A smile spreads across my face. "That’s perfect," I murmur, pressing my nose to his chest. He smells so good. Clean, and very alpha.
"Also… we can fuck after that," I blurt out.
I sense him holding back a laugh.
"Only if you want to, Summer."
Then he hesitates, tilting his head to catch my gaze, as my face is still pressed to his chest while I breathe him in.
"But you need to be sure, after everything that happened this past year."
For a moment, I fall quiet. With his touch, the veil over my past lifts completely, and everything is clear.
"Snow… when you touch me, I remember everything."
"Do you want to tell me about it?"
"Yes, I think you deserve to know if we are… to be more."
Snow just waits for me to start.
I take a deep breath. "I’ve never had anal sex with a real person," I say slowly. "Anzo was a hundred percent bottom. But sometimes he felt like he wanted more out of me and used adildo on me, and… was very frustrated that I didn’t react. He wanted to feel in control of my body, my pleasure. But I didn’t let him. My power lets me shield myself, even inside, to create a thin, invisible barrier to protect myself. Anzo hated that I had no reaction at all. Sometimes he would beat me, or zap me, but I didn’t yield."
Snow frowns slightly, thinking.
"I’m sorry, Summer. What you’ve been through—"
"It’s… in the past. And my amnesia is a blessing when it comes to it; I don’t remember much, don’t think about it on a daily basis. Only now, when we touch."
"I can make it foggy again, if you want."
"No, because when I touch you… I also feel stronger. Like you… add something, some power to me, you lift me up, and I just don’t let the memories break me."
Snow leans in a bit and softly kisses my forehead.
There is a short pause, as I just bask in his energy and make small, light pecks over his chest.
"My main duties there were different," I mumble.
Then he asks, "You had to top him."
I nod. "Yes. I’m a hylomancer, a mage of matter. I move particles. My power lets me push gases, substances, and fluids. So I can move blood, inside my body or anyone else’s. I can cause a brain hemorrhage or a heart attack if I want to. But also a forced erection. Anzo expected me to fuck him; if I wouldn’t do it, he would shock me with the electric collar. I was his… fucktoy. A human dildo. With my magic, I used to force my blood to…" I wave a hand downward. "But I never came. It also frustrated him; he could not get anything out of me. Could not control my pleasure. All he could have was my mechanical service. And I served like a tool, giving him nothing beyond that. But as long as I was useful to him, he let me live. Anzo himself never penetrated me. No one ever has."
I raise my eyes to him. "So, I’m half-virgin. Kinda." And I smile awkwardly.
"Well, in that regard, I’m also a virgin." He smirks.
I swallow and quickly get serious.
"But… topping isn’t something I want to do in the future, Snow, so if you expect me…"
Snow quickly shakes his head and grins. "Nah, I’d rather stay that way… I’m fully into topping."
I blush and murmur, "So we have an understanding. So you know, I don’t want to keep my half-v-card any longer…"
"We can make it happen whenever you want…"
And he leans in, as if he’s tempted to do it right now, his lips brush mine. But then he suddenly stops, straightens up, and stays quiet for a long moment, his hands just stroking my arms, neck, and back, calming me, clearing my emotions.
