I'd do better tomorrow. I would. I'd learned my lesson the first time.
11
ELYSE
"What's up, Sugar?" I heard in a familiar smoky voice.
I looked up from the box of romance novels I was stocking from that day's shipment from one of my favorite publishers and saw Grace and Sarah standing just inside the door. I was so lost in thought that I had never even heard the bell.
I got to my feet, wiped my hands on the front of my jeans, and stomped out the stiffness in my calves.
"Hey guys, are you here to pick up an order?" I asked.
"That's always a possibility with the two of us, but we were picking up an order from Jenna and thought we'd take a stroll over here to check on you. How are you and Holly doing? Is Drew out of town this week?"
"He is in Dallas this week," I said, my eyes glancing momentarily at the calendar that hung behind the register. It was Monday and that Friday's square was circled in hot pink.
"Well, let me know if you want to go to dinner or something," said Grace.
"Or you and Holly and Mom come by me," said Sarah. "I'm happy to cook for everyone."
"That actually sounds like a great time," I said. "Things are going as good as can be expected with Holly." I paused. I wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do to share what had happened in Dunedin the day before, but I knew that I could share anything with those two.
"Ben came in to let me know that Holly was suspected of shoplifting. They had video proof but had decided not to press charges, and Ben was nice enough to let her off with a warning. But I'm really concerned about her. It's not fair to say I know or I understand what she's going through. I mean, I do from the sense that this involves my sister, but at the same time I also feel quite a bit of anger, which takes away some of that sting. But she doesn't have that. All she has are memories of the good times and hope that she's going to come back. But even if she does, what does Holly's life look like then?"
"How long do you think she'll be here?" asked Grace.
"I'm not really sure, but neither of us are in a hurry for her to leave, and Holly does seem to be settling in, yesterday's events aside."
"I think you're on the right track," said Grace. "And I will let you know that Sarah here wasn't exactly a walk in the park at that age."
"Oh no, I was not," said Sarah. "I saw my fair share of trouble when I was a teenager?—”
“—and she was growing up in a two-parent household. So give yourself some grace. You both are getting to know one another in this new role, and there are going to be some growing pains involved as your relationship evolves. Just know that at the root of it all is love."
"I definitely love the heck out of that kid," I said.
I leaned against the counter, and Grace and Sarah went andsat in a set of reading chairs set between the front desk and the five rows of tall, dark walnut bookshelves.
"I know there will be growing pains, and at the end of the day I remind myself that I'm just doing the best that I can, but I wish I knew how else I could support her."
"Have you thought about putting her in therapy?" asked Grace. "I know it really helped Sarah when she was that age."
"It did," said Sarah. "I was really struggling to figure out who I was, and therapy helped me realize that I was building the kite as I ran toward who I was meant to be. In fact, it helped me so much it led me to becoming a social worker. Having something to work toward that would matter long term gave me a sense of purpose and helped ground me at a time when things felt anything but solid."
My eyes darted to Grace whose face was quickly recovering from the flash of pain I saw there. I'm guessing it hurt for her to not be able to help Sarah during that time, when she needed help the most. I imagined it was something like how I felt with my sister, but infinitely worse.
An understanding bloomed in my chest. "I will definitely put that into motion. I don't know why I didn't think of it. I guess because I'm still considering myself her aunt, and I need to think of myself in more of a parental role if she's going to be with us longer term."
"Is there any sign of your sister? Has anyone heard from her?" asked Sarah.
"When I spoke to my parents over the weekend, they divulged that they had not heard from her since the last time we had spoken, and at that point it had been three weeks. It's not looking promising, but all I can do is stay positive, especially for Holly's sake. It doesn't do any of us any good for me to be overcome by emotion when I need to be strong for Holly right now. She's my sister, yes, but she's Holly's mother, and I want to be sensitive to how she must be feeling."
Sarah hauled her giant tote onto the counter and leaned against it. "Just remember, it's okay to have boundaries with someone who is grieving or hurting or going through trauma in one way or another. People who have experienced trauma need boundaries more than ever, and perhaps more than anyone else. Having a set of boundaries gives them a feeling of security that they know what they can expect and when they can expect it. People surviving trauma need boundaries in order to keep their own emotions in check. It's the one thing that they can control."
"That makes sense," said Grace. "And I can understand that. When I lost my husband, I felt like nothing was in my control. Not even my emotions."
Then the most surprising thing came bursting from Grace's mouth. "That's when I got this tattoo." She then proceeded to pull apart the side of her Lily Pulitzer teal and lime green golf skirt and the edge of her matching polo to show me. An open heart line tattoo with an infinity symbol as the left side. It was very beautiful and tastefully done and oh so Grace.
