Max gave me an incredulous look back. “Because you’d be full of shit and say you’re fine. Like you aren’t a man who has had a bomb dropped in his lap.”
I stared down the yard to the road and the fields beyond. Planting season was underway, and farmers were out checking the moisture in the soil, hoping for consistent days so that the seeds could germinate. I saw Richard, the guy who farms the land around my house for my parents, drive by and wave. I waved back, then looked over at Max who was watching me with narrowed eyes. His hair wasn’t pulled back in a bun like he typically had it. I guessed that the helmet for his bike was the reason behind that.
“Hair’s getting long, Harp.”
His brows rose up. “Are we fucking talking about our hair right now? I could point out you could use a cut,” he said as he leaned down and grabbed the ball Ranger had brought him. Apparently the pup had his second wind. Max let the ball fly, then bit out, “So, you good?”
I sighed, leaning back on my elbows on the porch behind me. “I’m good, swear. It’s just been a lot. Sorry I didn’t tell you in person.”
“Not about to heap any guilt on you, man. The text was fine. And you had to know Emma would share.” Max nodded, taking the ball from Ranger and throwing it again. Ranger barked happily and charged after the slobbery ball. “So, thoughts on being a dad?”
A bunch of starlings took flight from a tree on the edge of the property, flying in their swooping patterns over the field to the north, their black shape stark against the brilliant blue sky. I watched, lost in thought for a moment before Max’s voice pulled me back. “Cole…”
Shaking my head, I whistled to Ranger who had dropped the ball and was investigating a smell at the edge of a field. He glanced over and took off at a sprint to come our way. He ran up the few steps to be by my side, and I gave his head a good rub before looking over to Max. “Being a dad is both the best thing I can think of at the same time as it is the most terrifying prospect I can imagine.”
Max nodded and leaned back against a post on the porch. “Makes sense.”
Ranger left my side to get a good drink of water from the bowl that was always on the porch for him. I leaned back again on my elbows, watching the flight of the birds. “Not the timeline I’d planned on, but that doesn’t make me want this baby any less. Couldn’t ever be disappointed in a child, you know?”
“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be upset that your plans have been upended, Sully.”
I sat with that for a minute. There was truth there, but it also didn’t feel right. “Not sure I have the words to explain my thoughts, Max. Part of me is excited to meet this person I’ve helped to create, to watch them grow. Part is worried about Maggie and how she’s feeling, what this has done to her. Then there is the concern that this means the canning project at the brewery needs to hit pause. I need to make sure I’m ready to be a dad financially. That I can support a family.”
I looked over to see Max watching me closely. “Bullshit.”
I gave him a look. What the hell? “Thanks for your support.”
He looked irritated. “It’s not that I don’t support you, but I’m calling bullshit on you needing to pause your business to be a dad. What you’re feeling is the fear I’d assume most sane people would feel when they find out they’re going to be stepping up to care for another human being. That’s a lot, Sully, and it’s okay to be a bit overwhelmed by it. But as for needing some mythical amount of money in the bank, bullshit.”
I let Max’s words soak in. They brought me some comfort, but also conflict. Jake and I had talked only in short conversations since Saturday. Yesterday we should have signed the loan and begun to invest in the canning operation, but because of my conflicted feelings, we didn’t. Jake was pissed and had every right to be. By not signing, we’d lost the chance, and Jake seemed to take my lack of trust that this opportunity could be successful as a personal criticism.
“While you’re chewing on whatever is swirling in that brain of yours, you want to share what’s up with you and Mags?” Max asked. “I mean, I assume that the reason you two were moody as hell last month had to do with you and Ms. Jameson.”
Ranger had been patrolling the porch but came to stretch out next to Max. He dropped his head on Max’s legs with a sigh. Max absentmindedly stroked his head as he watched me.
“Yeah,” I said, looking down at my hands. Meeting Max’s eyes, I asked, “How much did Emma tell you? Not sure what Maggie shared.”
“Well, clearly I know you two had sex. Emma said it was the night we grilled and had tequila. Then something about protection failing and Maggie melting down…” He trailed off.
I nodded, “That about sums it up. Nothing happened that night because she was on the path to too much alcohol. The next day things got heated. Afterward, I saw that the damn condom broke. Maggie’s walls went up immediately. I took her home because that was what she wanted. Then she barely spoke to me until I came back on Friday when you told me she was pregnant. And now”—I held out my arms—“here we are.”
Max looked at Ranger as he pet the dog’s silky ears, running them through his fingers. “That would fuck with you, Sully. Especially if Maggie was someone you’d been seeing as more than a friend.” He looked up at me, tilting his head in a silent question.
No point in denying anything here. Max would just figure it out anyway. “Yeah, Max, I’ve wanted things with Maggie to be more than friendly for a while, but I was waiting until I was ready, until the brewery was in a good place.”
“I feel like this is the spot where I point out that I about lost Emma for trying to control when I decided we were ready to move from friends to more…”
“Yeah, there might be some parallels there,” I noted. “At any rate, things are upended, and I need to take my lead from Maggie.”
“And what does Maggie say?” Max asked, his hand dropping from Ranger’s head when the dog saw a squirrel that dared to come down from a tree and about lost his mind chasing it over the grass.
I snorted. “Maggie doesn’t seem to know what she wants. Friday night she said she wants to be friends, that there is a lot going on and she needs to process. However, we’ve texted on and off, went to the doctor appointment yesterday together.”
Max tipped his head back and stayed silent for a moment before meeting my eyes. “Is she still planning on traveling this summer?”
“Not sure. I think she’s pretty conflicted on that front. The doc said she could, but she’s nervous.” I looked down at my work boots, scuffed to shit, dirty as hell. “I did offer to let her move in here. She’s already got someone moving into her duplex, so she doesn’t have anywhere else to go.”
Max’s grin turned into a smirk. “You’re trying to get her to be roommates when she doesn’t know what she wants in regard to a relationship with you?”
