What if she hadn’t made it? What if she’d died before he got here to say goodbye? To think he’d stood on the phone with Julie and said he hoped that would be the case.
“Baby?” His mother rasped.
“I’m here, Mom.” She tried to shift, but he placed a hand on her thigh to steady her. “Rest for now. The doctor will be heresoon.” It said everything about how weak she was that she didn’t even try to fight him.
The prognosis wasn’t great. The emergency surgery they’d performed when she was first admitted had been a temporary fix—a band-aid just to stabilize her. Doctors recommended at least two more procedures if she had any real hope of walking out of the hospital and not being wheeled out on a gurney.
She’d slept through the doctor’s visit and two rounds of vitals checks, her body too exhausted to stay awake. She stirred briefly at lunch, managed a few spoonfuls of soup, then slipped back into a restless, murmuring sleep.
Watching her like this was becoming unbearable. Matthieu was nearing the edge of what he could handle. It wasn’t like he could do much for her right now. He couldn’t sit there feeling helpless anymore.
Then there was Kieran, who’d been waiting for—Jesus—almost five hours. Matthieu doubted he was still there, but on the off chance he was, it felt rude to keep him any longer. He leaned forward and brushed a hand along his mother’s forearm, skin cool and slack beneath his fingertips.
“I’ll be back tomorrow evening,” he whispered—more because that’s what you were supposed to say than because he thought she’d notice his absence or care when she woke up alone again. “Just…”
What had he even meant to say? Just don’t die? Just get better? Just do us all a favor and put us out of our misery?
She didn’t move.
Matthieu slipped quietly out of the room. The same nurse from earlier gave him a small smile and a wave from where she leaned against the station. At least she seemed to have forgiven his earlier rudeness.
“I won’t be back until tomorrow night,” he murmured as he passed. “Will someone call me if there’s any change?”
“Of course,” she said softly, pointing him toward the elevators.
TWENTY
MATTHIEU
Matthieu was surprised, and maybe a little giddy, to find Kieran in almost the same spot he’d left him hours ago. Curled up in a stiff plastic chair, knees drawn to his chest, completely absorbed in a paperback he’d seemingly conjured out of thin air. Knowing Kieran, he’d probably charmed it out of an unsuspecting patient or sweet-talked a nurse into digging something up to entertain him. Matthieu had never seen Kieran so still.
He hovered for a moment, feeling awkward. He hadn’t expected this, hadn’t allowed himself to hope for it. But there Kieran was, blonde hair scruffy and rumpled, brow furrowed, lost between pages.
Matthieu wondered if Kieran read often, or if this was a new hobby born from boredom and desperation. Did he curl up with a novel at the end of the day? Read on all those long flights? Or did he prefer video games with his teammates? Maybe he napped. Matthieu hated not knowing the answers. He wanted to know all the ins and outs of what made Kieran… Kieran.
“I didn’t think you’d still be here,” Matthieu muttered, weaving through the haphazard sprawl of the waiting room and stopping in front of him.
Kieran looked up, folding the page corner to mark his place. “I promised I’d stay.”
You promised me a lot of things,Matthieu thought. A bitter echo he couldn’t voice, not now, not when Kieran looked at him with soft eyes and an expression that resembled genuine care. He didn’t have to be here. Matthieu swallowed the ill-placed resentment.
“Thanks,” he said instead. “For staying.”
Kieran unfolded from the chair, stretching stiff limbs as he stood. “You ready to head home?”Home.The word rolled off Kieran’s tongue like it was somewhere they shared. Matthieu hesitated long enough for Kieran to notice. “I mean, back to mine. To get your car,” he added quickly. “Hopefully you didn’t get a ticket. I should’ve had you move it into the garage, but I didn’t think…”
“Oh.” Matthieu cut him off, cheeks warming. “Actually, uh… my car’s at my place. Can you drop me off on the way?”
Kieran blinked. “At your place?”
“Yeah. I… might’ve walked to yours last night.”
“Walked?”
“It’s not that far,” Matthieu lied, too casually, like Kieran wouldn’t notice it was at least six miles when he dropped him off.
“Yeah. Okay,” Kieran said eventually. “Whatever you need.”
They started walking toward the exit together. Matthieu didn’t know what to do with the way Kieran matched his pace so naturally, moving in rhythm.
