in many ways, I viewed him as such, he replaced the one I could barely remember. My father worked a lot when I was a child and he traveled even more. He was the sole provider while my mother stayed home to raise me and my brother.
