Lucas lightly cupped Brendan’s chin in his fingers. “That’s a bunch of BS. I stopped because I thought it was the right thing to do. You’re the man I work for, and you know that kind of relationship can cause everything to go to hell really fast.”
“This is a farm, a ranch… I don’t know what to call it. And you’re here to help me out. But I have no hold over you, and you have none over me. I don’t expect that you’ll stay around here for very long. Pretty soon one of the clubs is going to need someone like you, and that will be it. You’ll go back to your life. Jameson and I will do the same.” He sighed. “I mean… I don’t think you’re disposable or anything, and I haven’t felt like this in a long time. But I have to be realistic. Looking after horses isn’t your dream.”
Lucas drew closer. “How do you know what my dream is?”
Brendan chuckled out loud. “Because no one dreams of shoveling horse shit for the rest of their lives. Jenn used to dream of going to the Olympics or being invited to one of those major east coast events, but she was never willing to do the work. She wanted to ride, but not shovel the crap that came with it.”
“I can tell you one thing, my dream does not involve horses. That is for sure. I don’t think about riding them, and whilethey’re nice, it isn’t my thing. But I like it here. I’m not saying that I’m going to turn into a farm boy, but you need to give yourself more credit. And as for my dreams… I’m not really sure what they are. I’ve spent years just trying to make do from day to day and week to week. I’ve never had a chance to think very much about what I really want.”
“Sorry,” Brendan told him in a whisper.
“Hey, don’t be sorry. Just don’t write me off that easily. It does neither of us a service.” He drew closer once more. “And I don’t like the way you put yourself down, because I think you’re sexy.”
Brendan paused like he didn’t believe him. “Jenn used to tell me that she might have been more interested if I had been more of a man.” Brendan’s admission must have been a hard one to make.
“That’s bullshit. Sounds to me like she’s trying to justify the fact that she wasn’t a good wife or mother. Was she interested in that part of your relationship? You don’t need to answer if you don’t want to. I probably shouldn’t have asked.”
“After we first got married, things were fine between us. But once she got pregnant, she wasn’t interested in sex any longer. After she gave birth, it was like she had turned off that part of herself. I thought it was the birth, but she just wasn’t interested any longer. The last few times I asked her, she simply told me no. And finally….” Brendan’s voice trailed off, and he looked down toward his feet.
“And you thought there was something wrong with you. Then she laid this load of crap on you, and you believed it. Well, I’d say Jenn is a lying—”
“Daddy,” Jameson said softly, holding Roary as he approached the sofa. Lucas hoped Jameson hadn’t heard what they were talking about. “I can’t sleep. I tried, and there are lights coming in my window.”
Lucas stood and hurried out the back door. Lights could mean a lot of things, but he didn’t see anything. Lucas did notice that one of the pole lights was flickering a little. He flipped the switch inside the house off and waited a few minutes before turning it on once more. The flickering stopped, and he returned to where Jameson sat on the sofa next to Brendan, holding his daddy’s hand.
“Can we watch mouse club?” Jameson asked, and Brendan found something on TV, then turned the volume down. Lucas sat back down, and Jameson leaned against him, watching what was on the screen.
It wasn’t long before Jameson’s eyes drifted closed. Brendan left him there for a few minutes before lifting him into his arms and taking him upstairs. Lucas changed the channel, finding a movie that was more interesting.
“Oh, you found something to watch,” Brendan said.
“Yeah. I figured you and I had had enough heavy talk for the night.” He made sure there was room for Brendan, and once he sat, put an arm around him, holding him asMission Impossiblestarted.
Lucas had seen the movie before, so he didn’t need to pay close attention. Instead, he enjoyed having Brendan in his arms. He was discovering that while sex was great, being close to someone like this was even better. Getting to know Brendan before jumping into bed was such a new experience, and one he was coming to understand was the correct one to take. After all, if he wanted different results, he needed to change the game plan.
Once themovie ended, it was late, by what Lucas was coming to understand as normal times at the farm. Brendan was asleep, his head on his shoulder. Lucas didn’t want to wake him, butBrendan needed to go up to bed. Still, this was special. He knew that people didn’t just fall asleep. It demonstrated trust. If you could fall asleep with or next to someone, it meant that you trusted them enough that you allowed yourself to be vulnerable.
“Come on,” he said gently before turning off the television. Brendan stirred, and Lucas helped him to his feet. “It’s time for you to go to bed, or Jameson will be up before you.”
“Oh, geez.” He checked the clock above the television and groaned. “I should have been in bed a while ago. Tomorrow is really going to suck. I have two deliveries that will need to be put away tomorrow, and they’re calling for rain in the afternoon.”
“Hey. We’ll figure it out.” He turned out the lights and led Brendan up the stairs, holding his hand until they stood outside Brendan’s door. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
Brendan nodded and opened his door. “Don’t go,” he said softly. Lucas stopped, letting his mind verify that he had really heard the offer. Brendan took his hand, and Lucas allowed himself to be led into the room.
“Okay. But you need to get yourself ready for bed.”
Lucas slipped out of his shoes and took off his shirt and pants, then slid under the covers. Brendan undressed before padding to the bathroom. Lucas turned out the light and lay in the dark as Brendan returned and climbed into bed.
“It’s been a while since I slept with anyone other than Jameson. He hates storms, and he comes into the bed whenever thunder sounds in the distance.”
“Hopefully that won’t happen tonight.”
“Yeah,” Brendan agreed sleepily. Lucas wasn’t sure what kind of sleeper Brendan was, but after a few minutes with the window open, the crisp fall air filling the room, Brendan shifted closer, and Lucas found himself being used as a bed warmer Not that he really minded. He gathered Brendan to him, and as soonas he got comfortable, Brendan seemed to fall asleep, with Lucas nodding off right after him.
He didn’t wake at all during the night. And it wasn’t until someone bounced on the bed that he cracked his eyes open.
“Daddy, you sleeped with Mr. Lucas. Did he get scared and want to sleep with you?” The kid was adorable and shimmied under the covers on the other side of Brendan. “I have bad dreams sometimes, and Daddy makes them go away.” He quieted and seemed to curl right up next to Brendan.
