Well, the church did warn against premarital sex, the stupid voice in my head sang.
“Fuck off,” I muttered. Not the time.
The broken condom had been a wake-up call, fate splashing a bucket of water on my simple fantasies of a life that was not meant for me. I should have known better, of course. A relationship with Sully was a dream, and I’d learned long ago that those dreams were not for people like me.
Sully and I couldn’t be together. My plan had always been to come back to Highland Falls, teach for several years, and save money so I could leave. Move on to a city like Chicago or New York. Somewhere big where everyone didn’t know my whole story. Where they didn’t pity the girl whose mom had passed away far too young. The girl with a dad who switched jobs like most people changed coats. Highland Falls meant Emma and the Sullivans, but it also meant small towns where everyone knew who you were, for better or for worse. Anything with Sully would keep me in this cage, I was ready to move on, and already decided to start my trip in a few weeks.
Since that moment with Sully, things were tense, to say the least. We didn’t see each other daily, of course, but with Max and Emma getting together and with my best friend being his sister, with our friendship over the years, we were thrown together many times over the course of a week. Since our moment five weeks ago, he’d texted, called, and I’d been a bitch and ignored it all. Could. Not. Go. There. I’d been so panicked that we’d end up exactly where I currently was I’d chosen to freeze him out. Surely if I became the world’s biggest bitch, that would mean we wouldn’t have any unintended consequences from failed contraception. Well, beyond a friendship I treasured being destroyed. I lightly banged my head back against the tile. Ignoring him didn’t change this. What in the hell was I going to do?
Max and Emma both noticed the tension, but I managed to avoid Sully for the most part. Luckily, the past two weeks had been blessedly drama-free. He’d gone on a road trip on his bike with Jake, co-owner of The Homestead.They’d left the brewery in the hands of their new manager and headed off to visit other small breweries around the Midwest. Emma kept me informed of their whereabouts, which meant that I knew their stop last night in Festus, Missouri, was their last. They should be heading home in the next day or so. I didn’t know if Emma had guessed what had happened or why she’d decided to share about his travels, but I soaked up anything she told me like a woman in the desert dying of thirst.
Sudden light knocks on the bathroom door brought me back to reality. Shaking my head, I called that I was coming and gathered my stuff. I had my giant leather purse today, which was just as well. I stuffed the test as well as the trash from it inside the box it came from and buried it at the bottom of my purse. No way was I leaving that for anyone to find in here.
Taking a deep breath, I opened the door. My eyes looked down into the worried eyes of Bridget Masters, my principal and dear friend. Bridget had been in our building as long as I had but was younger than most administrators I knew. She and her wife, Sam, had two amazing kids—Aggie and Gus. Between her experience as a parent and an educator, our staff respected her immensely, and she treated us all like family. She’d been a godsend over the years.
“Maggie, what gives? You’ve been in here for a while,” she whispered as she tugged me out and guided me down the small hall of the main office to her office.
I glanced around and realized the office was empty. Everyone had already taken off for the weekend. Four in the afternoon on a Friday meant this place closely resembled a ghost town. Any other day of the work week would find teachers here for hours after the bell, getting caught up on grading, socializing with colleagues, giving students some extra time. Fridays, forget about it. The parking lot was filled with taillights as my colleagues got their weekend started as soon as the kids left the building.
Even with the building being deserted, Bridget shut the door for privacy as I moved to my favorite spot, her couch. Her office was decent-sized. She had a small spot for her desk area, but the majority was taken up with a couch, armchair, and some large bean bags.
Sinking into the corner of the couch, I let my purse hit the floor and tucked a leg under my body as I turned to face Bridget getting into the same position in the other corner. If I were in a better mood, I’d laugh. She was positively swallowed up by this furniture. While I knew she was somewhere in her late thirties, she could easily pass for a decade younger. Her hair was a rich red that spilled over her shoulders, making my strawberry blonde look more blond than strawberry. I didn’t consider myself tall, but at five foot eight I had easily seven inches on Bridget. That being said, this diminutive person in front of me could run this school like no one I’d ever seen. Kids towered over her, but they loved her completely, and she gave that right back. Whatever you were doing, you wanted Ms. Masters on your side. And right now I needed her.
Looking down at my hands, I debated where to begin. My mind raced. Could I be fired for being an unwed mother? Surely not anymore. Yet this town, this county, was pretty conservative. What the hell would I tell the kids? Questions raced through my mind as I felt my heart rate kick into gear.
Bridget cleared her throat, and I looked up. “While I am a big believer in wait time, it’s Friday afternoon. Maybe I can help you along?” She looked at me with a kind smile, the kind that reached your eyes. “How can I help?”
Boom. Waterworks. Tears slid out, flowing over my cheeks with no possibility of holding them back. I gulped, looked down at my bag, and reached in, pulling out the positive test, and held it up as I looked at Bridget with watery eyes.
Her eyes grew wide as she glanced from the test in my hand to my still-flat stomach, back to my eyes. “Shit,” she whispered.
“Yep, that about covers it,” I mumbled.
Then she did what makes her a great administrator. She closed her eyes, took a breath, and switched into problem-solving mode. “Well, okay, let’s start with the most obvious question first. Do you want to keep it?”
I physically felt like I had a punch to the gut. “Yes!” I gasped.
Bridget’s hands immediately came up in defense. “I’m sorry. I know you’re Catholic. I meant did you want to consider adoption…” Her voice trailed off.
Deep breaths, Maggie, I told myself. “I’m sorry. I’m a bit of a hot mess right now. I mean, yes, I’m Catholic, but our church is also against premarital sex, so I’m not exactly a poster child for my religion right now. And while I also believe in a woman’s right to choose, that’s not a choice for me. No judgment on others though.” Bridget nodded at me, so I continued. “As for adoption, I think that is a wonderful gift to give a couple who cannot conceive. If I was younger, maybe that would be something to explore. As it is, though…” I closed my eyes and put my hand on my stomach.
“It’s just not the right choice for you.” She finished for me softly.
I looked up and nodded. “It’s crazy, but I want this baby. I don’t know how to explain it. I had an inkling I might be pregnant for the past two weeks or so. My periods can be really light, so I was just hoping I had missed it. But one test telling me I am, and boom,everything is different. I’m on the pill, but I had the stomach flu a while back. Shit…”
Bridget inclined her head, smiling at me. “No need to try to explain everything to me. I get it, including the sudden attachment that can come with this. Sam carried Gus, I carried Aggie. Everything changes in an instant and will never be the same again. As unexpected as I’m guessing this is for you, it can also be one of the best things that has ever happened, bar none.”
Bridget got up and brought me some Kleenex, then crossed to a mini-fridge she had in the corner and pulled two water bottles out, handed me one, and sat back down. “So, let’s address the elephant in the room. Unless you had an immaculate conception, there’s something you’re holding back. Hmm?”
I guzzled some of the water, trying to decide how to begin. “Shit, Bridget, this is hard to say.” I took a breath, gathering courage. “There’s a guy I’ve had a thing for pretty much forever. We obviously got together one night, but I panicked and nothing happened after. Honestly, I’ve been avoiding him ever since.”
Her brows were drawn together, and I felt like you could almost see her mind working. “Why the hell would you panic? Was it bad? And that’s not like you to avoid a situation. You usually face everything head-on. It’s one of the traits I love about you. You’re fearless.”
Her words made me warm and cold at the same time. “I know. That’s why it shook me so. I don’t run from a challenge. But being with him, just for that one time, I began to dream big and fast. Those dreams flew in the face of the plans I’d already decided for myself. Then he said the condom broke, and all self-doubt bubbled up, and that bitch of a voice in my head came in telling meof coursenothing could work with him, so I ran.” God, even saying it pissed me off.
Bridget smiled at me. “Well, I guess you’re going to have to get over that now so you can tell him.” Her eyes widened in alarm as she studied my face. “Maggie, youhaveto tell him.”
I pulled up my knees to rest my head on. “I know, I know. But I’m going to need a few days to get there. I just need to get used to this before I share it with him.” I took another breath, let it out, then whispered, “I just don’t want him to be pissed or feel like I trapped him.”
