I nodded with regret.
“You’ll be lucky if she’s open for spicy times anytime soon,” Max said with a chuckle.
“I’m sorry, ‘spicy times’?” Sully said, looking at his oldest friend, not about to let that one slide.
Max raised a middle finger in Sully’s direction as he subtly scratched his nose with it. “Emma’s always talking about spice levels of romance books. I like it.” Max took a sip of his beer.
“Bet she is.” Drew raised a brow.
Logan, sitting next to him, shoved him. Luckily it wasn’t too hard or the manicure could have suffered.
“What spicy times?” I kept my eyes locked on my beer, not wanting to meet anyone’s sympathetic gaze but figuring it was time to talk about this. I didn’t know who else to turn to.
The silence that my statement was met with, however, made me look up to see the eyes of five men drilling into me. I felt my face heat. Had I overstepped? I mean, we joked around a lot. I’d known Jake and Sully for over five years. Even with the more recent additions of the other guys, I knew I could trust them, but it wasn’t like we had deep, heartfelt, and vulnerable conversations often. But honestly, I had to figure this out, and I couldn’t lay my insecurities on Grace. She was under enough pressure.
Jake cleared his throat, then gave me a look of encouragement. “Aidan, I’m going to speak for these Neanderthals that we’re both lucky enough to call friends. How can we help?”
I focused on patting Mia’s little bum as I placed a kiss to her head and tried to get my thoughts organized. “It’s just… I mean, it’s been… But then I feel so selfish… And she’s so amazing I’m in awe…”
“Hold on.” Sully interrupted whatever I was trying to say.
I looked up and realized he hadn’t just been providing me relief—Daryl and Laurie were headed over with our food.
The next few minutes were a flurry of activity as plates were passed around and Jake got Addie set up with chicken tenders along with mac and cheese. Drew blew on his nails to dry them, and Daryl brought over a few beers. Sully got El started with some cut-up grapes and hot dogs, and Jake passed some coloring sheets to Addie. Just as I thought my verbal diarrhea might have been forgotten, Sully got the conversation back on track.
“Aidan, I’m just going to put this out there because it might be easier for you if we dive in. I’m guessing it has been a while since”—he glanced to Addie, then back to me—“any spicy times have happened at Casa de la Russo? Is that a fair statement?”
“Nothing fair, or fun, about that, man,” Drew said quietly.
Logan tapped his glass to Drew’s.
“Are we saying ‘a while’ as in”—Max looked at Mia with a tilt of his head—“about twelve weeks?”
“Bit longer,” I muttered. “Maybe four months? End of pregnancy was rough.”
“Damn,” Max muttered.
Logan and Drew nodded in commiseration.
“Come on.” Jake shook his head at the table. “All of you have gone at least four months without”—his eyes shot to Addie—“spicy times. It’s not the end of the world, though it does suck, man.”
“Agreed,” I murmured. “It’s not the time so much. More like I love Gracie and she’s right there, but she’s not. I know she felt like shit that last four weeks before this peanut arrived. And now she’s just doing so much. Nursing alone is such a toll on her body. Well, and…” My voice trailed off, and I felt all eyes on me.
Logan finally broke the silence. “You’re still attracted to her, right?”
“Of course I am. I mean, have you seen my wife?” My face was on fire.
Logan put up his hands. “No offense, man, just thought I’d ask and get that out there. So who’s holding back?”
I slid back in the chair. I wished I could say it was all Grace, but that was bullshit. “I mean, I think we both are? I can’t speak for her, but after watching her go through all that at the end, I feel like I’m going to hurt her, which would kill me. And honestly, I don’t feel like she misses it.”
Sully nodded at me from the other end of the table. “I get where you’re coming from, man, I absolutely do. Birth is no joke, and I know Grace had a C-section, which is another level of hell. So I get you, and Maggie is going to be so damn proud of me for asking this, but have you talked to Grace about it?”
I groaned, sinking down in the armchair with my arm around the sling and Mia. “No. I just feel so stupid. Am I overreacting? Maybe this is the way it’s supposed to be, and I’m just some horny man who needs to back way the heck off.”
Sully shook his head as he reached over and tugged El out of the high chair, plopping her on his lap. He wiped her hands clean of any lunch residue and handed her a sippy cup, scooting down in the chair so she could settle her body against his. Sully kissed the top of her head and then met my gaze. “Not overreacting man, but clearly there is something there you two need to discuss. Who knows, she might be struggling with this too.”
I let out a breath, my heart aching at the thought of my Grace struggling with anything. All I wanted to do was protect her from… Hell, everything? Maybe that even included me? Jesus.
