Sully returned my hug before whispering in my ear, “Mags, not that I’m complaining, but what was that for?”
My heart felt full, so I waited a minute before responding. “For being one of the good guys, Cole Sullivan. And the world needs more of the good guys.”
I’d waved off a ride home from anyone last night and walked, needing to sort out my own head, but it hadn’t worked. By the time I got to my place, all I’d wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep, exhaustion and stress getting the better of me. Typically, I got about six to seven hours a night and was good to go. Apparently, growing this little bean meant that my mattress and I were going to become closely acquainted. Gracious.
This morning I’d driven out to Highland Woods for a run before school. My head was just not in the right place, and with five days of school left, I needed to get in the game. Turning onto the yellow trail, which was a two-mile loop out to the river and some small falls, my mind was filled with questions. This was one of my favorite trails, flat and peaceful with great scenery, exactly what I needed today.
The trails out here were fabulous, but you had to be on the lookout for uneven ground or the roots that would jut out unexpectedly. The air smelled fresh, what I associated in my brain with the smells of spring. The blue sky was cloudless. It was a gorgeous morning, if a bit warmer than I’d expected. I ran, the quiet of my footfalls on the needle-covered trails giving me unexpected reassurance.
My appointment was in about nine hours. Nine hours and I’d know officially that I was having a baby. Sully’s baby. Nine hours and I might have some answers as to how I’d be spending my summer. Nine hours.
I ran on.
The trail opened up, leading me toward the river. Glancing at my watch, I saw that I’d made it about a mile in. The trees were a little closer here, blocking out more of the sunlight. I worked on my breathing, trying to bring in more air, exhale my frustration.
I turned off the trail and moved down the side path that led to the falls. The sound of the water reached me before the sight did. The space opened up, and there were large rocks encircling a pond with water cascading over the farthest one. The sun was softly filtering through the trees, and the space brought a feeling of tranquility to me that I hadn’t realized how badly I craved.
Breathless, I moved over to a flat rock that jutted out over the water, and I flopped down on my back on its surface, soaking in the warmth of the rocks as I drew my knees to my chest and rested my chin on them, stretching on my hamstrings. I looked up at the trees, letting them blur as my mind wandered.
Sully had asked me to move in with him. What did I do with that? I rocked back and forth, allowing my back to stretch a bit in what Kristine called happy babypose. Pulling my legs to my chest again in a ball, I thought about my options. One, I could still go on my trip if my doc gave it the okay. Two, I could move in with Emma and Max. I was sure she’d offer it up. Three, I bet I could move in with Lee and Anna. Four, I could find another place to sublet. Five, Sully.
I looked off into the pond and watched the water for a moment. None of these options were ideal. Well, going on my trip was, right? I thought of the map I’d created in an old atlas of the places I wanted to go in the Midwest. I thought of my drive up to the northern part of Michigan that I’d mapped out to start with, camping out by the lake, away from the whispers of small towns and people who thought they knew your story. Was that all gone now?
More importantly, why didn’t it sound as appealing as it had before?
As for the other options, living with a brand-new couple sounded like torture. Lee and Anna were amazing, but I had no desire to go back to living with parental figures. Finding a place to rent at this late notice would seriously dip into my nest egg. And then there was Sully.
Shaking my head, I slid off the rock. I didn’t have a ton of time before I had to get to school. I ran back, eating up the distance to my car, my brain in a whirl. As I sorted through my thoughts, I wondered briefly if I should have gone with Sully last night. Those feelings of loneliness were back with a vengeance. I shook my head and let my legs pound my frustration into the ground. I still had a full day ahead of me and kids to teach.
Hours later, the knock at my door brought me back to the present and out of my daydream that was really more like a late afternoon, early evening nap. I rolled off the couch, tossing the cream throw over the arm, and stumbled toward the sound. Though the window I could see that Emma stood waiting for me.
Throwing the door open, I mumbled my hello as I trudged back to the couch.
“You look like hell,” she said, closing the door behind her and moving to the kitchen.
Plopping back down on my couch, I tucked my legs under me and wrapped back up in my throw. “Sorry, babe. I’m just beat. Give me a minute, and I’ll wake up fully and be present. While I do that, mind telling me why you’re here?”
She glanced over at me, then down at the bags she was unloading on the counter. “Well…”
I looked over at her, then focused on the bags. “Umm, are those from The Homestead?”
The corner of her mouth turned up in a smirk. “Will my answer impact whether you actually eat the food?”
“Fuck, no. I’m starving. I just want to know who is being the hovering mother in tonight’s scenario, you or your brother.” I stood, wrapping the throw around me like a shawl, and made my way across the living room to my tiny kitchen.
“Oh, my big bro is totally the hovering mother here. Please tell him that when I can see his expression.” Emma smiled, pulling down a few plates.
I glanced at the counter. Cheeseburgers, fries, and salad. “Shit!” I exclaimed, slamming a hand to my head. “Our yoga-night special, I completely forgot about class tonight.”
“No worries, babe. It looks like you needed that nap far more than a bit of stretching. I swung by the brewery after class, and Sully mentioned you guys had gone to the doctor and you were exhausted. I told him I’d bring you food and take mine to go since he couldn’t leave,” she said as she loaded up her plate. “So, want to tell me how the appointment went?”
I loaded up my own plate, and we moved over to my couch, taking opposite corners. I forked up a large bite of salad, letting out a groan. I mean, where had I ever had salad that made me moan? That was how good it was. Pausing for a moment, I looked at Emma. “Sully didn’t just tell you everything already?”
Emma rolled her eyes, waving a fry at me. “Don’t be bitchy. He told me I could talk to you but that everything was good.” She regarded me as she took a bite of her burger. Not even bothering to get all her food down, she mumbled, “You should know that’s all I care about.”
“Good Lord, woman, chew.” I shook my head at her, moving on to my cheeseburger. Taking a bite, I gave a happy sigh. The bean might be pissed about coffee, but this burger and salad was making me all kinds of happy. Hopefully the fries would find the same reception. “And of course you care about me and this little bean.”
Emma leaned over, taking a swig of water, then continued. “I just meant I’m not here to get the skinny on you and my bro. I just wanted to know that all was well, thatyouwere well.”
