This was when being a single parent sucked. And to be honest, I didn’t know how to talk to her about Jake and what was happening with us. I was certain he wouldn’t want anything long-term. Jake was great with kids, but would he want an already-formed family? I doubted it. In all likelihood, we just needed to get it out of our systems. He said it had been a while, and goddess knew it had been for me. We could go back to being friends if that was what he wanted. Addie already understood that friendship. It’d be fine.
“I’d give a million bucks to know what’s going through your head,” Jake said as we followed Addie down the sidewalk, his dress shoes crushing the fall leaves underfoot.
I glanced over at him. Stubble stood out over his face and jaw, making me really wish we could have spent the day in bed. His button-down and dress pants were rumpled from the night on my floor as well as the morning on the couch watching cartoons with Addie. He carried my cake container. The idea of going to brunch at his place with his family empty-handed was a no go, so I’d whipped up Granny Hill’s coffee cake. Granny Hill was one of my nana’s closest friends, and I had begged for this coffee cake every time I visited as a kid.
Debating if I wanted to share with Jake that I was trying to decide what to tell my daughter about the two of us, I decided I hadn’t had enough coffee for that conversation.
“Are you sure your parents are going to be okay with the two of us coming back to your house like this?” I gave a gesture to encompass his rumbled outfit. I mean, it was clear he hadn’t changed since last night, and since they’d stayed in his house, there really was no question as to what happened.
Crapola.
Jake shifted the cake carrier to his opposite hand. “Slow down, Ads,” he called up.
Addie turned to look back at us.
“Take a left, babe.” He jerked his head in that direction.
“Okey dokey, Jakey!” Addie sang and then began twirling down the sidewalk to the left, taking us the rest of the way to Jake’s.
Jake glanced at me, raising his eyebrow. “Okey dokey?” His hand reached out, nabbing mine as he laced our fingers together.
Yep. Heart skipping a few beats. No biggie, we were just holding hands. Ignoring all the questions that were whirling in my brain, I closed my eyes for a step and took a cleansing breath. Opening them back up, I stared down the sidewalk at Addie, who was now bent over, talking to a statute of a frog. “She likes rhyming words.”
Jake squeezed my hand. “Gotcha. And to answer your earlier comment. Yes, I’m sure my parents will be fine. Whether we will be when they get through with us, that’s another story.”
I stopped, frozen to the sidewalk. Jake turned to look at me, his face showing his confusion.
“What do you mean?” I asked, needing to understand what I was heading for.
Jake shook his head. “You’ve already met my mom. What I’m saying is I know you said last night was a onetime thing, and I get that. With being a mom, starting a business, all of it, it’s a lot. I really do get it.”
I wondered if Jake knew CPR because sure to goddess a heart rate pounding like this couldn’t be healthy. “I’d like to state for the record that you were the one who said it was just for the night.”
Jake’s eyes narrowed. “That’s right. You said it was just sex.”
“We never clarified what I meant,” I started. I mentally beat myself up for saying anything. But really, that’s all that I thought Jake wanted, no strings, just sex. And yeah, maybe only once. Clearly I was right since he hadn’t exactly fought that line of thinking, except… “Um, you’re holding my hand,” I pointed out helpfully.
Jake gave me a slow smile. A smile I wanted to tackle him to the ground and kiss off his face. “You saying friends can’t hold hands, Bookstore Ivy?”
I laughed out loud at Drew’s name for me. “Hmm, some friends can, I suppose. Are we that type of friends,Jakey?”
We started down the sidewalk again, drawing closer to Addie’s spot talking to the stone frog. I could hear her conversation. She was asking it where Toad was. Apparently, she’d decided it was Frog from her Frog and Toad books. Of course, makes complete sense.
“Let’s go, Ads. Jake’s house is just up ahead,” I said as we reached her.
She beamed up at us and shouted a rallying cry ofdonutsas she ran toward Jake’s house, fist raised, blue tutu bouncing from underneath her jacket.
As she moved up the drive to the back door, Jake squeezed my hand again. “Ivy, I think we can absolutely be friends who hold hands.” He tugged me, and I turned and looked at him. My breath caught as I watched his eyes heat and rake over me from my messy hair in a knot over my fitted shirt under my wrap from Athleta. I had on a pair of yoga pants because Jake had assured me brunch would be super casual and that Drew would likely still be in lounge pants if he could manage it. His gaze spoke volumes, but his words took my breath away. “And, if you want, I think we can be friends who spend the night together when they want.”
I didn’t realize it was possible for your heart to breakandsoar at the same time. “Oh?” I tried to ask super casually as I watched Addie go up the back steps and into the kitchen.
He nodded. “You said that’s what you’re ready for right now, and as I mentioned, I totally get it. So, just saying, there’s no need for you to wait another five years or whatever. I’m here for you, when you need a sitter, a friend, or more.”
Oh. Did I want that? Part of me wanted to scream, to tell him heck no, I wanted more than friends who hop into bed when they feel like it. But then, if I was honest, this was likely perfect. Because in all reality, we weren’t ending up together, so if I entered this friendship with added benefits with my eyes wide open, I wouldn’t get hurt. Right?
Fudgesicles. I had a feeling I’d get hurt. But maybe have a lot of sex on the way. And then Jake would find the perfect girlfriend, and I’d buy a new Lelo vibrator. Whatever. Hewasa good friend. He was great with Addie. If I could just keep this casual, we could always have that. And if for a few days, weeks, months, that came with the added bonus of hot sex, who was I to complain?
“Sounds great,” I muttered.
