At least I can say I experienced it.
Someone who only had eyes for me. Who was obsessed, even if for only a few minutes. Someone who was clearly enjoying himself when he had my body at his mercy.
I’ll be honest though. No amount of purity devotionals or begging for forgiveness will erase his imprint from my body. He’s stuck there, for better or worse. And in that moment? When he was touching me as if I was holy and not at all tainted? I wanted so much more than what he gave me. I hate myself for even thinking it, but I wanted him inside me. I wanted him to truly claim me. I wanted him to possess me. To own me.
Even if that meant God striking me down.
It would’ve been well worth it.
Clearing my throat, Brother Jonah looks up at me from his bible. His eyes are inquisitive as I gather my belongings and stand. Micah raises an eyebrow but stays silent, waiting for me to speak too. I smile tightly, looking away from him because I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. Just a few days ago, I would’ve given anything to sin with him; now I can’t see myself with him at all.
“I need a bath,” I say softly, and Micah’s eyes roam down my body, a slow perusal, then back up. They focus on my lips, and I shift from one foot to the other and look away. “Then I’m going to bed.”
“I’ll walk you,” Micah offers, starting to push away from the table, about to stand up.
I clear my throat and quickly shake my head. “No, no. I’m good.” I try to give him a reassuring smile, but I’m pretty sure I just look constipated. I don’t want to be in close quarters with him right now though. I feel vulnerable. Even if I don’t want to act on anything with him right now, I just might. I feel desperate enough to feel what I did the other night. However, I’m sure he’s not as skilled as my?—
Mywhat?
Nothing, that’s what.
Azriel isn’t anything of mine.
“A-are you sure?” Micah stutters, visibly flustered that I’ve shot him down.
“Yes.” I nod once. “Don’t let me distract you from God, Micah.” I smile softly, then turn on my heel and walk away. But not before I see the confusion and pain on his face. I feel guilty about a lot already, and I’m not sticking around long enough to add this to the pile too.
I practically speed walk through the building, passing the cafeteria and the library, headed for the living quarters. There’s a communal kitchen and living room that are in the same area, an open floor plan that spans a pretty spacious square footage. Right behind the sectional couch, there’s a long hallway with bedrooms. I practically run to mine, shutting the door and locking it. I don’t want any interruptions right now, and even though I know I’m going to regret it later, I can’t seem to stop myself as I set my belongings on the floor beside my desk and begin to strip.
My clothes are flying everywhere, half-haphazardly. I don’t bother slowing down or caring about where anything lands. I toe off my shoes and open my bathroom door, thanking my lucky stars that it’s a private one. I take a deep breath and turn the faucet, letting hot water fill the tub. Not scalding, but barely comfortable. Once full, I get in and turn it off.
I rest my head against the wall, trying to ignore the incessant throbbing between my legs, but it’s getting harder and harder to accomplish that. I close my eyes and take deep breaths, but I’m weak, and I give up quickly. My hand wraps around my cock, hard as steel, and I whimper. It almost sounds like I’m in pain, and maybe that’s the most accurate way to describe my mental state at the moment. I’m doing this against every instinct of mine. I wish with every fiber of my being that I could ignore the thumping in my balls when I think of him, but I just can’t take it anymore. I need relief. Maybe then I’ll be able to stop thinkingabout everything that happened. Hopefully at least for a couple of hours. It seems he’s the only thing occupying my thoughts lately.
Seems like I’m going to be a sinner for the rest of my life.
I just need to see him one more time. That’s it. No more after that. I just need to experience this again and I won’t ever ask for anything else.Neveragain. I swear it. God,pleasebring him back to me.
My lips part, and I shudder as I realize what I’ve done. Begging and pleading when I should be forcing him from my mind. But I can’t help it anymore, I can’t seem to stop craving him. I think I understand why addicts are considered to be ill. I definitely feel sick right now. Needing someone this much has to be an ailment, right?
My hand shifts up, then down, and I moan. My eyes are still closed, and it’s like a montage of images behind my eyelids. Memories of him owning me, taking me apart, and putting me back together. The sight of his mouth wrapped around my length, taking me to the back of his throat. I’ve never felt anything like it, and my hand doesn’t even begin to do it justice. It was so warm and oh so wet. And the taste of his cum on my tongue? I’m still savoring it even though it’s long gone.
I can still remember the weight of his body on top of me, pinning me to the tile as I looked up at him with my mouth wide open and tongue out, waiting for my reward. And it sure felt like one. Like I had been such a good boy for him that he couldn’t help but give himself over to me. And I wanted him so badly. Oh, God, I can’t even explain how much I needed him. The way I still do.
My hand shuttles up and down on my length quickly, and I tighten my fist, hissing. Pleasure skates down my spine as the images in my mind’s eye shift, turning into something even moreforbidden. Something searing hot that I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to handle the temperature of.
I’m suddenly bound to the altar at the abandoned chapel ruins, Azriel between my thighs. I’m spread open for him, knees pushed toward my chest, utterly vulnerable. His cock is slotted at my entrance, and when he pushes in, it’s not pain I feel. No, it’s so much worse. It’s blinding pleasure instead. He hits something inside of me that makes me see black, and I throw my head back and moan his name.
I think it slips from my lips too as my hand quickens, and I feel my impending orgasm rush forward, pushing to the surface. It’s right there—all I need to do is reach out and take it.
His mouth hovers over mine as his hand rests next to my head, and he shifts his hips, then pushes forward. My body jolts, shifting on the altar, and I tremble like a leaf. My cock is primed, set to explode, and his eyes are intense as they focus on my own. Ashen wings shift above us, and suddenly I’m being hidden from the outside world. From God’s gaze. I feel cocooned in his arms, safer than I’ve ever been in my entire life. For the first time ever, nothing and no one exists.
Azriel sits back on his haunches, pushing my knees into my chest, drilling into me harder and faster, and my lips part as I let out garbled sounds and curses I didn’t know I was capable of uttering. Without warning, he grabs my legs and spreads them wide, looking down at my cock with his bottom lip trapped between his teeth. I’m leaking, making a mess of myself, and he groans at the sight.
“Touch your pretty cock, Elijah,” Azriel demands. “I want to see it explode.”
And I do, wrapping a hand around myself and tugging roughly, quickly. He wraps a hand around my throat and squeezes tightly, but it only heightens the pleasure. Just as I’m about to come, he lets go of my throat and lowers his lips tomine. His tongue shoves into my mouth, and I suck on it as my spine tingles and my balls draw up. The groan he lets out has my hand’s movements becoming jerky, and my ass clenches. Cum shoots out of my cock, and Azriel’s hips stutter.
It’s the look on his face as he comes, the one I’ve already witnessed in real life, that triggers my orgasm. I explode—there’s no other way to describe it. Cum erupts out of me, and I open my mouth on a silent scream, trying to hold back. My throat is raw from the effort to not cry out in pleasure, but there’s one thing I just can’t hold back.
