I glanced around, no sign of any students yet. Damn, it was cold.
Me:Freezing my ass off outside Addie’s school.
Drew:What? You’re watching Ads for Bookstore? How did I miss this?
Me:I’m not. Just wanted to say hi before the busy weekend starts. Not sure when I’ll see her again.
Drew:I’m wondering…
Me:Pins and needles.
Drew:Just wondering what it feels like to be whipped.
Me:Fuck off.
I glanced around again for Teri, but didn’t see her. My phone vibrated, and I looked down to see a text from Ivy. Drew would have a shit ton of comments about the lightness I felt just from seeing her name.
Maybe he had a point. I opened the text.
Ivy:You’re welcome to swing by the school and say hi to Ads, but Teri won’t be there. Remember, Noah is back in town as of today. He’s picking her up so they can hang out. I’m sure you can join them if you want.
My stomach ached. I’d forgotten about Noah coming back today. As I’d told Drew, the guy seemed nice and was trying to do right by his kid, but part of me hated it and I didn’t know why.
Before I could psychoanalyze myself too much, the doors were thrown open, and kids and teachers began streaming out.
“Here they come,” I muttered. I should have immediately left, but I didn’t. Apparently I wasn’t in the mood to be kind to myself.
I looked up to see Noah was indeed there and talking to a teacher. She looked at her clipboard and nodded, pointing at the class coming out of the doors. Noah signed the clipboard and began scanning the kids as they came out. When I looked back to the school door, I saw Addie’s friend, Trevor, exit. Coming behind him was Addie. I saw Noah step toward her. Her head turned toward him, and a smile lit up her face. I heard her shout, “Daddy!” as she ran toward him at a sprint. He knelt down, holding out his arms as she barreled toward him, wrapping herself around him.
I took a step back, feeling like I’d been punched in the gut. It wasn’t rational. With one look at the two of them, I knew I was in trouble. I loved Ivy and Addie. I wanted the dream with them. No part of my dream had Noah in it. And how long till Ivy decided her dream didn’t include me? I took one last look at Addie in Noah’s arms as he picked her up, and I hightailed it back to my truck.
31
The World Imploded
Ivy
I glanced down at my phone lying on the counter at the bookstore again. I’d texted Jake a few times in the past hour to arrange a time to see him tonight before his shift. He’d picked up some stuff at the store for me, and I didn’t want him to go out of his way to get it to me. He had enough going on.
Weird, still no reply.
I couldn’t believe that he was cool with picking up tampons. It my somewhat limited experience with guys, they preferred to pretend that periods didn’t exist, which was patently ridiculous. I mean, bodily function and all. When I was in middle school, I had mortified my parents by petitioning my principal to get sanitary supplies place in the bathrooms at school for free for anyone who needed them. In our meeting he’d explained that I didn’t understand there was a cost involved and were the females in the student body okay with helping shoulder that cost? I acknowledge there was a cost, but asked where the females and males were shouldering the price tag for toilet paper, which was also used for a bodily function.
We got pads and tampons.
I thought back to Jake and my conversations on feminism over the past six months. I had assumed he had some misguided misogynist beliefs, but now I wished that I had a record of those conversations because his actions over the past few months were showing me I might be mistaken.
But I knew who I could ask. I grabbed my phone again.
Me:Hey Steph, fun question for you. Where would you say your brother falls on the scale from feminist to misogynist?
I mean, I knew when Steph and I talked she’d explained that their parents were pretty old school and she was constantly educating her brothers. Did it matter, really? I had to say it did, deep down. I needed Addie surrounded by people who would fight right beside her to make sure she had all options open to her.
My phone vibrated.
Steph:Which Neanderthal are we talking about right now?
Steph:Though, honestly, the answer is the same. Jake and Drew are a work in progress. Deep down, they believe women are equal and should have every opportunity they do. Do they always recognize the opportunities they are simply given for being white, cis-gendered males gracing this earth? Nope. Are they open to realizing that they’ve been given certain privileges and advocating for others? Yep.
