"Oh, Holly," said Paige in a soft mother-y voice.
"Don't," I said sharply as I looked up. "And please don't look at me like that. Like I'm some tragic case you feel sorry for."
"I don't feel sorry for you," Paige said, surprising me with her directness. "I admire you. You're one of the strongest people I know."
I snorted. "Right. The crying girl in socks at the park. Super strong."
"Yes," she said firmly. "Because you're feeling it. You're not running from it or pretending it doesn't hurt. That takes courage. It's ok to process your feelings alone, you just have to let the people that love you know that's what you're doing."
I hadn't thought of it that way before. Mom was always telling me to "toughen up" or "stop being so sensitive." I always thought that feelings were equal to weakness in her book, but I was starting to understand her a little better. She only made it seem that way because she didn't know how to deal with her own feelings let alone anyone else's. Including mine.
"What's going to happen to me?" I asked, my voice smaller than I intended.
Ben leaned forward on his swing. "I don't know exactly, but I do know this: You're not alone in figuring it out. You've got your aunt and uncle. You've got your grandparents. And you've got a whole crew of us who think you're pretty special."
"But what if—" I started, then stopped, afraid to voice my deepest fear.
"What if what?" Paige prompted gently.
"What if no one wants me?" I whispered. "Permanently, I mean."
Paige made a sound of protest, but Ben spoke first. "Holly, from what I can see, Elyse and Drew are crazy about you. The way they talk about you... they're not hoping this is temporary."
"How do you know?" I challenged.
"Because I see how they've changed their whole lives tomake space for you," he said simply. "Not because they had to. Because they wanted to."
I thought about the lavender paper lining the dresser drawers. The way Aunt Elyse had taken me shopping for clothes without making me feel like a charity case. How Uncle Drew had cleared a shelf in the garage for my art supplies without me even asking.
Little things. Permanent things.
The word itself felt almost sinful. Like wanting permanence and stability was asking for too much.
"Elyse was running after you the same minute you left the house," Paige added. "She was frantic. Those aren't the actions of someone who doesn't care."
I blinked back fresh tears. "But I'm not... I'm just their niece."
"Family isn't just about biology, Holly," Ben said quietly as he bent forward on his swing to make sure I was listening. Hearing. "It's not about obligation. The most important people are the ones who show up. Who stay. Who make room for you in their lives, not just when it's easy, but especially when it's hard."
Something in his words resonated deep inside me. I thought about how Aunt Elyse had handled the shoplifting incident—with firmness but without the drama or rejection I'd expected. How Uncle Drew taught me to use his fancy camera, patient with my fumbling questions. How they both checked in with me about school and friends and feelings without making it seem like an interrogation or a therapy session.
They showed up. They stayed. They made room.
"Can we take you home?" Paige asked after a moment. "If you're ready?"
Home. The word felt different now. Not just a place I was staying temporarily. Maybe something more.
I nodded, standing up from the swing. "Yeah. I'm ready."
As we walked back toward Aunt Elyse and Uncle Drew 'shouse—toward home—I felt something shift inside me. My mother's decision still hurt (would probably always hurt) but maybe it wasn't the end of everything. Maybe it was just the end of one chapter and the beginning of another.
A chapter where I got to decide who my family was.
19
ELYSE
"Are you sure about this?" I asked, watching Drew load his golf clubs into the trunk. "I know how much you've been looking forward to this tournament."
