The sound seemed to spur Nick on, because a second later, his large hand found the side of her neck and he pressed his hips against hers until Carly was deliciously trapped between the hard bricks and the solid wall of his chest. She had started this, but Nick was in charge now, holding her and kissing her insistently, like he wanted to prove a point. She answered by tilting her head and dipping her tongue deeper into his mouth, where it clashed with his as she arched her body against his chest. She felt him shudder as her breasts pressed against him, and looped her arms around his shoulders, desperate for more of his body against hers, more of his mouth, more of his scent.
Nick’s fingers slid up her neck and into her hair, while his other hand was splayed against her hip, keeping her body flush against his as she kissed him deeply, fiercely, unthinkingly. He pulled gently at her hair, and her body answered with a hot, needy pulse between her legs. He must have heard her whimper, because he did it again, and for a moment she wanted to scream becausehow dare hebe so good at this? She vented her frustration by nipping at his lower lip and felt his fingers tighten around her hip. So she did it again, becauseshe was damn good at this, too, thank you very much.
Someone laughed loudly inside, and Nick broke the kiss, chest heaving. Carly was panting. She looked up into his face and saw that his lips were swollen, and when she brought her fingertips to her own lips, they felt tender and a little puffy, too. It had been a long time since she’d been kissed like that. Had she ever been kissed like that? With so much need, but so much care? His eyes were trained on her fingers, and when she looked closer, she saw they were a little glassy, like he was dazed or drunk.Drunk on her.The sight of it made her feel a kind of whole-body hunger—and a ripple of self-satisfaction. She had done that. She had gotten this uptight, annoyed man drunk off her mouth. Broken vagina or not, she had done that.
Suddenly, her fingertips felt cold against her lips. She swallowed, trying to push away the truth that had just floated into her head, sweeping away the lust and the reckless need. Her broken vagina. It started like this every time: they wanted her, and she wanted them, and she wanted so badly to give them what they wanted. And she never could. And it hurt like a motherfucker. And it ended like that, every time. This time would be no different. The only thing that would change would be that she would end it before it could truly begin.
She dropped her hand and leaned back against the wall, putting half a foot of space between them. Nick carefully extracted his hand from her hair, and she missed it the moment it was gone. His other hand was still on her hip, radiating heat through the fabric of her dress. Just a few inches lower and he’d have his hand on her thigh, she realized, and the thought of his palms on her bare skin made her want to scream in frustration again.Shut it down, now.
“Let’s not make that mistake again,” she said, in as businesslike a tone as she could muster. It sounded unconvincing, but she meant it.
He frowned down at her for a moment, studying her face. He looked more alert now, and confused. “You kissed me,” he said slowly. He peeled his fingers off her hip even more slowly, and took a step backward.
“I did,” she nodded, hating the clipped sound of her own voice. “But I don’t want to do it again.” A lie. Her heart was still racing, and she could still taste sugar and strawberries.
She saw something shift in his gaze, a curtain falling.
“Okay, well, thanks for letting me know,” he said, matching her tone. “I should go back inside. I’ll send you the photos from this morning’s session so you can post them tonight.” His eyes were sharp again, and before she could say anything else, he was turning away from her and toward the front door. She watched him open it, wishing she could explain. But what would she even say?I’m broken? I can’t give you what you want, and you don’t want to give me what I need? It’s only a matter of time before we disappoint each other?
“Nick, wait,” she said, grabbing the door before it could swing shut behind him. He was already halfway down the hall.
“Goodnight, Carly,” he called over his shoulder. His voice was aggressively friendly, like he knew the others might hear him from the kitchen.
It was better this way, she told herself. This way, he’d remember that he actually hated her, and they’d go back to a prickly, barely functional partnership.
“Okay, see you tomorrow,” she called back, just as cheerfully, just as fake.
Because they still had to work together. She’d made a promise to Heather, and she would not break it. And she would not let one kiss stop her from doing what she needed to do to get promoted. One idiotic, ill-advised, knee-melting,never-to-be-repeatedkiss.
“Fuck,” she sighed, closing the door and turning to slump against it. After a long moment, she walked down the front steps. This was a mess. She was a mess.
But at least this mess had a few hundred more followers than she’d had yesterday.
Chapter 13
Carly couldn’t sleep. She didn’t know if she’d ever be able to sleep again. How could she, when every time she closed her eyes she was back on Heather’s front porch, pressed against the wall with Nick Jacobs’s hand in her hair? His hand gripping her hip, need pulsing in his fingertips. She rolled over onto her back and stared at the ceiling, her body buzzing even though she knew she was tired.
There was no refuge here, either. Even with her eyes open, she could still smell him on her skin, could still hear the way he’d hissed with desire when she’d bitten his bottom lip. She arched her back under the sheet, remembering how badly she’d wanted to press her entire being against his tall, lean body.
But she knew where that led. It led to more kissing, and then to the kind of sex he’d want and she couldn’t give him. She gripped the sheet hard in one hand, feeling almost as frustrated now as she had in the moment. He’d want to put his fingers inside her, and his cock, and she would be left with two choices: stop him just like she had last night or pretend that she wasn’t in pain. A few months ago, she would have chosen the second option. She would have kept kissing him—becauseGod, that kiss—and she would have gritted her teeth through whatever came next. But she knew better now. Which was why a kiss like that could not happen again. Why she’d pushed him away and watched him walk back down the hallway, pretending nothing remarkable had happened.
Here in the dawn light, though, alone with the ache between her legs, she couldn’t pretend. She wanted Nick Jacobs, and he wanted her. She didn’t understand it, but she couldn’t deny it, either. But what would be the point of giving in to it? She had a broken vagina, and they had work to do. The wedding was two weeks away, and then she’d go back to New York and he’d go back to Paris.Get it together, Montgomery. You came here for Heather. To spend time with her best friend and help her pull off the perfect wedding she deserved. Not to fuck around with the best man, and certainly not to screw up her best chance of getting promoted.
She groaned at the ceiling and rolled toward the bedside table, reaching for her phone. Desperate for a distraction.
When she’d come home from Heather’s last night, she’d had just over a thousand followers. She pulled up her account and saw that now, she was closing in on three thousand. Still a far cry from viral fame and guaranteed promotion, but clearly she and Nick were doing something right.
She scrolled through the comments on the latest photo she’d posted, another one from yesterday’s session at the pool. She’d turned toward the railing and closed her eyes to let the morning sun warm her cheeks and her eyelids, then come up onto relevé and lifted one leg into a high arabesque, leaning her torso ever-so-slightly forward to get her working leg as high as she could. It had come out beautifully; Nick had captured the movement of the water below her and the breeze that had caught a few strands of her hair as she held the position perfectly still. The jagged, surf-swept rocks were a perfect contrast to the smooth, geometric lines of her legs. Her skin looked like it was glowing, and her body looked strong and in control. It might have been the best photo yet, and she’d posted it without hesitation this time, complimenting Nick’s talent and making a point of tagging the official accounts of the tourism boards for Sydney, New South Wales, and Australia. And clearly, she wasn’t the only one who’d appreciated it.
@PlieForPasta: Wow, i’d literally kill for extension like this
@shaydoesballet: feeeeeeeeet!
@VisitSydney: Looking good @CarlyMontgomery, and Freshwater Beach looks pretty nice too!
She clicked on the profile picture for Sydney Tourism, and her heart leapt: the account had reposted the photo, and it had thousands of likes on it. That explained the sudden increase in followers. It also explained the tone of some of the comments on her own post.
@jjmiller965: Sydney’s always been on my bucket list, and now I think this chick has to go on my fuck-it list lol
