“What’s she like? Apart from brave, and lucky to be alive?”
Heather’s smile turned a little sad. “She’s the best. I think some people would say she’s an acquired taste, but I love her. She’s loyal, and she’s funny.”
“And she’s not afraid of creepy antique dolls, which is an important quality in a best friend.”
Heather laughed again, and Marcus wondered if it was possible to get drunk on a sound.
“I don’t think she’s afraid of anything,” Heather mused, fiddling with her glass again. “Ever since I’ve known her, she’s been totally comfortable with herself, even when we were gawky, pimply teenagers. She’s not afraid to be exactly who she is. She’s Carly, take her or leave her, you know? I wish I could do that....” Her voice trailed off, staring into her wine.
Marcus watched her, hungry to know more but afraid to ask. He was no longer impatient for Alice and Will to arrive. They could take another half an hour, for all he cared, if it meant more time laughing and joking and listening to Heather.
“I’m trying to be more like her,” she said to the wine, then she raised her head as though willing herself to look him in the eye. A determined little frown creased her forehead. “More myself, take it or leave it. I spent so many years making myself into someone else’s idea of me. I think I was so grateful he wanted me, I didn’tnotice he didn’t want all of me. He only wanted the parts that were quiet and obedient. And I just...let him have the parts he wanted and buried the rest.”
Marcus watched her face twist with regret as she spoke and resisted the urge to say what he was thinking, which was that the loud, disobedient parts of Heather, the parts that had her yelling “tosser!” at the beach and kissing him in fitting rooms, were his favourites so far. He knew she expected a response, and he opened his mouth to say something—anything but that—but was interrupted by a flurry of movement a few feet away.
“Hi hi hi! I’m so sorry, Will was late getting home from work and we got stuck in traffic!” Alice rushed to their table, hair windswept and keys still in hand. “We got here as fast as we could and he’s parking the car. Did you order without us? Did you get the lamb?”
Marcus stared up at Alice, slightly disoriented. He knew he should be relieved she’d finally arrived. Instead, he felt crestfallen.
“No, we just ordered some starters,” he said, glancing at Heather. Her elbows were no longer on the table, and she sat up straight, looking at Alice with an inscrutable expression.
“Oh, good,” Alice sighed, dropping her bag onto the ground next to the empty chair and plopping down into it. “What did I miss?”
Marcus started, “Well—”
“You didn’t miss anything,” Heather said quickly, reaching for her jacket and bag, “and actually, I should go. Sorry, Alice, I appreciate the invitation, but I’m not feeling well. I’ll see you on Monday.”
Before Alice could reply or Marcus could object, she stood and walked out the door.
“Heather, wait!”
Heather winced and turned to face Alice.
“Are you okay? I’m really sorry we were late—”
“No, it’s not that,” she reassured Alice quickly. “I’m just really tired. Long rehearsal week.”
Alice frowned up at her, looking concerned. Heather wished she’d come up with a less clichéd excuse. She’d just started making friends with Alice, and now she was messing it all up.
“Okay, well, do you want to get some dinner to take away at least?”
“No, no, I’ll be okay, but here,” Heather rummaged in her bag for her wallet. “Take this, to cover my wine and appetizers.”
Alice took the twenty dollar bill but otherwise didn’t move. She was watching Heather, concern now mingled with curiosity. “Do you want Will to drive you home? He probably hasn’t even found a park yet.”
“No, I...I think a walk in the night air will be good for me,” Heather said weakly. “Bye, Alice. I’ll see you on Monday. And thanks for inviting me out.”
Heather gave her an awkward wave, then turned and walked away as fast as a person who was meant to be tired reasonably could.
She pulled her denim jacket tight across her body in a fruitless attempt to keep out the chilly evening breeze buffeting her as she stalked along Military Road. Cars and buses rumbled alongside her, loud, but not loud enough to drown out her thoughts as she put as much distance as she could between herself and Café Luxor.
She’d known going to dinner tonight was a mistake, even before Alice’s traffic problems had left her alone at a small, dimly lit table with Marcus for almost an hour. She’d spent the week trying to resist the magnetic pull she felt toward him, and she’d succeeded, even when he had his hands on her in rehearsal and she could feel his pulse pounding in his fingertips, echoing through her body. But she’d shown up tonight and undone all that progress.
What was worse, she thought, flipping her braid over her shoulder in frustration, was that for a few minutes there it hadn’t felt like a mistake at all. It had felt like...well, it had felt like a really good first date. They’d been talking comfortably and teasing each other, enjoying each other’s company, making each other laugh. If Alice hadn’t arrived, she would have kept talking. She had wanted tokeep talking. She would have told him about all the ways she’d let Jack change her, all the parts of herself she’d shut down and shut away in order to be with him. All the invisible, inviolable rules Jack made that she’d learned to follow, even when it didn’t feel right. She’d have told him everything, and he would have listened to every word without judgment.
She couldn’t blame the wine; she’d only had a few sips. It was him.Hewas intoxicating. And kind, and easy to confide in, and quick to apologize when he made a mistake. And absolutely off-limits to her.
Heather pulled out her phone, her stomach growling, and sighed. No Moroccan lamb shanks or Portuguese prawns for her tonight. Fifteen minutes later, her rideshare car pulled up in front of the Thai place near her house, and she climbed out, thanking the driver with a sigh. Another night of pad thai alone on the couch, then, just like she’d done three other nights this week. Maybe tonight she’d get adventurous and order the shrimp instead of the chicken.
