I felt Nate push back the chair at my side and stand up. Then I felt hot air from his mouth near my ear.
Shiver.
“Your secret is safe with me, Elle. But I think you should own this dream. Your writing is too good to ignore it.”
With that, he walked away. Hopefully he hadn’t noticed the goose bumps that had risen in response to his proximity—or the hitch in my breath.
Yep. Nothing to see here. Nothing at all.
* * *
I ran my hand over the hangers in front of me at my closet again. It didn’t seem to matter. I’d scanned my wardrobe several times, and nothing was saying wear me!
I dropped dramatically to my bed and grabbed my phone.
Me:I have nothing to wear.
Ava’s response was immediate.
Ava:Oh good, insecurity right on schedule then?
Me:Can’t you come tonight?
Ava:Sorry, babe. School holiday party and I planned it. Ivy’s going with you. Relax and enjoy.
Ava:And red suede jacket, black knee-length, body-hugging LBD, and some kick-ass shoes. You’ve got this.
With a sigh, I begrudgingly got up and grabbed the clothes Ava had mentioned. She was right, it would work. How she could pick the perfect outfit without even seeing my closet was a mystery for the ages.
After a quick change, I looked in the mirror and felt pretty good about the reflection looking back at me. Taking a quick picture, I shot off a text to Ava and got a thumbs-up back in return. Noting the time, I moved to my couch to kill a few minutes until Ivy would be ready.
Clicking on a social media app, I opened up the memories from that day. I flipped through some, realizing how distant my time in Chicago seemed. I’d had a few friends, to be certain, but so many of my posts in the past few years were from me on my own.
Finally I hit a picture from four years ago. I’d been in Chicago at my job for a few months, and I was headed out to a Christmas party. I could see my nerves from the way I bit my lower lip, but I’d posted the pic I’d taken with one of the other editors, Julie. She was tiny, below five foot, slender. I didn’t tend to feel tall around people, but Julie had made me feel like I was far more than four or five inches above her. I also easily outweighed her by sixty pounds. That night? I hadn’t cared. In my fitted green sweater dress, I’d felt curvy, sexy.
My stomach thudded as I remembered the comments. Telling myself I shouldn’t, I still clicked. Most, if I was looking at them without bias, said I looked gorgeous and wished me a happy holiday. Several girls from college, however, made passive-aggressive comments about the need for moderation during the holidays. Cautioning me that I shouldn’tlet myself go.
Why did women do this to each other?
Ava had taken them to task, and while I wanted to say their comments didn’t pierce the armor I’d worked to put up, they had.
I blinked back tears. I’d pulled back from social media after that. Hell, to be honest, I’d pulled back from a lot more. I’d dated casually in Chicago but kept everything light. A date here and there but nothing deep. I’d promised myself that I wasn’t going to be in a position to get hurt again. It was too much vulnerability for me. No, thanks. Over the past four years, I’d worked on myself, worked to retrain the way my brain reacted. I was stronger than I was in the past, but I was also human.
I glanced down at my fitted dress and was pissed at my immediate worry that I should change. Enough.
Ava would kick my ass if she heard my thoughts right now. I looked good.
A knock at the door pulled me out of my tiny pity party. It was time to go.
* * *
Ivy and I entered the brewery, weaving through tables as she made a beeline for a guy that I assumed was Jake, her fiancé. Right before we reached him, I felt a tug on my arm. I turned to see a person from my yoga class and quickly greeted her before catching up with Ivy.
Jake was gorgeous, clearly. Ivy had talked about the man nonstop anytime I’d seen her over the past month. They’d had a rocky go at one point, but if the way they were looking at each other was any indication, their relationship was full steam ahead. My God, I worried we all might be incinerated simply by being in their presence.
I hadn’t met Jake, though he often visited Ivy at the bookstore. We seemed to always just miss each other, so I’d looked forward to getting to know the guy that had captured my friend’s heart.
Ivy introduced us, and Jake went to grab us all beer. Tonight businesses all over town were celebrating the holidays with this ticketed event called the Reds of Christmas. Ivy had red velvet cupcakes available at the bookstore that Nic was passing out. I think Kristine was giving out peppermint-scented cooldown towels at the yoga studio. Ivy had said we could head around the square and check out the other stores, but the brewery felt like enough for me.
