Emma leaned over and rubbed my shoulder. “Grace, you know that’s not true. You’re a great mom—to MiaandBaxter.”
Then I thought of Aidan. He’d been curled up in bed this morning with Mia when I left for work. “And with Aidan…” I hesitated, then confessed my biggest concerns. “I worry that we’re drifting apart because we’re never alone anymore. I don’t think he thinks I’m sexy, that he only sees me as a dairy farm. And I’m afraid we’ll never have sex again.” I thought about it, then looked at the girls. “That’s it.”
Maggie tapped her phone and held it up to me. “You didn’t even fill up two minutes.”
Strangely, I did feel a bit better, like I wasn’t alone in this.
“But we are talking about your concerns because, Grace, those are all completely normal feelings.”
“Really?”
“Really. Well, the dog one might be a bit much.” She grinned and me, then held up a finger. “One—and listen up, Emma, because this will be your life come summer…”
Emma put a hand on her small belly.
“So, one, Mia will sleep at some point. I promise. Can either Aidan’s mom or yours take Mia for the night? One good night of sleep for you is huge. Lee and Anna took El for us once every other week starting at about a month. I’m not overstating it when I say that it was life changing.”
Lee and Anna Sullivan were the amazing parents of Emma and her brother, Cole Sullivan, aka Sully, Maggie’s husband. My parents weren’t terrible people, but I couldn’t see them volunteering for duty. Aidan’s mom was amazing, yet I hadn’t even considered asking her to drive down, though I was sure she would. The logistics just made me a bit crazy.
“How did you do that? Overnights? You were nursing too.”
“Bottles, babe. Pump and prepare.”
“I mean, I know, but part of me feels like that’s cheating, like I need to be doing it all. I have no choice but to pump at work, but at night? Will that mess with our attachment?”
“Nope. No way, no how. The bullshit version of motherhood where we have to martyr ourselves needs to go. Get rid of it. The long and short of it is it gets easier with time and when you don’t try to do it all. But let’s get to point two—you feeling unattractive. You said you and Aidan haven’t had sex for some time. Since Mia was born, I’m guessing?”
My gut clenched, and a feeling of guilt welled up inside. “Since I hit around thirty-six weeks actually. I was nervous because we had an issue with spotting.”
“So about four months? I’d say it’s time for that drought to end. Youwillfeel sexier once you see how Aidan reacts to you.” Maggie wagged her eyebrows, and Emma hit her in the arm.
“I don’t know, ladies. I mean, between my body by the end of pregnancy, the C-section, nursing, leaking, stretch marks, the weird belly I have now… I just feel like all the sexy parts of me are gone and he isn’t attracted to me anymore. Are we going to become one of those couples that are just friends and sexy times are a distant memory?”
“Grace-alicious.” The man of the hour strolled in, making my face flame, and I prayed he hadn’t overheard anything. Aidan Russo had made my mouth water when we were sophomores in college at the University of Illinois, and not much had changed in the past sixteen years. His dark hair was longer on top than it had been back then, more tousled. His face was rarely clean-shaven, but his scruff wasn’t to the levels of a thick beard.
One addition that was certainly not with him when we met was our daughter, Mia. She’d turned three months old this weekend and was currently strapped to his chest in a sling and clearly down for the count. My return from maternity leave this week meant Aidan was taking over at home. He was staying home for another month, taking a paternity leave from his role as a deputy at our county’s sheriff’s department. After that, Mia would be headed to an in-home daycare here in town.
Aidan came by and kissed my head, then handed me my lunch bag. “You forgot this, so I figured I’d pop by and drop it off.”
“Thanks,” I murmured, also kissing the top of Mia’s head before glancing down to see if my boobs were responding to the sight of my child. Dry so far. Yay? “She good?”
“Yep, an angel.” He smiled, then gave me a second glance, concern marring his expression. “You okay?” He traced a thumb across my cheek.
“Hormones.” One word was a whole statement.
His gaze grew focused. “How can I help?”
I shook my head, then gestured to the cookies at the table. “Maggie and Emma are taking care of me.”
He watched me for another moment, shook his head, then looked to Maggie and Emma. “You two doing okay? Causing any trouble?”
“You know it,” Maggie said, doing a little shimmy on the couch.
“I’m off to meet the guys for lunch at the Homestead,” Aidan said. “Anything you need, Grace? I can stay here if it would help.”
“No, I’m truly fine.” I scanned his face, looking for any indications of hesitation. “You’re really headed to the brewery? What if she gets fussy?”
He shrugged. “I’ve got a bottle and diapers. And if she cries, it won’t be the first time people have heard a baby get a little upset. I figure we’ll just roll with it.” He leaned over again, pressing another kiss to my forehead. “See you at home. We can talk more there.” And with that he headed out the door.
