I shook my head. “No. It’s just, you know, I didn’t know.”
He shrugged. “I’m pan. I like people, not what’s in their pants.”
I nodded slowly. “Yeah. Makes sense.”
“But you knew that about me. We’ve been best friends for twenty years. You’ve seen me date lots of different genders.”
“I know. I just… You’ve really only dated women for the past while. I wasn’t sure you were still, I don’t know, flexible.”
“Pansexual. You can say it, you know. You’re not going to turn gay just from acknowledging that different sexualities exist.”
Tell him. We’d never discussed anything about our sexualities and my brain was screaming at me to just tell him already. I knew I was scared for no rational reason.Say it. This is your chance.
“What about you?” He looked at me pointedly. “Seeing anyone lately? Or are you still living the recluse life?”
“I think I might be gay,” I blurted. The words tumbled out of me before I could stop them.
Axton grinned, smoothly shot at a ball, and then knocked his pool cue on the concrete floor. “Cool. So you are seeing someone?”
I shook my head. “No, definitely not.”
“Then what brought on this revelation?”
Evading the real answer, I sighed. “I don’t know. I guess I’ve just… noticed people lately.”
“Male people.” He said it like it was a fact, not a question.
“Yeah. Male people.”
A smirk slid on his face. “Guess that film crew isn’t as in the way as you thought they would be.”
I swallowed the lump forming in my throat. “I guess not.”
“Well, I hope you know this doesn’t change anything. You were the only one in our friend group who was straight-presenting anyway.”
A shaky sigh escaped me. “Can we keep this just between us though, for now?”
“Of course, buddy. Now, take your damned shot already.”
I smiled widely and did just that. It felt good to know that I wouldn’t be alone in my thoughts anymore. If I could just figure out what to do about Max. I’d liked the kiss—a lot—but I didn’t know what that meant for our work together. I believed I could be professional and I was sure Max would do the same. Or, at least, Ihopedwe’d be able to get through the coming weeks without making things more complicated.
Chapter Ten
Max
Hunched over my desk in the trailer, all I could think about was that kiss, even though two days had passed and we were back at work. I was trying to pretend everything was normal, but not having much success. I’d decided to spend Monday morning in the trailer, trusting Brooks to get the footage while I worked on drafting some shots and clips I wanted to get, in addition to scripting some of the interviews. As I worked, though, my mind wandered back to Jake, over and over. The way his breath caught in his throat as we kissed. The gentle way he opened to me. His soft tone when he placed his hand on mine and told me he understood.
I deeply regretted fleeing the scene of the kiss.
I’d spent the weekend doing internet research on our letter writers, to no avail. It was clear that I’d hit a wall. Without last names, I had nothing. I needed Jake’s help, which was why I’d gone to his house in the first place. I’d just panicked and screwed everything up first.
Jake lived in Port Grandlin—he’d know what resources were available, he’d understand how to find things, and he’d probably have connections to the gatekeepers that I’d never be able to get past on my own. I needed him, in more ways than one, and I was determined to get his help.
By the end of the day, nerves fluttered through me every time I looked at him. As the crew began to disperse, I took a deep breath and approached him, hoping it wouldn’t betooawkward.
I started to reach for his shoulder but thought better of it, pulling my hand away. “Hey, do you have a minute?”
Jake looked up from his phone and frowned. “What’s wrong?”
