"This one is called 'Breaking Free,'" Astra explains, zooming in on a piece dominated by reds and golds breaking through darker blues and blacks. "I painted it right after my first heat with Caelan and Bryn, when I finally felt like I could breathe without fear for the first time."
I know exactly what he means about that first moment of feeling safe enough to breathe properly.
"Have you figured out what you want to do yet?" Astra asks casually, moving past the art discussion to something more personal. "Like for work or hobbies or just filling your time?"
The question catches me off guard because I haven't really thought about it. "I've never really had the option to do anything," I admit. "Before Forrest, every day was just about surviving until the next one. Work was whatever would pay cash and hobbies were a luxury I couldn't afford."
The table gets quiet, everyone's attention suddenly focused on me in a way that makes me want to disappear. I look up to meet Forrest's eyes next to me, worried I've said something wrong or made everyone uncomfortable.
But Forrest's expression is soft and understanding rather than judgmental. "The world is your oyster now, little dove. Whatever you want to do, whatever interests you develop, it's yours. No limitations, no survival requirements. Just exploring what makes you happy."
The promise is beautiful but also overwhelming. "I know," I say, trying to articulate feelings I don't fully understand yet. "And I think, just for right now, I want to be here. Is that okay? I just like being needed, having a purpose, even if that purpose is just existing in your space."
Tears well up in my eyes without warning, and I brace myself for criticism or disappointment. Surely they all think I shouldwant more, should have ambitions beyond just being present in Forrest's life.
But Caelan dashes all my insecurities as he leans forward and rests his chin on his hands. "You couldn't have been more perfect for each other. Forrest needs to be needed, Sterling. He might not tell you that directly, but damn, I think you two will do just fine together."
The observation makes Forrest shift slightly beside me, like Caelan has revealed something private that my Valla wasn't ready to share. But the emotion I feel through the bond is gratitude mixed with affection rather than embarrassment.
The conversation gradually morphs into logistics for tonight's event. Caelan and Forrest discuss the fighter lineup, betting spreads, and security protocols with the easy shorthand of people who've worked together for years.
"Did you speak with Dorian's fighters?" Forrest asks, cutting into his food. "There wasn't time for me to meet with them personally after the other night."
Caelan nods, swallowing his bite before responding. "Yeah, I talked to most of them. A few want personal assurances from you before they'll fully commit to fighting under our banner. Can you stop by the locker rooms before everything starts?"
"Absolutely," Forrest confirms. "I should have done that already anyway. They deserve to hear directly from me that they're valued and protected now."
The care he shows for people who technically work for him surprises me. I'm still learning that Forrest's reputation for violence doesn't mean he lacks compassion for the people under his protection.
After dinner, we all pack into the same car for the drive toThe Forge. The venue looks different at night than it did during my first visits, all lit up and alive with energy. People are alreadyarriving, the parking lot filling with expensive cars and groups of well-dressed patrons ready for entertainment.
We go straight up to the viewing box, bypassing the main entrance and crowd. Astra immediately plops into his makeshift nest from the other night, surrounded by the pillows he arranged with such care. I move to the control panel and adjust the settings like I did before, dimming the lights and activating the sound dampening until the box feels like a sanctuary separate from the chaos below.
"You're getting good at that," Astra observes with approval. "Knowing exactly what settings make you feel safe."
I settle onto the couch near his nest, close enough to talk but giving him his own space. "How are you feeling after your first heat and everything?" Astra asks, his voice taking on a more serious quality. "I bet it's got to be a little disconcerting, bonding so quickly after everything has been so intense."
"I feel safe," I answer honestly, the truth of that statement still surprising me sometimes. "For the first time in my life, I feel genuinely safe."
Astra laughs, the sound warm and contagious. "I'm surprised Forrest bonded you so quickly. He's usually so controlled about everything, never acting on impulse or emotion. You must have really gotten under his skin."
Heat floods my cheeks at the observation. "I all but begged him to bite me during my heat. I needed it, needed that permanent connection and claim." I run my finger along my bottom lip, a surge of protectiveness running through the connection.
"I understand that completely. There's something about finally feeling safe enough to want permanence, to trust someone with that level of commitment." He pauses, studying my face with an intensity that makes me uncomfortable. "Anything else going on with you? Any changes or concerns?"
I frown, confused by the question. Looking around, I notice that Caelan and Forrest have disappeared, probably down to handle pre-event business. Bryn is by the bar on the other side of the room, too far away to hear our conversation.
"How are you feeling physically?" Astra clarifies, his voice dropping a little lower.
"Fine," I answer, though uncertainty creeps into my tone. "A little wary knowing that Wilson is somewhere out there, probably closer than we think. But I'm fine overall. Why are you asking? Forrest asked me the same thing earlier with the same weird expression on his face. Do I smell strange or something?"
I sniff the air experimentally and recoil a little at what I detect. My usual apricot and vanilla scent is there, but there's definitely something different layered over it. Something sweet that I don't recognize.
"What's that?" I ask, panic starting to build in my chest. "Why do I smell like honey? What's wrong with me?"
I'm starting to freak out properly now, my breathing accelerating as worst-case scenarios flood my mind. Am I sick? Is something wrong with my biology after the intensity of my heat? Did Forrest's bite somehow damage something?
Astra sits up quickly, his expression shifting to gentle concern. "You really don't know? Sterling, take a deep breath with me. Fuck, just breathe, okay?”
