They’re probably together now, and that’s why he hasn’t come to me. It definitely hasn’t been for lack of trying on mypart. I’ve been leaving him notes while he’s at evening prayer, hoping he’d come by the chapel in the forest. I’ve had to be careful not to go see him in the middle of the night. The last thing we need is for Micah to tell on Elijah, and knowing him, he either has already or will at some point. That’s why I’ve kept my distance. I don’t want to aggravate the situation with my presence. I don't want to provoke Micah into doing something that will hurt my sweet boy.
It makes me wonder though—are they together? Has Elijah moved on from me that easily? Does he miss me? Why won’t he come see me? Has he forgotten me? Does he just not want me anymore? Fuck. I can’t take it. I really can’t bear it at all. I’m going out of my fucking mind with need for him. I have to see him. I have to.
I’ve spent the last few days in the chapel ruins in the forest. Every single night I’ve waited here—all damn night—just in case he decided to show up. Every night, he has let me down. Not only is he gone now, but there is an echo of him living inside of me. A voice that begs, one that sounds exactly like him. Reminding me every day of what I’ve lost. Taunting me, really.
Please, Azriel. Please touch me. Please touch my cock.
It’s driving me insane.
Then there’s his voice saying other things. Sweet words. Words I wish had actually come from his lips. Words that put my worries to rest. Ones I know will probably never be spoken now, and it breaks me slowly. There are shards of my heart lying at my feet, and the fissures in my chest will surely never heal. No one will ever fill them up like he has.
I want to scream. Scream at him to come back. And it makes me hate myself a little more with each passing second because—why the fuck didn’t I go after him when he ran off? I could’ve saved myself so much heartache. Or maybe it would be worse actually. To know for sure that he ended things with me. But atleast I wouldn’t be stuck in this state of limbo. My chest wouldn’t be caving in as I wonder where he is. What he’s doing. Who he’s with.
The worst part is that it doesn’t take much imagination to come up with those answers. Surely he’s given Micah a chance now, and they’re long gone from this shitty place. They’ve probably started a life far away from here. Meanwhile, I’m stuck. Unable to move on. Fixated on deep blue eyes that saw me clearly, a wide smile I thought was just for me, and sweet little nothings whispered into the dark. I can’t stop thinking about any of it.
I’m clearly obsessed.
Certifiable.
I should probably accept that it’s over so I can move on. I just don’t know how to. I’m not sure how to put him out of my mind and crawl back into the hole I came out of. He summoned me, but he didn’t release me. It’s not that I require that, it’s that in this case, I wish he had banished me so that I don’t get any ideas of sticking around. Because what if I can never get over him? I thought I was in love with Isaac, but he seems insignificant in light of these recent events and how I’ve reacted. How my body, my soul, my heart have behaved.
It’s not that it was easy to get over Isaac. It wasn’t. What they did to me, the way they cast me out and scattered his soul shattered me. I thought I’d never recover from it. But the truth is, I did. I was almost whole again when Elijah called out to me. Now, though? I’m ruined, destroyed, annihilated.
There’s a dull thud right outside the chapel doors, and I tense, holding my breath to hear more clearly. Except my lungs start to burn, and all I can hear is my heartbeat in my ears. The doors fly open, and in comes Elijah, flustered and out of breath, looking like he hasn’t slept in days. My heart soars at seeing the object of my affection so close to me once more, and I walkquickly toward him. Maybe too quickly, because he slams the doors and presses his back to them, eyes wide and mouth agape. We’re breathing equally as hard, panting filling the small space of the chapel, and I get closer. I’m aware I should back up a few steps and put some space between us, but it’s pointless. There’s no way in hell I’ll be doing that.
I ignore all the red flags and alarm bells blaring in my mind and step even closer, completely obliterating the space between us and pressing my forehead to his. We’re sharing breath, and he tilts his head back and looks into my eyes. I want to scream at him, demand he tell me why he didn’t come before now, but instead I’m quiet. Instead I pretend. That I’m sane. That I have my wits about me. It’s the furthest thing from the truth, but I don’t want to scare him off when I just got him back.
Elijah’s bottom lip trembles, and he reaches up to cup my face, making my hands shake just as hard as his are right now. Fuck, how do I do this? How do I ask him if he’s betrayed me? I don’t know if I can speak—I don’t know how to anymore. There’s a lump in my throat the size of this country, and I don’t think anything will make it better. Short of him coming back to me. Maybe that’s why he’s here.
Please, let that be why he’s here.
His fingers are searing hot when they make contact with my skin, and his hand perfectly curves around my jaw. I bite my bottom lip to keep myself from speaking, instead waiting for him to make the first move. It needs to be him.
“Baby,” he murmurs.
My muscles relax as I exhale shakily, my hands trembling as they rest limply at my sides. With his free hand, he grabs one of my own and lifts it to his face. I brush my thumb over his bottom lip and grip his chin between my thumb and forefinger. His eyes are intensely blue even in the low lighting. They look absolutely electric as the moon’s light caresses his face, and I suck in asharp breath when he leans in closer. Just as I’m about to speak, he crashes his lips to mine.
It’s a kiss filled with desperation, and arousal wraps itself around my limbs, making my cock hard. He runs his hands over the scars on my back where my wings are supposed to be when I’m not in human form, and I moan when his tongue thrusts into my mouth. Both my hands cup his jaw now, tightening slightly when he groans into the kiss. I open my eyes, wanting to see him because I’ve missed him. I can’t not look at him. What I see instead takes my breath away, because his eyes are already open and glittering with tears, staring into mine. I pull away, ragged breaths making my chest heave, and look down at him.
“I’m sorry, Azriel,” he rushes out. “I’m so sorry. I swear I wanted to come sooner?—”
“Then why didn’t you?” I interrupt. “Did you fuck him? Are you with him now?”
“W-what?” Elijah gasps, eyes wide and bottom lip trembling. “No! He wanted me to leave with him. He wants me to choose him. But I didn’t?—”
“It’s only a matter of time, huh?” I ask him harshly. “I knew you’d never choose me. I knew?—”
“Azriel,” he growls. “I chooseyou. I don’t care if Micah tells them. I don’t care if they kick me out. But I need to know we’re a sure thing. That we’ll be together. That you’ll be part of my life as my partner—in the light.”
I gulp and whisper, “Elijah—” His eyes blink up at me in confusion as I inhale deeply and take a step back. “If you saw me, the real me, you’d be terrified.”
“No, I wouldn’t,” Elijah reassures me, but I shake my head quickly—he would be. “It’s you, Azriel. It’ll always be you.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I reply softly, unsure of why I’m doing this. I’m happy he’s here. That he came back for me. So why am I pushing him away?
“You won’t push me away,” he says through gritted teeth, reading my mind somehow. “I won’t let you.”
“You can’t?—”
